Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Online date

35 replies

PerkyOchrePeer · 14/02/2025 00:13

I got chatting to a guy online and he seemed okay so we swapped photos. he was ok to look at but I did not like his personality. He kept asking me if I fancied him from his photo. He then said can I meet you next week to get to know you. I said I don't meet people I hardly know and he said to me where you can get to know me when you meet me. I kept on saying can be chat first and he said I want to meet you so I told him I don't think we are onto the same thing here and I don't really think we should chat anymore and say goodbye.

OP posts:
ThatMerryReader · 14/02/2025 00:26

This reply has been hidden

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

Enough4me · 14/02/2025 00:28

In summary- you don't like his personality.
Say no, block, move on.

ImDoneOnceAndForAll · 14/02/2025 00:29

Ok. You said goodbye

What would you like us to tell you?

Eenameenadeeka · 14/02/2025 00:34

I don't quite understand what you mean but if you already felt like you wouldn't get along based off of your online messaging, it's probably a good idea to just not meet up.

PerkyOchrePeer · 14/02/2025 01:06

ImDoneOnceAndForAll · 14/02/2025 00:29

Ok. You said goodbye

What would you like us to tell you?

That he is a dodgy person because he's secretive about why he got divorced and why he left Argentina to live in the UK and he keeps thinking that we have a good connection no I'm sorry we don't

OP posts:
PeteReturns · 14/02/2025 01:09

It doesn’t sound like you’re in the right frame of mind to be online dating.
thats not a slight against you, I’m not either which is why I’m not doing it, you need a thick skin for it and good boundaries.

No33 · 14/02/2025 01:11

My cat has a more legible dating history, and that's before he found my tinder

No33 · 14/02/2025 01:12

PerkyOchrePeer · 14/02/2025 01:06

That he is a dodgy person because he's secretive about why he got divorced and why he left Argentina to live in the UK and he keeps thinking that we have a good connection no I'm sorry we don't

That's a hell of a drip drip drip

Quinlan · 14/02/2025 01:13

PerkyOchrePeer · 14/02/2025 01:06

That he is a dodgy person because he's secretive about why he got divorced and why he left Argentina to live in the UK and he keeps thinking that we have a good connection no I'm sorry we don't

So why are you writing a thread about it?

I did online dating. You had to wade through a pile of shit. You chat with people, you’re not into them, you say bye and unmatch. The end. If I stared a thread about every guy I didn’t want to meet up with, I’d have never had a moment off mumsnet!

What is it you want people to say? You’re online dating, you talked, you don’t like him. So what? Don’t talk to him again and move on with your life.

You don’t sound like you have the constitution for online dating. Maybe just don’t.

PerkyOchrePeer · 14/02/2025 01:21

Somebody said to me you can't get a man so it first I thought I'll meet this man just to prove to her that I am able to get a man but then I thought something's not right here so I didn't pursue it

OP posts:
PerkyOchrePeer · 14/02/2025 01:23

I can't get a man I've heard you got any friends I think there's something seriously wrong with me I'm going to get some help I need to see a shrink

OP posts:
EBearhug · 14/02/2025 01:31

Online dating can be brutal. You need to be feeling secure in yourself before setting out on it.

When you're ready - there are far more frogs than prince's. And there are dating threads on here.

wholettheturnipsburn · 14/02/2025 01:33

YABU

or maybe YANBU

Who knows

PerkyOchrePeer · 14/02/2025 01:54

EBearhug · 14/02/2025 01:31

Online dating can be brutal. You need to be feeling secure in yourself before setting out on it.

When you're ready - there are far more frogs than prince's. And there are dating threads on here.

I think I I'm not cut out for dating and I prefer my own company too much

OP posts:
ChellyT · 14/02/2025 02:05

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

😂Love this x

Crazycatlady79 · 14/02/2025 02:13

You're clearly not in the right frame of mind to be posting on AIBU, let alone trying online dating.
Both can be brutal.

Crazycatlady79 · 14/02/2025 02:14

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

You don't actually have to be such a 🐄 in your response.

DurinsBane · 14/02/2025 02:16

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

Bit harsh. She could have dyslexia or something

Quinlan · 14/02/2025 08:25

Ok, this is going to sound insulting but i’m really not saying it to be insulting. I’m trying to be constructive and give you an example.

Is the way you typed this thread similar to how you have typed your online dating profile? And similar to how you type when you talk to men you’ve matched with on online dating, @PerkyOchrePeer ?

By that I mean muddled, rambly and with no or incorrect punctuation? Because, the men you’re going to attract will be similar in style to yourself. Again, this will sound bad and i’m sorry, but “better” men, educated, well spoken, more attention detailed etc, won’t be attracted to a profile written like this. It’s going to attract men who are looking for a vulnerable woman they can take advantage of, or it’s going to attract men who write a similar way and aren’t exactly a good prospect. They just tend to be a bit… meh and unreliable.

You need to present your best self, and be able to type a sentence together and hold a written conversation if you want to match with men who are decent long-term prospects.

It’s not as true in the real world. Lots of people are functionally illiterate and really struggle with written communication, but it doesn’t matter because you get to know them through other communication. But online, there is just such a high number of really shitty men, or men looking for vulnerable woman and your writing style is a big sign that you could be used. You’ll attract the wrong man.

