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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to pub because I look young..

65 replies

Anxietyqueeen · 15/02/2025 14:10

To preface this I have horrible anxiety and a real anxiety about people thinking I'm very young due to many bad experiences whilst being pregnant/ being mistaken for a really young mother.

I'm in my early 30s but look very young. Not in a good way. In a "weirdly tired/ haggard looking 16 year old" way. I'm meant to be going to a pub tomorrow at 9.30 pm - they don't allow under 18s in at that time. I'll be going with a new group of school mums so I'm feeling a bit anxious about it anyway as I'm socially awkward and I don't know them very well, but I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone more. But then I'm really anxious that I'll be pegged as an under 18/ singled out and ID'd infront of the rest of them .I'd find that really embarrassing Infront of people I don't really know. I had it happen last year and the people I was with the. were laughing about it and winding me up for days afterwards about looking like a kid.

I think I just need to be told I'm ridiculous and if it happens to laugh it off. But my anxiety is so bad.
Would you go?

OP posts:
Original poster
Anxietyqueeen · 15/02/2025 15:00

Fl20 · 15/02/2025 14:59

There's no way at 40 people think your a child. I've heard people say they look younger when they dont but i never say that i just let them believe. it's in our heads how young we look to other people you look older than how you think you do. Enjoy the pub OP.

I'm 32..but yes I don't think I look like a child. But I am regularly told I look 17 ish.

OP posts:
user2848502016 · 15/02/2025 15:03

Take ID, seriously if you get IDd on a night out with a group of women in their 30s they'll all be jealous!
I used to get IDd way into my 30s too (buying glue for my toddler DD once!), I was embarrassed up to around 25 but then it used to make my day 😂

user2848502016 · 15/02/2025 15:05

Also remember staff are trained to "think 25" these days so they're thinking you could be under 25 not under 18

ItGhoul · 15/02/2025 15:08

Your friends will be incredibly envious if you get IDed - it’s not embarrassing at all! They know how old you are. I got IDed when I was out for drinks with colleagues once! It was fine.

It really sounds like your anxiety is ruling your life at the moment. Just take your ID and it will be fine.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 15/02/2025 15:08

I'm actually on my way to a party at a pub and just stopped off for my ID because some people can't tell if I'm 16 or 30.

I feel really self conscious about it but I think you shouldn't worry. Just go. It's a short moment if someone does ask for ID. Don't let it spoil your time.

Ihopeyouhavent · 15/02/2025 15:12

Come on, grow up now. Take ID, simple.

Most places are "Challenge 25" these days. It's not about how you look, its about people covering their backs, most people that want ID dont even look at you, its just protocol.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 15/02/2025 15:15

Mumsnet really is a parallel universe inhabited by teeny tiny people who look younger than when they were a foetus
Utterly bizarre

jannier · 15/02/2025 15:20

I went to the cinema with my 29 year old daughter and was asked if I was aware the film wasn't suitable for children ....it happens...

Differentstarts · 15/02/2025 15:21

Make a joke of it like it doesn't bother you if you get asked like tell the barmaid they've made your day or how she should of gone to specsavers or go a bit early go get your self a drink hand the id over and get sat down before anyone else comes then no one has to know

lnks · 15/02/2025 15:23

They have to challenge if you look under 25 so its not because they think you look under 18. And I highly doubt anyone thinks you look like a 16 year old

Waterweight · 15/02/2025 15:23

Anxietyqueeen · 15/02/2025 14:10

To preface this I have horrible anxiety and a real anxiety about people thinking I'm very young due to many bad experiences whilst being pregnant/ being mistaken for a really young mother.

I'm in my early 30s but look very young. Not in a good way. In a "weirdly tired/ haggard looking 16 year old" way. I'm meant to be going to a pub tomorrow at 9.30 pm - they don't allow under 18s in at that time. I'll be going with a new group of school mums so I'm feeling a bit anxious about it anyway as I'm socially awkward and I don't know them very well, but I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone more. But then I'm really anxious that I'll be pegged as an under 18/ singled out and ID'd infront of the rest of them .I'd find that really embarrassing Infront of people I don't really know. I had it happen last year and the people I was with the. were laughing about it and winding me up for days afterwards about looking like a kid.

I think I just need to be told I'm ridiculous and if it happens to laugh it off. But my anxiety is so bad.
Would you go?

Seriously ????

