DH always has to be a little bit more ill

[Soupshenanigans]

Anyone else’s DP have to be ill at the same as them but worse?

I have pneumonia, and am talking a cocktail of antibiotics at home. My DD is teething and I think this has contributed to my illness as I was feeling ropey last week and had 6 nights in a row of barely any sleep.

Now DH has decided he feels awful with a cold. My MIL has been here today helping look after DS so I can rest up, but has actually spent a lot of the afternoon running around after DH fetching him drinks etc. I’ve ended up cooking and giving DD dinner and bath and will probably be up in the night as DH says he’s in need of a good sleep.

A pattern does seem to be developing that when I’m sick I carry on but when DH is he has to be worse so he can be waited on? Does this happen to anyone else?

My partner and I had food poisoning at the same time while he was on paternity leave. Luckily we had two toilets! Anyway, asked PILs if they could come over to help with the baby even for a couple of hours. They couldn't (surprise, surprise) but they gave me this pearl about their son. 'Do look after him, he always feels things more than anyone else.' And so he took that as meaning he was in bed and I was up with the baby and running to the loo. Great!

This reminds me of this old boots advert...

Pneumonia definitely trumps a cold!!!

No idea what the psychology behind this is.

I've read before (possibly on MN as this issue has come up a few times) that they panic, almost as if they can't cope with their domestic worker (wife) being out of action, because the implication is that they as your partner should step up and do some chores, look after you etc. so they invent something which means they don't have to take the reins.

They can't actually admit the truth - which is that they either don't want to bother, or are too lazy - because that makes them look bad. So this is their ready made excuse.

I'm so glad my partner is the type to try his best to act like hes not ill because he doesn't want to worry me bless him.
I'm having a full blood panel done as something is really not right with me and hes being super supportive and not mentioned even being tired despite me knowing he's not sleeping well. Couldn't cope with the type your husband is!

It’s one of the reasons I got divorced

I probably should have rephrased the topic to ask if men are just less resilient than women. I mean, when I was feeling so rotten on Sunday and had only have a few hours sleep due to teething DD, my immediate thoughts were that I should sort out DCs bags etc for the week so that then I could have a sit down for the rest of the day. DH has sat on the sofa this afternoon asking MIL to fetch him a tissue from the box 2m away from him.

Mind my own parents wouldn’t have indulged that behaviour so that probably plays a part too! My mum would have chucked the box at me 😀

I had a similar situation recently visiting my husband's family overseas. I was ill with fever and chills, but because we were on this special trip to see his family (very far away from where we live), I just got on with it - looking after two children & going to family parties etc but feeling like death. He got ill a few days later, complained a lot, and stayed in bed all day playing video games!! I was not impressed 😅

So I totally agree with you op! It's definitely socialization I think, because my DH was so much worse when his parents (mum) was around to indulge him. I hope you feel better soon!

We have a bit of this tbh. Dh is very vocal about his illness, and does seem to suffer for longer than me (yes I'm a bitch, occasionally I check his temp out of 'concern' but he usually is very low temp when I check), but maybe that's down to age? He has 8 years on me, and we seem to get a ridiculous number of d&v bugs since having 1 at primary and 1 at nursery...

BUT he pulls his weight when I'm literally incapable. I had anaphylaxis once pre kids, and he didn't woe is me, or complain about missing the foreign festival we'd gone to. He hasn't complained that we've bought me a new mattress because my back is killing me (I'm co sleeping with the nursery one) even though the current one is less than 1 year old. He complains more when he's ill, but he does his part.

So yes. Ime, men are less resilient and complain more, but mine would not be 'incapacitated' with a cold if I had pneumonia, he'd get on with things to the best of his ability, and that would be adequate.

This makes me really angry. What's wrong with these weak pathetic men and why does anyone put up with this?

This is clearly grounds for divorce and I'd be telling him so

My DH hasn't been ill for over 20 years. He doesn't even get colds! Me, on the other hand!

I swear my husband manifested his last illness. Left him looking after DS who had been sick (DH was in another room and I cleaned up said sick) and when I came home DH was in bed having been sick and wearing the dressing gown of doom 🫠🫠🫠

DS was feeling very helpful later that evening and helped me tidy up (although that was more likely to get out of going to bed)

This resonates. I trapped my finger in a door recently. It immediately swelled and went purple, and was painful enough that I thought I might have broken it (but didn't go in dramatic or wanting medical attention - decided to see how it was after it calmed down). Mentioned what had happened to DH when the swelling hadn't subsided half an hour later.
His immediate response was "how strange, my finger's hurting too" followed by a lengthy in-depth description of the terrible pain he was experiencing...while I stood there with my hand glowing and pulsating like something out of a looney tunes cartoon.

I would love to know the psychology behind it.