Maintenance post 18

[Chucklecheeks01]

DD 18 is off to university in September (hopefully). Her dad has stated he will be finishing paying maintenance for her now she is 18. I asked if he would be giving her some sort of contribution whilst at university and he has said no. Her choice to attend university, so she pays.

She will be entitled to a full maintenance loan. I am wondering if I would be seen as unreasonable to ask for a contribution from dad when she is home during the holidays. She has not stayed with him overnight for nearly ten years, I think he has forgotten how much an extra body in the home costs.

DD has SEN, attending university is a big deal (something we never thought would happen). Asking her to get a job at the same time is not feasible.

Dad has always paid maintenance as worked out by the CMS.

I would ask him....... but he doesn't have to agree.

You can ask but he doesn't have to and with that attitude I suspect he won't

Agree with this.

You csn ask but he doesn't have to
My nephew finished uni last year he got full loans ,his parents are divorced and could only afford to send him the odd £20 ,here and there he managed .

My husband paid for his children until they were 21 .. 2 went to college, 1 went to do an apprenticeship.

Its the right thing to do

CMS stops payments when child leaves further education, university is higher education. If you had to go through CMS to get maintenance in the first place, he's not going to willing pay once she's left school.

In your opinion lots of parents can't afford it.

Would she qualify for PIP?
If she’s on full loan then as long as she picks uni carefully re accommodation costs she should be ok. Some universities offer additional bursaries for yp on full loan.

My attitude? Its a genuine question where I'm trying to gage the general consensus before asking what some could see as a unreasonable request.

I don't want a precarious parenting relationship to go down hill by asking for something that is unreasonable.

His attitude?

Honestly it sounds like you’d be wasting your time. A decent parent would be sending money to their adult dc directly whilst they are at uni to help support them. Even the odd £50 here and there if money is tight. He’s said he won’t be giving her anything, so you’ve got no chance of him sending you money during the holidays.

I think the poster meant his attitude, based on him saying he wouldn't pay past 18. Children, especially sen, can use a longer window of support with high costs of living as we have now.

Yanbu to ask.

Legally he doesn’t have to agree. So if he doesn’t agree to it then that’s it really.

Morally he should want to pay something. If he agrees then the amount will be something to discuss between you.

YANBU to ask but I doubt he’ll pay anything. He sounds VVU to just cut his daughter off like that because the law says he can.

You can ask, you can't make him. I would suggest though he has her for half the holidays to be fair if he doesn't want to pay anything. My ex paid right through university because he's decent including £200 to cover her room here, food when she's here and me driving her too and from.

How is her relationship with him? Could she approach him and show what she’s getting from SFE and accommodation costs. If he thinks it’s for her not you he might be more amenable even if it’s a shopping gift card.

I had the same thing Op. he agreed to pay when youngest went to uni, then lo and behold as soon as he went he stopped. If we’d have stayed married he’d have contributed. Awful.

Look into DSA for your daughter too.

Thank you for your comments. I will look into DSA. She has picked her second choice university as the accommodation is a lot cheaper and its closer to home if she needs to come home as living away is too much.

You can ask, you can't make him. I would suggest though he has her for half the holidays

She'll decide for herself where she spends her holidays, surely?

You can’t insist on it though a good father would offer to help support her.

Whose choice has it been for her not to have any overnights etc with him in so long, his or hers? If it’s been largely hers then I suspect as a parent I might also think “stuff them, if they can’t be bothered with me I can’t be bothered with them, either.” And ultimately, if it’s been his decision, expecting him to suddenly step up and start going above and beyond is pretty unrealistic.

Have you spoken to the university about any additional funding or support available to students with disabilities? Any grants which can be accessed for those unable to work to fund their studies?

True lots of people can't but the fact that OP has asked means that she thinks he can afford obviously.

He has pretty much already said no, hasn’t he? If he won’t help DD while she is away at uni it’s surely even more unlikely he’s going to give you money while she’s at home.

Give it a go though, not like there’s anything to lose.

Awww I feel for you. I left abusive exDP as DC2 was about to go to uni. I asked him to give DC2 a sum of money each month for uni. This sum was less than the amount he was saving by not having me and DC2 at home. He refused. Made me feel sick, especially as he is a man with 3 degrees so he definitely believes in university!!!

Luckily DC2 is very frugal and managed to get a well-paid job, so it has worked out ok.

But it does honestly make you seriously question whether these dads genuinely want the best for their kids!