To not want to be out all the time?

[skintt]

My 4 year old just can’t be in the house it seems. This has been a problem since forever and I’ve probably contributed to it because I’ve gone alone with it but I’m fed up now. He’s been at preschool 9-3, come back and he just gets bored and starts acting like a complete dick for want of a better turn of phrase. AIBU here?

Is he over-tired?

No, sleeps really well in fairness.

What does he like doing?

How about an art box full of coloured paper, crayons etc, cbbc magazine with activities, lego gets attention, building a train track, garage for cars, making some bread that needs kneading.

And what is a complete dick like? Sensory seeking, over excited, hardly listening, throwing stuff, making noise?

What do you normally do at home with him?

I personally always took ds to the park after to run off a bunch of energy before heading home.

What do you do at home right after school?

He really isn’t into stuff like that at all, he’d just throw it around.

what do you usually do at home with him Not much because he’s not home much. Mostly an endless round of getting him to stop climbing and generally being irritating TBH.

Pretty much @Rawnotblended and winding siblings up which is the most frustrating.

Ahh <nodding sagely>

Read “The Explosive Child.” It sounds like he’s been holding it together all day and then explodes when he comes home. It’s a common neurodivergent thing - the analogy is a bottle of pop being shook all day at intervals and then you finally get home and take off the lid and whooooosh! Massive dickery.

I’ve read that as I kept seeing it recommended on here and I honestly can’t relate at all. I must be describing things badly because that book isn’t anything like what I deal with. It’s mostly ‘silliness’ but it’s very hard to get him to listen to anything I say and I end up cross and he ends up upset or annoyed as well.

what do you usually do at home with him Not much because he’s not home much. Mostly an endless round of getting him to stop climbing and generally being irritating TBH.

It sounds like you just need to structure the afternoon a bit. He’s probably bored with a whole afternoon just left to his own devices if you aren’t really doing anything with him.

It’s three hours, though, not a whole afternoon - I would agree an entire afternoon would be a lot but this afternoons been hard work. In fairness he’s better than he was once but it’s the winding up of his siblings that’s most frustrating.

Its much easier to parent out of the house! The house stays clean and tidy and the child is entertained. In the summer, I pack up dinner (sometimes its a shepherd's pie) and eat that in the park. Then home bath and bed. Toss up which win you want more that day.

Do you have a garden? Could you utilise that area for him?

Yes … in the interim it is a damp cold February!

But in any event that’s how I used to be but honestly I didn’t enjoy it and neither do the other kids. Neither does DS. That’s the odd thing; it’s as if he needs down time but isn’t always very good at it!

My son used to be like that he is now 6 and a doddle. It gets easier. Get things like jig saws get hom stuff for in the bath like bath paints things like that to keep him busy you have to basically entertain them but it does get easier.

What about a club after school? Karate or parkour or something? Maybe swim once a week after school?

Does he have any toys which satisfy the physical need? A climbing frame or swing (if you have the space and £)? We had a cheap Decathlon hammock nailed up in our back yard each spring and summer and dd (also physical) would go and swing in it for a good 30/40mins after school every day.

What does he dovthat you don't like? What's the actual behaviour?

Three hours is ages for a 4yo though.

He needs structure and something to occupy him in that time - otherwise it's not really surprising that he's being a bit of a pain, tbh.

I never took my DC straight home from primary school.

Always either:
The park
The woods
The beach
The library
Swimming
Various clubs ( karate, dance football)
Riding
Roller skating

Just a high energy child he is 20 now and plays 3 sports for his University.

Get a mini indoor trampoline?

Maybe Forest School is more suitsble place for him. If he is trapped indoors at school and not having much outdoor time I can imagine once he gets home he wants to play. Can he go in the backgarden?

It is a forest school in fact but it is preschool, not ‘actual’ school.

I have been pretty grumpy this afternoon. He has a trampoline and most things in fact! But I do think he sometimes can be annoying, I suppose most four year olds can, but it can be a bit headache inducing after a long day!

Have you tried wine for yourself? That should help

But in all seriousness

-bath as soon as he comes home from forest school as may get him into the relaxing mood for the evening and help him chill out is he's already grumpy

• play room/play corner

-get rid of some toys and get a few new ones

• get him into helping you cook/clean

• sensory swing/tent/lights

• let him on the iPad if your really struggling

Thanks … wine would be good but would probably send me to sleep! I think it’s me more than him really, I wasn’t as engaged or attentive to him as normal as I just feel a bit tired and run down and he responded to that by being silly and annoying. I’ve apologised to him We can have a better day tomorrow