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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask my mum to have dd overnight?

45 replies

Pinkjenny · 09/05/2008 12:32

My mum is an absolute star with dd, and has gone part time at work to look after her two days a week for us. Dd absolutely worships her.

DD is a really bad sleeper, (as I've said before) and continues to wake lots and lots, always ending up in bed with us. Consequently, mum has only had her overnight twice, and she's one next week.

Because my mum doesn't want to co-sleep with my dad in the bed, both times she has ended up in the single bed with dd, as dad says the single bed is too uncomfortable for him, and she ends up having a really crap nights sleep, as we do every night!

Sometimes, I would love an evening to myself, to actually enjoy watching tv, chat to dh, go for a drink, whatever. The only two occasions on which my mum has had dd overnight have borne out of me crying from tiredness and her offering to have her.

I appreciate that the bigger issue is solving dd's sleep issues. But is it unreasonable to ask my mum and dad to have her overnight tonight or tomorrow night? Just so we can recharge?

Am I being a selfish daughter?

OP posts:

flowerybeanbag · 09/05/2008 12:39

hi mate

Honestly? I wouldn't, particularly as she already gives you so much help.

I feel guilty on the rare occasions PIL babysit for the afternoon so we can go to football - they are not young anymore and a one year old is hard work (DS is also one next week). I really really wouldn't feel comfortable asking them to have him overnight if he was similar to your DD at sleeping (fortunately he isn't!)

If it was me I'd recharge by asking them to have her for a day/afternoon and using the opportunity to sleep. Try that instead?

mrbojangles · 09/05/2008 12:41

Personally I wouldnt ask.
They obviously do alot for you which works well for you both and all parties are happy.
Why not ask if they would have your dd for the day and chat/relax/nap then.

RubySlippers · 09/05/2008 12:41

I wouldn't ask someone to look after my DS overnight if he didn't sleep through

I think Flowery is right - ask them to look after her in the daytime and you get yourself to bed

cheesesarnie · 09/05/2008 12:42

yabu .obviously it would be lovely for you so i can see why you want it but at the same time it sounds like your mum has given up a lot for you and your dd.'only' having her overnight twice and shes one next week?i think your very lucky youve had that!and yes i think your being a bit selfish.

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 09/05/2008 12:44

Maybe you could ask her to swap her two days a week for looking after your dd overnight?
Good luck!

Ceolas · 09/05/2008 12:46

She's had her twice and she's not even a year old? Honestly, you're not doing too badly at all and your mum gives you loads of help.

Daytime babysitting, yes. Overnight, I'd say not just now.

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 09/05/2008 12:46

I knew I was being unreasonable. Just thought I'd ask. Don't misunderstand me though, I'm not trying to dump on her at all.

Hi flowery - got a potential p/t job interview on Monday. And its perm!

OP posts:

ProfessorGrammaticus · 09/05/2008 12:46

Sorry - but yes, YABU. Your mum sounds brill but to ask any more is too much. She'd offer to do it if she wanted to, wouldn't she.

LazyLinePainterJane · 09/05/2008 12:48

I think that your mother already does more than enough, she has changed her working hours to have her in the week!

Sometimes a lot of us would like spare time to ourselves/DP's to drink wine and watch a film but we have children now!

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 09/05/2008 12:48

Professor - that's why I have never asked! I know she'd offer if she wanted to.

Cheese - Ok, God, sorry I asked!

OP posts:

Lulumama · 09/05/2008 12:48

more importantly , what you going to do re DDs sleep? why don;t you co-sleep permanently? it might really help

NotActuallyAMum · 09/05/2008 12:48

I don't think you're being selfish, and I think it's worth asking, but make it clear you won't be offended if they say no. Can't help thinking you could give them a bit more notice though

My sister's ds1 hardly slept and screamed constantly whilst awake for the first 10 months of his life, but I was more than happy to put up with just one night of having no sleep every now and then to give her a break

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 09/05/2008 12:50

Hi Lulu - I've kind of resigned myself to the co-sleeping thing, and 99.9999% of the time she's in with us. But she is a massive fidget and wriggles all night. Bless her little cutie bum.

I was only asking a question ladies, I would have just asked my mum if I thought it was reasonable myself. That's why I never have.

OP posts:

cheesesarnie · 09/05/2008 12:51

i love the aibu threads when the op gets yes you are them doesnt like opinions.

RubySlippers · 09/05/2008 12:51

Pink - you asked if you were being selfish, so no need to have a go at cheesesarnie!

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 09/05/2008 12:52

Cheese - I never said I didn't like your opinions. I agree with you!

OP posts:

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 09/05/2008 12:53

I agree with all of you!!!!

I am being selfish. And I know I am very lucky to get the help I do.

OP posts:

Lulumama · 09/05/2008 12:55

does she sleep through when she sleeps with you? can you get a bigger bed so that the fidgeting is less of an issue?

cheesesarnie · 09/05/2008 12:56

right so lets try to help with sleep ishoos.
fwiw- my ds2 is still not great sleeper.what have you tried?what didnt make a difference/what did?whats her routine like etc etc?were going to help!!!you will sleep!(even if it takes a year or too!)

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 09/05/2008 12:57

We've got a super king size Lulu - not sure we could get a bigger one in the room! She sleeps through, i.e. doesn't properly wake, but she never seems that settled really. I always feel a bit like she's trying to wake herself up. For a bit of a chat maybe?

OP posts:

RubySlippers · 09/05/2008 12:58

ok - we are all agreed!

Have you tried the No Cry SLeep Solution

Does she still feed at night?

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 09/05/2008 13:01

Ha Ha, have tried CC, very unsuccessfully as she gets totally hysterical straight away, and then takes ages to calm down. Her routine was OK, but I have really f**ked it up lately by just getting her and putting her in our bed with me at abour 9pm - hence the no time with dh thing. Its totally the easy option, but is creeping earlier and earlier every night.

She doesn't self settle, so goes to sleep with me in the room, and then when she comes into a lighter sleep, starts crying for me and the process begins again. I can be sat on the floor of her room for an hour to have her wake up half an hour later.

The later it gets, the harder she becomes to settle. I'm not sure about putting her in our bed at the beginning of the night as our bed is in the middle of the room, and don't really want bed rails all the way round.

OP posts:

hertsnessex · 09/05/2008 13:03

my ds's occasionally get in with me and dh and we have a normal kingsize - there is room. so i think one dd and 2 adults in a superking wuold be luxury!

cheesesarnie · 09/05/2008 13:04

when ds2 coslept we got round putting him safetly to bed alone by just having the matress on the floor so he couldnt fall and making room baby proof.is that an option?i think (imo) that the self settling seems to be big part of it-your there when she goes to sleep but then gone,so she might wake slightly then panic as your not there.i read somewhere once its like falling asleep in bed then waking in kitchen.bit freaky.

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 09/05/2008 13:07

Ah - I know someone said to me its like waking up to find dh not in bed in the middle of the night, you'd shout him or go and find him.

Herts - - its more to do with the fact that I don't feel she's getting a good night's sleep really. Are we disturbing her!

Cheese - not sure what we'd do with our bed frame and headboard, not even sure we'd get them out the room!

OP posts:

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