AIBU or my ex? Child maintenance

[MoneyWoe]

Me and my ex share our child equally, half the time each. He pays for some things, like our child’s weekly swimming sessions, I pay for others, like dinner money. So this part is equal but I would say I do most of the organising for things. Example, I will organise our child’s school trips like filling in the forms and he will give me half the money. This has worked but recently I have got fed up of having to message him asking for half of the money for things all the time, so I put in an application for child maintenance. I didn’t realise this at the time but he is on a very large salary and the money it says he owes is hundreds a month, way more than when he was just paying half of things. He is saying he is going to argue this with them as we share our child equally, and according to him, in these sorts of equal cases he doesn’t need to pay any maintenance. He said he will take it to court if he has to. He’s also said I might have to pay any money back if the child maintenance service agrees with him.

AIBU to expect him to pay the maintenance and is he correct in that he won’t need to pay any maintenance in our situation?

How in God's name is it greedy to expect to get what the CMS say

OP didn't mention any of that. She says she sometimes fills out the online forms for school trips.

She said she does most of the organising and used the school trip form as an example.

What she actually said was

I would say I do most of the organising for things. Example, I will organise our child’s school trips like filling in the form

If the other parent is providing a home for the child 50% of the time, supplying all the necessities for the child whilst they're in that home and also going halves on expenditures, why does OP need additional funds via the CMS?

I completely agree if the care isn't shared equally, that the other parent would pay CMS, but I honestly do not see why they should pay when the care is shared and expenditures are covered.

If the OP wants to lay better boundaries in the 'admin' they are willing to do, then great but expecting payment for it ... Which is what they have summed it up to be, is madness.

The “mental load” is exaggerated by a minority of people on here. I completely accept that it’s ignored by many so it’s right to bring it up but some people act like it’s a life changing amount of admin. It’s a whole different kettle of fish if a child has any additional health needs of course.
In this day and age, we get text or email reminders for the dentist and optician. If OP doesn’t want to do it, she can put ex’s details. If he doesn’t engage with it, then that is an issue. I wouldn’t consider annual dental and optician appointments as admin. It’s something I can quickly book online walking into the office. World book day should be done by whoever has the child. Like many busy working parents, we order online or make do with whatever is at home.
OP didn’t say the ex never does that stuff either. She should push back onto him to do his share but equally, it isn’t some mammoth task for most people.

You cannot use the online CMS calculator for 50:50.

The box you've ticked for number of nights says 3+ but this doesn't mean 50:50, it means greater than 3 nights a week (156 nights per year) but less than 50:50 (182 nights per year)

If it's 50:50 the calculator doesn't apply and the presumption is there is no maintenance payable, unless your ex is on a very very high salary, much higher than £110k

So why has CMS decided that he must pay £400?

I'm actually cringing reading this, why would you want to disrupt a successful coparenting arrangement to try and get money you know you don't deserve since he has your child as much as you?? Just because you know he earns more? And you're on 65k, a massively good wage!!!

Just because you fill in forms on your weeks? 🫤

But then you will have to pay for everything out of the CMS which will give you more jobs to do, and you claimed the reason you wanted the money was because you were sick of doing more than half the jobs.

The child maintenance service has accepted he needs to pay with equal overnights and it’s being taken from wages, so why would they reverse this decision? And would he be within his rights to go to court?

Also, how are they already taking this from his wages if you've only just applied for it? The paying parent has to default multiple times before the CMS will move to direct payments straight from his wages

I worked it out myself, ticking the correct box (half the time/175-182 nights per year) and sure enough it does say £400ish a month is owed on his income (can't remember the exact figure).

But OP's ex could also file a maintenance claim against her and receive half of that back.

I wonder why the calculator doesn't give you an option to put your own income in, because that would give the correct calculation in 50/50 circumstances.

So why has CMS decided that he must pay £400?

I suspect because OP has applied online, ticked the 3+ box erroneously, and hasn't mentioned that they have an exactly equal number of nights per year

I would save all the CM that you get OP, because you may find yourself having to pay it all back...

And CMS have decided to deduct it from his wages so quickly?

OP, if you claim maintenance, then that would be his total financial contribution to the raising of your child, other than the costs incurred on his time.

No paying half of anything, not uniform, not hobbies, not extra tuition, not school trips, not dinner money, not big purchases like bikes or computers for school work

He could even ask you to pack a set of clothes to bring to his and send you back the dirty ones

Is this really worth it for £200 a month? Not sure how old your child is, but they get considerably more expensive on the above as they get older and the maintenance won't go up to reflect this

And CMS have decided to deduct it from his wages so quickly?

Well, quite. In my experience of a non paying ex the process for direct payments straight took months, and I had to prove he'd consistently failed to pay

He’s right to go to court. The rule about 50/50 doesn’t have a caveat about one parent doing slightly more admin than the other and deserving hundreds of extra pounds a month for sorting out their own child. You are being greedy. You’re on a decent wage so it’s not like the child has one parent living in luxury while the other is in squalor.

Are you actually reading any replies? It's been explained very clearly.

It does
If he appeals you have to complete a detailed description or the parental duties you undertake

Why do people insist they know something that isn't true

No he can’t, it doesn’t work like that. It’s just not a possibility. Maintenance is not payable from both parents of the same child. Only from one, usually to the one who has the higher care needs. And from the one who has the higher income. Whoever that might be.

https://nealeturk.co.uk/does-equal-care-mean-no-child-maintenance/

I wouldn't bother with solicitors who publish advice that directly contradicts the .gov website.

Your type of care doesn’t count when it comes to maintenance. It’s based on nights spent with each parent

It doesn’t though, I have lived experience. So do many others. It is fact that if there is a large disparity in earning maintenance is likely to be due. This will go to the parent who claims the child benefit, and who has the most caring responsibilities. CMS themselves will tell you this.

You have to call them to get this information, it’s not readily available. CMS is on a case by case basis and they will investigate and assess each one accordingly. It’s not always the one size fits all approach that people think.

OP said she does the forms but also said if child gets forms home on his week ex does the forms...

I don't think there is an entitlement here so seems pretty ridiculous to quibble over doing slightly more forms for school trips when everything else is equal.

It sounds like you have 50:50 shared care to me which means 0 entitlement.

It's not, though... CMS is based on the non resident parent paying the resident parent, in 50:50 shared care this isn't applicable.