14 yo Teenager refusing a haircut

[FootFlapperage]

I've been trying to convince my son he really needs a trim up, you can still see the style when he had it done so wouldn't be to upsetting for him
But he's adamant that's how he wants it & it's making me anxious. It's so bushy now, and he doesn't brush & he'll wash in the shower if I'm lucky.
I'm surprised the school hasn't spoken to me about it, I need some advice please, because I'm on my own and it's difficult to get support.. I'd ask my mum to take us but she's unwell.
The barbers are out of town too
Aibu to my son?

I have two boys with waist length hair (one is below the waist now actually) I do need to support with washing (yes they have sen) but the eldest is getting really good with caring for it now still can't coordinate to tie it back but I do it for school and he let's it free the rest of the time tbh

Why would school speak to you about an outgrown haircut?!! Leave him to it, he's 14 and can choose what he wants on his own head. I fried the shit out of mine with Sun In at his age so it could be worse.

14 is more than old enough to choose his own hairstyle.

The hair or the goat?

My 15 year old son has hair down to his bum. Let it go.

I think that maybe the school mentioned the shower dodging rather than the haircut?

The school haven't mentioned anything. The OP said she was surprised the school hadn't mentioned it yet -as in the hair cut.

Washing and brushing are definitely necessary but it's his hair if he doesn't want to cut it. The current trend for teen boys looks absolutely rediculous to me but then when I look back on what everyone had at their age I also think "what were we thinking" I'm sure it's just a stage

Yes, that’s my view. DS1 has very long hair - has to tie it up for work. DS did - but then took himself off to the barbers a few months ago and has been several times since. If it breaks a school rule, did with that then. Otherwise leave it. Hair can be cut later.

Personal hygiene is non-negotiable. He should be clean in himself and have clean hair. The length of his hair shouldn't be an issue with the school surely?! As long as it's tied back, then I don't see the problem. Buy him a hair brush and tell him he needs to brush it and tie it back for school. I wouldn't make a fuss over it - it's a phase and within a short timeframe, he'll want short hair again!!

Rules in this house: keep it clean and get a brush through it or get it cut short.

Mine DS has been trying to grow his pre Raphaelite curls to a decent length since circa 15. About 3 years. Gets occasional trim. I think it looks fab, it's still only bob length.

It's his choice and not yours. He has made it clear to you that he likes it this way.

Don't be emotionally manipulative by saying that his hair makes you anxious - it's clear you don't like it but that is entirely your own issue to manage.

Pick your battles. My son has had a buzz cut, highlights, perm, mohawk, the style with the Fringe blowdried back (Tiktok), grew it long, the unruly messy bush looking style lots of boys tend to have now. I just leave him to get on with it as it's his hair and he's just experimenting with expressing himself.

Totally normal. My DS 16, has wavy shoulder length hair that looks lush when it's just been washed. I can't grow mine longer than about chin length so I'm very jealous. 😩

I cut all my beautiful hair off when I was 14 and have been growing it back for the last 25 years.

Leave him to it - it’s his hair and he’s old enough to make his own choices now. Just get loads of photos if it looks ridiculous so you can torture him with reminders of his ‘yoof’ on his wedding day or something equally cringe 😂

The goat

I knew a few people who wore those Afghan coats made from goat skins in the 70s. They did smell a bit.

Most men/boys look better with longer hair in my opinion.

It needs to be clean and brushed … sounds like you’re saying it isn’t which is a problem. I wouldn’t care about the length though as long as he could see.

His hair, his choice...I would insist on him washing it though

He's old enough to decide how he wants to wear his hair. If it's against the school's dress code for boys to have long hair, they'll say something to him. He does need to keep it clean though.

When you say it's bushy, does he have curly hair? He may need some help with products to keep it neat, like a leave-in conditioner and gel.

I’m old enough to be his gran. I think it’s normal at this stage for him not to want a haircut.

I would let him be now. It’s the transition now into him becoming an adult and making his own decisions. Hair is one thing that doesn’t matter. You can argue about more important things.

His body his choice.