I was only dating, and only occasionally matched with someone who was clearly looking for a woman to take advantage of but it was rare and i’d unmatch them within a few sentences. My friend, who struggles with writing and isn’t very good at putting herself forward in a way that makes sense, pretty much only ever matched with really shitty men looking for women they could easily manipulate and love bomb with comments like this man made (great connection, meant to be, so right for each other after only a couple of chats).

You’re attracting the wrong type of man if you write the way you have here. It sucks and i’m sorry to be saying it, but you do need to try and protect yourself from that. Maybe get some help writing your profile and with the way you communicate online?

PerkyOchrePeer · 14/02/2025 15:21

Quinlan · 14/02/2025 08:25

Ok, this is going to sound insulting but i’m really not saying it to be insulting. I’m trying to be constructive and give you an example.

Is the way you typed this thread similar to how you have typed your online dating profile? And similar to how you type when you talk to men you’ve matched with on online dating, @PerkyOchrePeer ?

By that I mean muddled, rambly and with no or incorrect punctuation? Because, the men you’re going to attract will be similar in style to yourself. Again, this will sound bad and i’m sorry, but “better” men, educated, well spoken, more attention detailed etc, won’t be attracted to a profile written like this. It’s going to attract men who are looking for a vulnerable woman they can take advantage of, or it’s going to attract men who write a similar way and aren’t exactly a good prospect. They just tend to be a bit… meh and unreliable.

You need to present your best self, and be able to type a sentence together and hold a written conversation if you want to match with men who are decent long-term prospects.

It’s not as true in the real world. Lots of people are functionally illiterate and really struggle with written communication, but it doesn’t matter because you get to know them through other communication. But online, there is just such a high number of really shitty men, or men looking for vulnerable woman and your writing style is a big sign that you could be used. You’ll attract the wrong man.

I was only dating, and only occasionally matched with someone who was clearly looking for a woman to take advantage of but it was rare and i’d unmatch them within a few sentences. My friend, who struggles with writing and isn’t very good at putting herself forward in a way that makes sense, pretty much only ever matched with really shitty men looking for women they could easily manipulate and love bomb with comments like this man made (great connection, meant to be, so right for each other after only a couple of chats).

You’re attracting the wrong type of man if you write the way you have here. It sucks and i’m sorry to be saying it, but you do need to try and protect yourself from that. Maybe get some help writing your profile and with the way you communicate online?

Just to explain, it was not an online dating site where you make a profile so I did not write a profile. It was a chat room where you go into the room and someone says hello you say hello back and they can message you privately and you can have a one to one conversation and that's what happens

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 14/02/2025 15:28

PerkyOchrePeer · 14/02/2025 01:06

That he is a dodgy person because he's secretive about why he got divorced and why he left Argentina to live in the UK and he keeps thinking that we have a good connection no I'm sorry we don't

He’s being sensible, OP, and there’s something you can learn from him here which will help you in dating and keeping yourself safe. It’s really not a good idea to be telling strangers all about your life history, your past relationships and why they ended, your vulnerabilities etc. Not everyone is good, and there are plenty of people out there who will try to sniff out vulnerable people and those who are too free and easy with “opening up” immediately because they think that’s how connections are built, and take advantage.

When you’re chatting to somebody online, and even on the initial dates, you don’t owe them your past and finer details. It’s completely healthy and the right thing to do to focus on gradually getting to know somebody, and not instantly talking about your exes and your previous relationships. No new person in your life needs - or should want - to know that.

It’s absolutely fine to not like his personality and so not want to take things further; but don’t mistake “connection” for “oversharing.” And anybody can be anybody they want to be online. Arranging to meet relatively quickly, just for a casual coffee or drink, to establish that somebody is at least who they say they are, is much more advisable than lots of online chatting, building up a faux intimacy and then being let down.

PerkyOchrePeer · 14/02/2025 15:32

I would not do online dating because you have to pay to join and it is quite expensive and if you don't meet anybody suitable then it's all a waste of money and I do not have money to waste.

Somebody I know joined an online dating sites and you have to pay £50 per month and you have a contract whereby you agree to pay this fee for one year. If you are lucky enough to meet someone before the end of the yeah you have to continue with the monthly payments regardles. When the year is up and the contract comes to an end you can apply to take out another contract or stop paying and leave the online . dating site. If you work it out it is 600 pounds for a year and I do not think it is worth it and I believe it is a money making a scam and if you don't meet anybody within the Year why would anybody take out another contract paying another 600 pounds because I think it's ludicrous

The person I know met a man within five months of joining but obviously she had to pay for the rest of the year then she cancels and didn't go back to the site because she has now made a life with this man getting married and expecting a baby search forestry is concerned yes it cost her 600 pounds for the year but she said it was worth it because she's found a man

OP posts:
PerkyOchrePeer · 14/02/2025 15:34

For 600 pounds I could go for a weekend in Paris rather than spending it on a dating site and at the end of it not meeting anybody's suitable

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 14/02/2025 15:34

You know there's more than one online dating site? And they don't all have ridiculous fees like that one?

PerkyOchrePeer · 14/02/2025 15:36

And to be honest I'm not that desperate for a man that I would pay 600 pounds to try and find someone

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread