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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a weekend away without the kids?

41 replies

OverTheRaincloud · 13/02/2025 11:50

Some university friends are arranging a get together in a couple of months. We are scattered around the UK now so never see each other as a group except for weddings (which haven't been for a while as almost all are coupled up).

It's a way away for me, so would definitely involve Saturday night away, and leaving early Saturday morning, coming back late on Sunday.

I've never had a night away from the kids except from when I've been in hospital. DH is on board (and will get his parents over to help out) but I can't shake the feeling of guilt around it. It might be because DD2 (4 years old) has just started school (DD1 is in year 1) so now I feel like I don't see that much of them except on weekends because of school and wraparound. And DS (2 year old) is old enough to miss me but not properly understand why.

I can't help feeling I'm maybe being a bit selfish to give up on some nice quality weekend time with the kids, I think it would be different if it was just an evening or afternoon or something but this wipes out a while weekend. And also it's obviously costing a bit with transport and accommodation (not like I'm staying in a luxury hotel or anything though!) Or am I just over thinking and being a martyr?

YABU stay home and give it a miss
YANBU it's fine to go

OP posts:
Ph3 · 13/02/2025 11:56

You’re not being a martyr but you are overthinking it. However this is completely normal and natural. ☺️ If you think you will enjoy it by all means go as long as you known your kids will be safe and loved you should enjoy it. Yes it’s a weekend away but it can be very re charging to be away for a short bit of time. I was very much like you with mine but happy to go for a night now. Specially if I leave them with my in laws as I would know they would be very much cared for.

stayathomer · 13/02/2025 11:57

Op honestly you should do something like this once a year, the kids need to see their mum can get out and have fun!

Fidgety31 · 13/02/2025 11:59

Make the most of the opportunity. You’ve got a lifetime with your kids . Done neglect your friendships - you are more than just a mum .

PragmaticIsh · 13/02/2025 12:02

I headed off to Morocco for four days with friends when DC2 was 18 months. DCs were happy at home with DH, I had a brilliant time away and came back refreshed. I wasn't sure before but DH really pushed me to go and said he'd be fine.

It's important to invest quality time in adult friendships, even if you're a parent!

FrenchandSaunders · 13/02/2025 12:04

Go OP will do you the world of good.

OohRains · 13/02/2025 12:05

Would a man think twice about this?

No.
Also, why does he need to get his parents in to help? This is a scenario that many single parents face week in week out

MammaTo · 13/02/2025 12:10

Go, it will honestly do you the world of good. I was so nervous to leave mine for the first time but the kids will be fine. They’ll have a lovely weekend getting spoilt by grandparents, you’ll get a lie in and a slow morning to enjoy a cuppa in bed. You’ve just got to make that jump to leave them overnight the once and it’s like a weight is lifted and you’ll get more comfortable leaving them. I’m a massive believer of needing some time away from the kids, even for just 1 night, it doesn’t make you a bad mum and the kids will start to make their own happy little memories of sleeping in GP’s and being spoilt rotten.

nellythe · 13/02/2025 12:11

You’d be doing your children a favour to go. They’ll get a mum home who has been able to let her hair down for a few days and they will have gained the valuable experience of being without you for a day or two. Healthy for everybody!

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 13/02/2025 12:12

Why would he need his parents to help out?! They're not babies. Just go and have a good time.

skippy67 · 13/02/2025 12:13

Only go if you're going to enjoy yourself, and not spend the weekend talking about "mum guilt" to your friends...

Rickrolypoly · 13/02/2025 12:15

I get that you will miss them but honestly, GO!

You are not just a mother, you need to nurture your other relationships too. You also deserve some time to yourself to just relax and have some fun.

Also, it will be nice for the kids to have alone time with Dad.

mummyofhyperDD · 13/02/2025 12:16

Go! It's so important to have your own life too and not just be someone's mum. You will come back feeling a decade younger from uninterrupted sleep and some fun with your friends

Notgivenuphope · 13/02/2025 12:21

You really need to cut the apron strings a bit OP. It’s one night! Go and enjoy and keep that phone off

comfyshoes2022 · 13/02/2025 12:24

Going away for this length of time is totally normal, in my opinion. Your kids will be fine! It’s important to maintain your friendships.

InsolentAnnie · 13/02/2025 12:26

Go! I do, every so often, and have done since they were little. A couple of weekends a year (one work, one leisure), and a week in the summer (the latter isn’t ideal, but it’s freelance work that pays for our family holiday). The kids have a lovely weekend of Daddy time. DH and I have a weekend away on our own every year too. There are roughly 104 weekend nights in a year - missing one of them isn’t going to harm anyone, and the kids will have some lovely bonding time with your husband.

Naunet · 13/02/2025 13:33

You're a human being in your own right, your whole life should not revolve around being a mum. Go!

NotSmallButFunSize · 13/02/2025 13:49

Have a listen to the Motherkind podcast and understand that this is not guilt! Guilt comes from something that contradicts your values and drives you to "make amends" etc.

This is internalised shame at daring to believe you matter too and is driven by all the Mum Guilt shite we read as if it is just something we have to believe and accept!

Go, have a fabulous time! Kids need to see you prioritising your own well-being alongside theirs - does wonders for their own self worth to see it happening for others!

Bananalanacake · 13/02/2025 13:52

I've just booked a week away in London to stay in my flat while my DH will be at home in Germany with our 2 DDs, they are 8 and 10, I don't feel in the slightest bit guilty, I'm really looking forward to it.

ahdlfj · 13/02/2025 13:56

Why on earth would your DH's parents need to help?

Laoise542 · 13/02/2025 13:59

Of course it's absolutely fine to go. There's 52 weekends in a year and you've got years to spend with them. Having one weekend away is going to have zero impact on time you spend with your children. They won't even remember you going away! It's essential to maintain relationships with your friends as well.

I work full time and have had weekends away. I feel zero guilt about these and my two year old has so far not been traumatised by it. And I'm another one not sure why your husband needs his parents about to help out!

DappledThings · 13/02/2025 14:03

I do this at least twice a year with zero guilt. And without DH needing help for one evening. What does he need help with that he has to call on his parents?

Oistinemup · 13/02/2025 14:12

Go!! and have some fun as an independent person . Your life outside the home is important too.

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 13/02/2025 14:14

It's more unreasonable your dh can't manage his own dc without mil's help...

Fluffyc1ouds · 13/02/2025 14:14

Of course you should go! It sounds long overdue.

Sanch1 · 13/02/2025 17:26

Go it's one night! I left my 3 adds for 4 days last year and went to Ibiza with a mate 😂

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