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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Surprise party but not many people showed

75 replies

Malibu2022 · 14/02/2025 21:02

My friend threw me a surprise party for my birthday we don’t actually live in my home country it was beautiful with all of my favourite things and colours theme the works however not many people showed and I can’t help think about it.

there was quite a few people away that date, some people messaged me the day after seeing my Instagram stories apologising that they weren’t there but they hadn’t been invited, the party was organised in 4 weeks and the date had changed half way through again people has messaged me saying they thought it was the day after as the original date.

my husband has also forgot to invite some people and there are people he wouldn’t of thought to ask.

I can’t help but feel sad and anxious about it as so much effort went into it anyone else experienced this?

I just kinda wish I had known about it and could of been in charge of the guest list and the rest being a surprise especially as we are away from home and my friends and family back home wasn’t invited being short notice they wouldn’t had to book flights etc.

OP posts:
LillyPJ · 14/02/2025 21:49

I don't like the idea of surprise parties anyway! But changing the date half way through is a recipe for disaster and a disappointing party is worse than no party at all. YANBU

Bonjovispyjamas · 14/02/2025 21:51

I don't even know 40 people.

pinkyredrose · 14/02/2025 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oof! Was that necessary?

Original poster
Malibu2022 · 14/02/2025 21:53

I am actually from the uk but I live in a different country

OP posts:
GravyBoatWars · 14/02/2025 22:01

If 40 guests is "not many" for a birthday party when you're living away from home and family...

How many guests would you have liked?
Was this a major milestone birthday?
And who paid for this party that you wish was much larger?

PondWarrior · 14/02/2025 22:02

You… have more than 40 friends? 🤯😂

ethelredonagoodday · 14/02/2025 22:04

I don't think 40 people at such short notice is bad going. My husband has a big birthday this autumn and people know the date now for his party!

LostittoBostik · 14/02/2025 22:05

Sakura7 · 14/02/2025 21:27

God I hate this kind of nonsense.

40 people is loads and you sound really shallow and ungrateful.

She doesn't sound ungrateful, she's gutted that a bunch of her good mates got left out due to the shite admin skills of her DF and DH.

Tbh if you're going to go ahead and something like this you really have to pull your finger out and do it properly - network like crazy to make sure you've reached all the branches of friendship groups that you personally might be nothing to do with.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 14/02/2025 22:08

Some people were messaging you saying 'I didn't come because I wasn't invited!' Who would say that?! Confused

I agree with pps. Getting all sad and weepy because ONLY 40 people turned up to your party is ridiculous! As some others have said, I thought you were going to say only 4 to 6 people out of 38 to 40 invited had come or something. (And I DO know someone this happened to... 7 people out of 37 turned up. Now that was upsetting!)

ONLY 40 people indeed! Hmm

Wintersgirl · 14/02/2025 22:09

40? I thought you were going to say about 9!

TheSidewinderSleepsTonite · 14/02/2025 22:09

Here's me picturing a large empty room with 7 people standing awkwardly in it 🤣

Anewyearanewday · 14/02/2025 22:11

I have to say I rolled my eyes when I read that your friends and family couldn't book flights at such short notice. I mean, come on, its a birthday party. I'd be MORTIFIED to ask people to take a flight so they could go to my birthday party.

A lot of perspective is needed OP.

You should be thankful that forty people showed up and you didn't make others feel an obligation to attend.

Redglitter · 14/02/2025 22:12

I'd think 40 showing up. If that's your idea of not many I can't imagine how many you'd think was a good number

I thought you were going to say about 7

SweetBabyCheesus · 14/02/2025 22:16

Bonjovispyjamas · 14/02/2025 21:51

I don't even know 40 people.

Same! I suppose family could make up some of it, but I've only definitely only got a few friends that I'd invite to a party

BubbleIceTea · 14/02/2025 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Youcanttakeanelephantonthebus · 14/02/2025 22:23

I'd have paid 40 people not to attend so I could stay at home and not socialise.

Original poster
Malibu2022 · 14/02/2025 22:25

This is exactly it I am super super grateful I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful it’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me it just made me feel anxious for the amount of effort that was put into the theme, entertainment, photography etc and the amount of money was spend which was a few thousand I am gutted that a good bunch of people couldn’t be part of it I did say I wasn’t having a party as it was a big birthday and I had gone on a big holiday in hindsight I wish I could of helped with the organisation of the people so everyone couldn’t been together and enjoyed it all.

OP posts:
LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 14/02/2025 22:27

Malibu2022 · 14/02/2025 22:25

This is exactly it I am super super grateful I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful it’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me it just made me feel anxious for the amount of effort that was put into the theme, entertainment, photography etc and the amount of money was spend which was a few thousand I am gutted that a good bunch of people couldn’t be part of it I did say I wasn’t having a party as it was a big birthday and I had gone on a big holiday in hindsight I wish I could of helped with the organisation of the people so everyone couldn’t been together and enjoyed it all.

Edited

Fair enough! Just stop stressing. LOADS of people came. Have another party, like a summer garden party in July or something, and invite the ones who were 'left out!' Happy birthday anyway! Flowers

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 14/02/2025 22:28

40 people and you’re not in your home country?! As an expat who has precisely 3 friends in the country they now live in and is lonely, I’d say 40 is just fine!

Original poster
Malibu2022 · 14/02/2025 22:28

This is actually a great plan I’m a terrible over thinker

OP posts:
LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 14/02/2025 22:29

Malibu2022 · 14/02/2025 22:28

This is actually a great plan I’m a terrible over thinker

Flowers
Justleaveitblankthen · 14/02/2025 22:35

40?! You made it sound like it was just your next door neighbour and your friend's nan with a homemade Quiche.

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 14/02/2025 22:37

No, come on, I invited 120+ to my 40th - if only 40 had turned up as it was a 'surprise' party I would have been gutted 😬

Meandhimtogether · 14/02/2025 22:38

Funny story.
Dad threw a surprise party for DM.(Wouldn't take our input)
Youger brother was in the army and deployed to Canada.
Mum comes in and everyone starts singing 'happy birthday'
She started to smile, wave and hug lots of people.
DB was sitting in the corner and she said to the family isn't it nice
that brothers best friend had come.
We asked her to look again cue lots of tears.
Brilliant night.

But I would have hated not being able to organise.

YesHonestly · 14/02/2025 22:42

I think some people are missing the point.

Yes 40 is a great number, but it sounds like a lot of the OP’s friends either weren’t invited, or were given the wrong date. I’d be upset about that too.