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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel disappointed about gift on valentine's day

28 replies

Littlebittiredoflife · 14/02/2025 23:16

DH bought me a valentine's present, we only ever do something small, a card and an edible usually. This year he bought me something to use in the bathroom, despite knowing I have eczema and only ever using a certain shower gel. In his defence he did say I'm always letting the kids have it when it's gifted to me by other people so he thought I'd appreciate being able to have it for myself. I'm not annoyed about the gift, I just feel a bit disappointed that he doesn't seem to know enough about me to think about what I'd actually like and chose something unsuitable. Aibu to feel that way, or should I just appreciate the effort made?

OP posts:
Noras · 14/02/2025 23:19

Well my DH realised it was Valentine Day and did not get me anything if that makes you feel any better.

StSwithinsDay · 14/02/2025 23:20

It's only another 40 minutes till it's the 15th February. Phew!

Needmorelego · 14/02/2025 23:21

He genuinely may not have realised the product will affect your eczema.
Did you tell him that (and that's why you always give any to the kids)?

Pinkdreams · 14/02/2025 23:22

I can't blame a man for not understanding a women's skin, that would be like me understanding what sport DP likes

ICanTellYouMissMe · 14/02/2025 23:27

I would have loved DH to bring me a card and an edible 😁

One Christmas DH gave me my gifts then told me there was an extra one that he'd held back because he knew I would absolutely love it and wanted to give that gift last.

It was bath salts.

I mean, I love a bath, but not one where you're lying on grit that smells like your Nan's house.

He meant well, as did your DH. It's fine.

Original poster
Littlebittiredoflife · 14/02/2025 23:36

Needmorelego · 14/02/2025 23:21

He genuinely may not have realised the product will affect your eczema.
Did you tell him that (and that's why you always give any to the kids)?

Yes he knows now. I thought he already knew, especially when he knows I always buy one specific shower gel that makes it less itchy. He did not know it would affect my eczema (and I guess there's no guarantee it would because I can't actually seem to figure out what triggers it other than heat and stress which are even harder avoid). That's the bit I'm disappointed about because I would expect him to know it would be a risky choice of present after all these years and there are many things I like more.

OP posts:
mediummumma · 14/02/2025 23:40

It is rubbish when they do something that was probably intended to be thoughtful or kind, but ends up showing them in a bad light. So I think YANBU to feel disappointed.

My husband popped to Asda after work this evening and was shocked to discover there were no cards or flowers left. He told me this with genuine annoyance that his romantic masterplan had been thwarted. Good job I had ordered a velvetiser from Hotel Chocolat this morning on his credit card as my Valentine’s present as he has form! I just laugh and he just sighs when I show him what he’s gifted me unknowingly for these type of events.

Katemax82 · 14/02/2025 23:50

My husband got me a hand massaging machine...weirdest and least useful gift ever

rainbowsparkle28 · 14/02/2025 23:57

Pinkdreams · 14/02/2025 23:22

I can't blame a man for not understanding a women's skin, that would be like me understanding what sport DP likes

Meh - I don’t know. It is not just any women it is his partner. And I don’t think I agree with the suggestion that men kind as a whole are not capable of knowing such a thing (they are 🙄) but also this being used as a justification for women just having to put up with less than good enough behaviour or be grateful because “he tried” or because ‘“men just don’t know those things”…

Gingerbreadloony · 15/02/2025 00:00

Katemax82 · 14/02/2025 23:50

My husband got me a hand massaging machine...weirdest and least useful gift ever

Oh I have one of these (I have mild arthritis) and it’s wonderful! I also made this face 🤔 when my husband bought it for me but I use it every night and it makes such a difference.

TheFoz · 15/02/2025 00:05

DH is good with Christmas and birthday presents, but Mother’s Day and valentines he’s useless. I got a cheap bottle of wine and a cheap box of chocolates.

Heelworkhero · 15/02/2025 00:05

My DH didn’t get me a card as they were all gone this evening, 7ish when he looked.
However, he got my favourite red velvet cake and 4 bunches of flowers, so I forgive him…….

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/02/2025 00:07

What did you give him?

BeSharpBee · 15/02/2025 00:10

For a birthday Dh once got me a bath pamper box. I alo have terrible eczema and routine items I use. Unfortunately none of it was useable, more so the bath salts and bombs...as we don't have a fucking bath 🤣

Thedogscollar · 15/02/2025 00:18

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/02/2025 00:07

What did you give him?

