Feel a bit let down and hurt.

[familyfullofeccentrics1]

I’m prepared that I might be flamed for this but here goes.

i work for a large organisation but in a relatively smallish team. Over the past 5 years I’ve been there I’ve organised presents for people and contributed to even more. We’ve had 40th birthdays, 50th birthdays, retirements, new babies, new houses, a wedding and a couple more things.

anyway, I turned 40 on Tuesday and I’ve not had a single thing from them. I don’t know what to think. My boss asked last week what I was up to last weekend and I mentioned that it was my 40th on Tuesday and I was going out with my family for dinner on Sunday. I was in the office on Tuesday and no mention of it.

after all the time and effort I’ve gone to in organising numerous gifts for people (including my boss for his 40th) and all the money I’ve contributed I feel a bit hurt that it wasn’t reciprocated. I’m thinking that in future I’m not contributing to anymore gifts.

am I being ridiculous?

That's incredibly hurtful

Aww, i would be hurt as well!!. I would do no more contributions or organisation .
Happy belated birthday 🎂 🥳

I'd be upset too, it's horrible to be overlooked. Step back from organising for sure. I'll bet you do it all so nobody to do it for you.

Happy belated birthday 🎂

is there a chance they are arranging a collection and present for you as they have only found out a few days ago?

yeah I won’t be doing anything i future.

when I think of all the money I’ve sent across for people it must be in the hundreds.

i feel a bit silly for shelling all that out when they think so little of me.

tbh I would be saying something to your manager, namely that you are very hurt by your colleagues inaction and that you won’t be organising or taking part in any collections in the future

i remember when I was at work we got a presentation and gift when we reached 25 years, the manager however was an absolute bastard and didn’t do one for me. In the end I just asked him why not and who I should complain to about being treated differently.

The problem is if you are always the one organising things no one will think to step up and do yours as you are the "someone else" who they think will do it

I feel so conflicted about birthdays and work. I personally dislike a fuss or much attention in general, its lovely to receive a card but even for big birthdays I find cake/balloons/gifts over the top in the workplace. I do try to understand other people like it but it just isn't for me so I suspect that affects my behaviour when it comes to others. For my direct reports they will always get a card from me and if its a big milestone then a modest gift. I'm afraid I don't rally the rest of the team or force anybody else to acknowledge these things. I'm sorry you were ignored on your birthday.

I've never got involved with organising cards and collections or making cakes for the office. I always assumed those who did so got some kind of enjoyment out of it.

I'm sorry no one remembered your birthday, that's really crap behaviour.

I know you said you mentioned it to your boss but is there a chance the others didn't know? If they did, and just ignored it, then you are absolutely being reasonable to be upset.

I would absolutely not be organising collections for anyone else going forward and, if questioned, I would have no difficulty saying why, not in anger, just in a very reasonable way; "I don't think people are really interested in collections / gifts any more so I have stopped doing them. Nothing happened for my 40th so it seemed like a good time to call it a day." Said with a smile so no-one can make a big deal about you being bitter etc!

Btw maybe I didn’t make it clear I haven’t been responsible for organising ALL the collections over the years so I don’t think it’s a case of it not being done because I always do it.

i think they’re just a shower of arseholes 😂

Aww it's very understandable that you're feeling hurt. In future just step back from all celebrations and let your workmates feel the hurt of being forgotten !

I hope you had a lovely birthday and enjoy your celebrations on Sunday with the people who love you !! 💖✨

I think it's this 😞

Yep I get it. At my last job I had to go.on mat leave early due to hyeremesis gravidarum. I feel like they just forgot me thought I know covid kicked off at same time. I got nothing when baby was born not even a congratulations text. I told my team leader when born etc but nothing from team. No one even asked after him in the nicu. When I returned it was remote working and still he was barely mentioned. He has disabilities so I feel like people were scared to talk about him. People are selfish. I left 6 months later and never got a leaving card

Exactly the same thing happened to me. My 40th was completely overlooked except a card from one colleague who I had known for years. I had always been heavily involved with arranging a card, balloons, drinks etc for others big birthdays or special occasions. I felt incredibly hurt. I stepped back after that but people still seem to arrange things for others. It will be my 50th next year and it will be interesting to see if the same happens again.

Honestly it's crap. I've worked in offices where birthdays were not celebrated, others where it was absolutely an expectation. Either is fine but it has to be consistent and no one should be left out or get special treatment.

@familyfullofeccentrics1 not be contributing again then, will you??

Time to pull a sickie and put your feet up for a week lol

I’m so sorry you and your baby were treated so badly 💐😢🩷

Yanbu , but I hit yabu by mistake. Agh Happy birthday.

I would not be contributing or organising ever again
What a bunch of fuckers. If be so annoyed!

Who does it when you don't? How are you made aware about the need for a collection because of your boss tells you and has failed to do so for your 40th aid be contacting HR and pointing out the omission.

Yeah, that’s hurtful. Just take a step back from any organising in future. I will say one thing though, not to excuse, but I DO think things are quite low key now post Covid and with the CoL crisis. Not an excuse, a card would have been nice; but I have noticed a scaling back when people in my team leave or have birthdays for sure.

This happened to me in my last job.

My 40th was ignored, a week later someone had a 47th birthday and got a cake and whatever.

Shortly afterwards I got cancer and their true colours showed again, the only contact they had with me was harrassment to come back to work as I was needed for all the Christmas events which, apparently, couldn't run without me there, and then one message to ask me to put towards someone's leaving gift.

I bent over backwards for that job and the people there, it was a bloody wake up call that's for sure.

Hope you had a great day outside of work op 💐

I take it the rest of them are all men?

That absolutely sucks. Sympathies, OP. Next time I was asked to contribute to someone else’s birthday I would first make sure I could be overheard and say ‘oh, I didn’t think we were doing these any more…’