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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH always has to be a little bit more ill

38 replies

Soupshenanigans · 12/02/2025 18:33

Anyone else’s DP have to be ill at the same as them but worse?

I have pneumonia, and am talking a cocktail of antibiotics at home. My DD is teething and I think this has contributed to my illness as I was feeling ropey last week and had 6 nights in a row of barely any sleep.

Now DH has decided he feels awful with a cold. My MIL has been here today helping look after DS so I can rest up, but has actually spent a lot of the afternoon running around after DH fetching him drinks etc. I’ve ended up cooking and giving DD dinner and bath and will probably be up in the night as DH says he’s in need of a good sleep.

A pattern does seem to be developing that when I’m sick I carry on but when DH is he has to be worse so he can be waited on? Does this happen to anyone else?

OP posts:
stayathomer · 12/02/2025 18:35

Terrible they weren’t doing stuff for you as you need the rest but to be fair your husband might be getting sick too

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/02/2025 18:36

Some people are very suggestible.

I can be like this; someone will mention they have diarrhoea and I’ll start imagining that my tummy feels iffy. I am aware I’m doing it, though, so can shake it off.

Think women are just more robust and able to get on with things. We get up and clean because we HAVE to (fairies don’t do it) and men think, “Oh, I’m too unwell to do that.” Then think they’re more unwell because you’re doing something and they ‘can’t’.

ThatUniqueKoala · 12/02/2025 18:37

You're both sick, it's not a competition.
One of you gets a good night's sleep tonight, the other tomorrow.

44PumpLane · 12/02/2025 18:38

stayathomer · 12/02/2025 18:35

Terrible they weren’t doing stuff for you as you need the rest but to be fair your husband might be getting sick too

Yes but the OP isn't "getting sick" she is currently absolutely sick and Pneumonia can literally kill you. It's not a cold you just have to plough on through!

OP can you go anywhere so your husband has no choice but to get on with things? Can you go to a friend or family members house so you don't have responsibilities for your child.

You may end up in hospital otherwise.

PinkPonyClub25 · 12/02/2025 18:40

I have pneumonia also at the moment seconded in with bad asthma attacks.
I was told last week by my GP that I ought to be in hospital with how bad my asthma is. I decided against it because I have two disabled dc and told DH that I'll still need to rest and not over do it.

Guess what? 3 hours later he was suddenly unwell, and has been in his dressing gown of doom for the past 4 days while muggings has to carry on doing the school runs, cooking etc while trying not to end up in a&e.

So you have greatest sympathises op.

thepariscrimefiles · 12/02/2025 18:42

ThatUniqueKoala · 12/02/2025 18:37

You're both sick, it's not a competition.
One of you gets a good night's sleep tonight, the other tomorrow.

Pneumonia versus a cold! OP is obviously sicker than her DH.

StillTryingToKeepGoing · 12/02/2025 18:46

This is exactly my DH. It drives me insane. I don’t even tell him when I’m not feeling well now, as I know he’ll be worse. When he asks me how I slept, I never answer negatively because I know he’s only asking because he wants to complain about his sleep. All very negative 😭

Original poster
Soupshenanigans · 12/02/2025 18:46

I’m not trying to make it a competition at all. It’s just that when I’m ill I just suck it up as I still have children to feed, get to nursery etc. But the same doesn’t seem to be applied to me.

OP posts:
Therealjudgejudy · 12/02/2025 18:47

Whats with all these pathetic men?

And why are you putting up with it??

BellissimoGecko · 12/02/2025 18:53

You have pneumonia. He has a cold. What a pathetic attention-seeking twit he is. I'd be so upset by his lack of care for him and his selfishness.

Get well soon.

Simplynotsimple · 12/02/2025 18:57

Soupshenanigans · 12/02/2025 18:46

I’m not trying to make it a competition at all. It’s just that when I’m ill I just suck it up as I still have children to feed, get to nursery etc. But the same doesn’t seem to be applied to me.

Are they not also his children? Does he never suck anything up and do his bit? Don’t be a martyr, if you’re still able to manage the house tasks when being this poorly, he can be told to suck up his cold and pull his weight. I’m glad I’m single now, I couldn’t be doing with a death rattle over just the thought of a cold coming. Actual colds and certainly what you have are a different matter.

Original poster
Soupshenanigans · 12/02/2025 19:03

Therealjudgejudy · 12/02/2025 18:47

Whats with all these pathetic men?

And why are you putting up with it??

I don’t know! He hasn’t always been like this. It’s got worse since DC.

OP posts:
Weddingbells6 · 12/02/2025 19:11

They are all disgusting. Well maybe 99% not all, I think it’s because if he’s not as poorly as you then he’ll have to do more work and he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t love anyone enough to do that. Sad but what I think is the truth.

HomeworkMonitor · 12/02/2025 19:15

OMG this was my ex DH. If I was ill when the DCs were young, he would suddenly be 'iller' and have to rest (usually on his laptop gaming)

That's why he's an ex. Selfish, inconsiderate prick

CoffeeFluff · 12/02/2025 19:39

Every single time I’m sick. Every time.

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 12/02/2025 19:43

Next time you have your period bloody milk it. See how he ups his game to that. Mil is as ridiculous...

MinnieMountain · 12/02/2025 19:45

Do you have a good friend or your parents nearby who you could stay with whilst you recover?

MaggieBsBoat · 12/02/2025 19:45

PinkPonyClub25 · 12/02/2025 18:40

I have pneumonia also at the moment seconded in with bad asthma attacks.
I was told last week by my GP that I ought to be in hospital with how bad my asthma is. I decided against it because I have two disabled dc and told DH that I'll still need to rest and not over do it.

Guess what? 3 hours later he was suddenly unwell, and has been in his dressing gown of doom for the past 4 days while muggings has to carry on doing the school runs, cooking etc while trying not to end up in a&e.

So you have greatest sympathises op.

WTAF. Go to hospital. If he can’t manage the kids then he is a useless bum. After all you are managing the kids! Jesus wept.

Katemax82 · 12/02/2025 19:46

My husband always does this, in fact if any of us get ill his immediate response is " great that means I'll be even more ill"

Cantstopthenoise · 12/02/2025 19:47

Was always like that with my ex, we would both get colds, flu, stomach upsets etc at the same time and I was the one who did everything and he took time off work and did very little. Even if something affected me worse than him I still cracked on. When I was a kid and my Mum was ill, my Dad did everything while my Mum stayed in bed - if only more men were like that!

MidnightPatrol · 12/02/2025 19:49

My DH does this.

I could say anything at all, and they’d announce they were suffering from the same affliction but slightly worse.

I hurt my knee recently during a sports match, and he said it was funny id mentioned it as his knee was hurting.

No idea what the psychology behind this is.

Adelstrop · 12/02/2025 19:52

’Develop’ a gynaecological problem, and see how he trumps that.

Original poster
Soupshenanigans · 12/02/2025 19:53

Adelstrop · 12/02/2025 19:52

’Develop’ a gynaecological problem, and see how he trumps that.

Well, the day after I came home from my csection, he thought he might have a UTI and spent ages complaining about that?

OP posts:
MalleusMaleficarumm · 12/02/2025 19:55

Definitely a man thing…my DH is a mildly competitive ill person. He still carries on with life as normal (absolutely doesn’t opt out of family life!) but my god does he whinge about how ill he is!

cruisetipz · 12/02/2025 20:07

Anyone remember the episode of friends when Ross and Rachel's nanny calls in sick? Ross asked what was wrong with her as his throat was feeling funny, Rachel said menstrual cramps 🤣