Surprise party but not many people showed

[Malibu2022]

My friend threw me a surprise party for my birthday we don’t actually live in my home country it was beautiful with all of my favourite things and colours theme the works however not many people showed and I can’t help think about it.

there was quite a few people away that date, some people messaged me the day after seeing my Instagram stories apologising that they weren’t there but they hadn’t been invited, the party was organised in 4 weeks and the date had changed half way through again people has messaged me saying they thought it was the day after as the original date.

my husband has also forgot to invite some people and there are people he wouldn’t of thought to ask.

I can’t help but feel sad and anxious about it as so much effort went into it anyone else experienced this?

I just kinda wish I had known about it and could of been in charge of the guest list and the rest being a surprise especially as we are away from home and my friends and family back home wasn’t invited being short notice they wouldn’t had to book flights etc.

Why didn’t you just invite them yourself?

Same. 40 is a big turn out.

Thankfully apart from my immediate & extended family I'd never have to worry about this situation especially emoji only FB 'friends' Do the people who didn't turn up mean that much to you OP. I doubt it so why worry.

Why was my post deleted?
I just said that it's 'have', not 'of'. Is that offensive?

Not to me, it’s not.
That also really irritated me!

OP, I think you're making the wrong comparison here.

You had decided not to have a party at all, so compare the party you were surprised with with no party at all rather than comparing the party you were surprised with against some hypothetical much larger ideal party. In the end you celebrated your birthday with 40 friends who you weren't otherwise going to get to celebrate with and didn't miss out on anything you were planning to do/people you were planning to see.

This wasn't a milestone birthday, so it's just a fun bonus extra for you and the people who could make it on short notice. No one missed a key occasion in your life.

Yes putting it this way thank you yes it was a big milestone birthday I think that’s also what got me but I am super grateful for my amazing friend and also the people who did show

YANBU. The same thing happened to my auntie. When she was 70, her 2 daughters decided to arrange a surprise party. One daughter is really lazy and didn't do anything and the other one is very disorganised and left everything till the last minute, including inviting people. There were very few people there because it was summer and some were on holiday or had already made arrangements. Some of her best friends and several family members were missing. She was a bit upset and told me she wished she had known about the party and done the invitations herself.
Surprise parties can turn out really badly.

A friend organised a surprise party for my 40th. I didn't have a clue. Came home (tired) from a dinner with my H and there it was. Lovely gesture, though, I thought at first.
Turned out that this friend wasn't keen on many of my other friends, so she'd only invited the people she was close to. So it was a very small group, including two couples who were barely nodding acquaintances to me, but she went a long way back with.
I was so stressed about all the old friends who might’ve thought I'd organised it and left them out. So it could've been much worse, OP!

Only if you posted something that could be construed as a personal attack or hate speech. Maybe criticising someone’s grammar falls into that category now!

😂😂🤦‍♀️ Where have I gone wrong in my life, that I can only dream of having 40 people to invite to a party?? I'm only 35, and think I'm a nice enough person... perhaps I'm not!!

@maudelovesharold
Really?
That's a bit depressing...

I’ve just gone back to look at the post you were commenting on. It is a bit much - 5 of them in one post must be some kind of record! It seems to be frowned upon in anywhere other than Pedants’ corner, though!

I don’t know what the grounds for deletion would be?

It sounds poorly organised which isn't your responsibility.

I did a surprise party for dd when she turned 18 I invited 80 and about 50 came I was gutted but it was still lovely.

Even when I was getting married and paid for everything for my bridesmaids no one thought to surprise me with a coffee😂

Op are you upset because they missed some people off? Upset because your family couldn’t be there? Or just because 40 felt like a small number in a massive room, so therefore embarrassing

I meant to add plus close friends. This would make the party around 45 people altogether. I'd much rather this than have double the amount of people who were really acquaintances rather than close family & friends.

Lucky. My 40th is this year. Will just be me and my husband and son. No big fancy party or anything.

You can hardly run your own 'surprise' party.

I organised a surprise party for a friend (her husband had died a couple of years before the big milestone party and she would become older than him for the first time) and it’s a lot of work. I asked a lot of questions as I planned it over 8 months. Your friend knocked something together in 2 weeks. Some
people didn’t know or couldn’t come. You had 40 people there who you probably didn’t get round to speak to at length anyway. Just enjoy what did happen and send your organiser friend a big bunch of flowers

I'm surprised the op is getting a bit of a kicking tbh.. She is upset that people she would've wanted there weren't there for whatever reason (change of date, bad date choice, no invite in the first place etc etc) and that as someone as organised as herself would've made better choices in regards to arrangements had she been (theoretically of course) in charge of the festivities. I don't think she's complaining about the lack of friends or people who care about her. Apologies OP if I'm way off. I think I'd feel some way about this too. ❤️

40 is fine i wouldn't worry i once went to a friends meal that was booked for 15 people table laid out at restaurant and only the friend her partner and me and my partner turned up the staff ended up changing our table that was embarrassing. 40 people is not embarrassing

I hate surprises of any kind, I'm an organiser and I get my joy from planning as much as from the thing itself. I suspect you're the same, and you wish you'd done the organising as you'd have made sure your closest friends were available. I think 40 people is loads of people and if you're worried that it's just "not enough" then that's a bit shallow and ungrateful, but I can understand missing some really close people or wishing you'd had more input to make it more how you would choose. I don't think you can complain though, and there's plenty more parties to come in your life. Plus how lovely your friend arranged for 40 people and a venue, food, entertainment - I sincerely doubt anyone in my life would bother to that extent!! (Although also gladly, as I don't like surprises!!)

Gutted about 50 people.. wow.