To take dd for an overnight break for her birthday, and leave dp and DS at home?

[Porcuine20]

Dd (teenager) has a birthday soon and doesn’t want any particular presents or a party. For ages though she’s been saying how much she’d like to stay in one of the tall hotels in London with city views (we’ve never stayed in anything posher than a travelodge), and go shopping in London just her and me. We’ve been to London a few times but always with her younger brother and they have quite different interests (he hates shopping unless it involves a toy shop, and every time it’s been really hard to keep them both happy). I’ve found a good deal on a hotel she’d love, for the evening of her birthday… when I ran the idea past dp (her dad) though he got pretty upset and said that we should all go as a family, and that it wasn’t fair to leave him and DS behind. His suggestion is we should book a family room in a cheaper hotel, go together and he’ll wait with DS while me and dd go shopping. It just wouldn’t be the same… DS is quickly bored and will just want to watch tv in the hotel room, whereas dd would want to enjoy the views, take photos, go out in the evening. DS had the option of a night away for his birthday, but wasn’t bothered and chose a party with his friends - I’d definitely be up for offering him the same if/when he is keen, or for dp to take him. I’d be more than happy for dp to take one of the kids away to do something that interests them, and have suggested it many times - he also travels for work quite often and stays in nice hotels by himself. All going away together is also tricky as we have an elderly, poorly pet who most boarding places won’t take and we don’t have family nearby. AIBU to want to treat dd to an amazing birthday trip doing exactly what she wants to do?

Why don't you encourage him and DS to do something they really like together. This is a bit like the thread on families who do everything together - I think that is often about one partner feeling over dependent on the other. Try to understand his point of view and make him feel heard but be clear that it's normal and healthy for everyone involved to do 1-1 things with kids. Plus it's her bday and her wish!

Think the problem here might be 2 rooms needed not one. Mum and DD can care but maybe not dad as well.

This. Why do you have to ‘work on him’ for her daughter to be allowed her birthday? Just do it?

Me and my dd went to London for 2 nights think she was about 15 we had a brilliant time , dp and ds stayed at home as like your son he wasn't interested in shopping , nice meals out , lots of walking . You shouldn't have to work on your dh or ask for permission, he can do something fun with his son that weekend.

Jesus Christ, what a twat. And a baby. I wouldn't be discussing this any further, book it, it's happening. And tell him not to dare pull 'sad face' when it's being discussed. I would find this kind of neediness and fuckwittery deeply unattractive. My mother always says that although my father didn't do much with us when we were children, he equally wouldn't have interfered or got in our business when he didn't know the ins and outs. And he certainly would have bowed to my mother's wisdom when it came to parenting teenage girls.

I have taken my teenage children away separately on a couple of occasions and it's been just brilliant and something they really appreciate, being treated as a person and not just a unit in a family. It helped re-set my occasionally tricky relationship with my daughter and we came back much closer - granted that was a full holiday rather than a weekend.