Just have you ID out & hand it over before anybody asks then walk in nobody's asking you to make a scene

lnks · 15/02/2025 15:25

Anxietyqueeen · 15/02/2025 15:00

I'm 32..but yes I don't think I look like a child. But I am regularly told I look 17 ish.

Show quote history

people tell me I look too young to have adult children. I don't. They are being kind. It's what we do weirdly.

Spirallingdownwards · 15/02/2025 15:25

Sugarfish · 15/02/2025 14:36

I was asked for ID up until I was about 35. It seemed to stop after that. I’m 37 now and I miss it! Must have aged a lot in the last couple of years!

I guess you look 19 now.

BobbyBiscuits · 15/02/2025 15:26

Do you think that you'll enjoy yourself once you're there? The people, the decor, the smells, music, drinks, food, general vibes?
If so then go. Worse case scenario they politely request ID and you quickly show it. I look my age or older and I'd be chuffed to be asked for ID. Remember it only means you could be under 25, not that they think you look 16!
If you just really don't like pubs in general make an excuse and stay home doing something you enjoy alone, or invite a mate round.

UndertheseaPineappleHouse · 15/02/2025 15:26

Just have your ID ready on the door and/or when you order your first drink at the bar. No one in your group will comment and if they do you just shrug and say you always get asked. You’re way overthinking this.

DappledThings · 15/02/2025 15:28

I was still getting regularly IDd into my 30s. It was complimentary, I think i looked young in a a really naive way not a genuinely youthful way.

At 26 someone asked me when I was out with my parents which school O would be going to when I started my GCSEs.

All stopped pretty much overnight around 34/35.

pinkroses79 · 15/02/2025 15:34

I would definitely go. I used to look young and worried about this, however people didn't care as much then so usually I didn't get asked.
I've asked for ID in the shop I work for people over 30, and honestly, I'm only doing this because I don't always trust myself to judge if someone is under 25, it's never because I don't think they are old enough to buy the item.
It won't be long before being asked for ID will make your friends jealous, I can assure you!

Original poster
Anxietyqueeen · 15/02/2025 15:36

Hobnobswantshernameback · 15/02/2025 15:15

Mumsnet really is a parallel universe inhabited by teeny tiny people who look younger than when they were a foetus
Utterly bizarre

I'm not tiny. I'm taller than average and fat

OP posts:
CeeJay81 · 15/02/2025 15:37

I know how you feel cause I've been there. I'm nearly 44 and don't get asked now but it only stopped a few years ago. I don't look much different now to when i was 17 and people are forever shocked at my age. Like you I suffer social anxiety too and it used to make me feel rubbish. Just quickly hand the id over and walk past. It's either that or you miss put on a good night out. Feel the fear and do it anyway! I tell myself that when a situation comes up I struggle with.

Megifer · 15/02/2025 15:44

I look so young someone once asked me when my due date was. I said I wasn't pg and they clarified they meant when I was due to be born.

crappymeal · 15/02/2025 15:44

Megifer · 15/02/2025 15:44

I look so young someone once asked me when my due date was. I said I wasn't pg and they clarified they meant when I was due to be born.

😂

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 15/02/2025 15:46

Humans are biologically disposed to make themselves look the best as possible, so signs of weakness in others will be exploited.

Treat any request for ID as everyday and a non-event. I would be more inclined to be impressed than to laugh at it, but if anyone does they would probably quickly drop it when they see it's not something you are bothered by.

AuntyMabelandPippin · 15/02/2025 15:52

Completelyjo · 15/02/2025 14:23

At mid 30s literally no one thinks you c
actually look like you’re in school.

Oh yes they do. I was regularly asked for ID until I was around forty.

x2boys · 15/02/2025 15:53

Completelyjo · 15/02/2025 14:23

At mid 30s literally no one thinks you c
actually look like you’re in school.

This is mumsnet so many posters insisting they are regularly I,d despite being 40,50,60 etc.

AliceMcK · 15/02/2025 15:54

Completelyjo · 15/02/2025 14:23

At mid 30s literally no one thinks you c
actually look like you’re in school.

How would you know?

OP, this was my SIL, she was still being IDd for cigarettes in her 40s, she once has some teen girls try and pick a fight with her when she was in a queue with her teen daughters and also had the being dismissed thing when pregnant because they thought she was a child.

Sadly there is nothing you can do but embrace it, just think, most people would love to be IDd in their 30s. We all have something we don’t like about ourselfs that make us feel conscious, but learning to embrace these things dose get better with age.