First thing that came into my head too.
Thank Christ it's over.
Mother's Day next 😩

Thisshirtisonfire · 15/02/2025 00:36

It's faintly annoying coz it's a waste of money.. but look on the bright side that he tried and also that he thought outside the box. Even if he got it wrong the good intention was there.
It's just nice to be thought of!
My DH got me flowers and a card.. and I didn't have to prompt him but for years at the beginning of our relationship I had to plainly state that I expected flowers on valentines day because it meant something to me.
It's only in the last 5 years it's sunk in as a habit for him to buy flowers I like for special occasions.
Some men are amazing at gifts but imo they are very rare..
I just look at it that at least some effort was made. It's only valentines day after all.. it's not your birthday or anything.. just a token to let someone know you thought of them is totally fine. And I guess even though he sadly picked the wrong thing, he definitely was thinking about you and trying to please you.

IlovePond · 15/02/2025 00:49

Mine got me some nice Xmas crackers, (presumably reduced), by accident 😹 but it’s the thought that counts 😹😹 and he did also get me flowers.

KrisAkabusi · 15/02/2025 01:09

Littlebittiredoflife · 14/02/2025 23:36

Yes he knows now. I thought he already knew, especially when he knows I always buy one specific shower gel that makes it less itchy. He did not know it would affect my eczema (and I guess there's no guarantee it would because I can't actually seem to figure out what triggers it other than heat and stress which are even harder avoid). That's the bit I'm disappointed about because I would expect him to know it would be a risky choice of present after all these years and there are many things I like more.

Show quote history

So you don't even know if it will affect your eczema? You could at least try it before moaning about it.

EntropyCentral · 15/02/2025 01:12

Mine got me nothing apart from a kiss on the head about 11am whn he'd got back from work.
Happy Valentines Day, he said.
Valentines Day is for or for the newly in love.

steff13 · 15/02/2025 01:21

Did you give him an edible this year? Maybe you could take it and it would make you feel better.

Klovos · 15/02/2025 07:07

Littlebittiredoflife · 14/02/2025 23:16

DH bought me a valentine's present, we only ever do something small, a card and an edible usually. This year he bought me something to use in the bathroom, despite knowing I have eczema and only ever using a certain shower gel. In his defence he did say I'm always letting the kids have it when it's gifted to me by other people so he thought I'd appreciate being able to have it for myself. I'm not annoyed about the gift, I just feel a bit disappointed that he doesn't seem to know enough about me to think about what I'd actually like and chose something unsuitable. Aibu to feel that way, or should I just appreciate the effort made?

What did you get him?

countonnoone · 15/02/2025 07:11

ICanTellYouMissMe · 14/02/2025 23:27

I would have loved DH to bring me a card and an edible 😁

One Christmas DH gave me my gifts then told me there was an extra one that he'd held back because he knew I would absolutely love it and wanted to give that gift last.

It was bath salts.

I mean, I love a bath, but not one where you're lying on grit that smells like your Nan's house.

He meant well, as did your DH. It's fine.

”Grit that smells like your nans house” made me snort my coffee! Perfect description of a truly weird product 🤣🤣🤣

BlueSilverCats · 15/02/2025 08:01

Did you react positively when you received these things before? Even when just with him in private, rather than "ffs , I wish people would stop buying x , as it doesn't work with my eczema. I'll just have to give it to the kids again" or similar?

If you were always positive, then he genuinely could not know, or even consider it risky, especially since even you don't actually know if it would set it off or not.

Just make it clear, any skin/bath products are off the table unless you ask for a specific one, and while you appreciate the gesture and the thought behind it , stick to edibles in the future.

Original poster
Littlebittiredoflife · 15/02/2025 08:06

I bought him a bar of chocolate, something that was new that he hadn't tried before. He doesn't really like surprise gifts himself as he doesn't like money being wasted and for Valentine's it's just a token gift. Hence why I'm not annoyed at the gift, just the misguided thought behind the gift.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 15/02/2025 08:11

My husband popped to Asda after work this evening and was shocked to discover there were no cards or flowers left
I'd have been surprised and annoyed too. Same as I'm surprised and annoyed when I can't find an Advent calendar easily right at the end of November or mince pies on New Year's Eve. Or, even more annoyingly, new school uniform at the end of August. All those things are still in or before the season they are for and it will never stop pissing me off that shops try to force everyone to buy ahead of time.