Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp problems, don’t know how to solve?

57 replies

Daytimedreamerz · 11/02/2025 08:31

Dp and I been together for 4 years but just moved in last year.
Since moving in it seems there’s been a few times he’s made a comment on something I’ve done and then made a joke about said thing which has made me feel guilty
An example would be if I fancied a drink - he’s not a big drinker and neither am I - (maybe 3 glasses of wine every 2 weeks, a night out every 2-3 months) but he will say things like he has to get used to being with someone who drinks so much etc so I now feel guilty and feel like I should drink less.
After saying to him this is how he’s made me feel, he has said now he is going to have to police his language around me now which isn’t what I want at all.
I don’t know what to do here any advice?

OP posts:
Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 14:23

No one is abusing or gas lighting anyone in this situation

it’s a shit relationship and on its last legs hence scenarios such as this

Eyesopenwideawake · 11/02/2025 16:06

Daytimedreamerz · 11/02/2025 08:31

Dp and I been together for 4 years but just moved in last year.
Since moving in it seems there’s been a few times he’s made a comment on something I’ve done and then made a joke about said thing which has made me feel guilty
An example would be if I fancied a drink - he’s not a big drinker and neither am I - (maybe 3 glasses of wine every 2 weeks, a night out every 2-3 months) but he will say things like he has to get used to being with someone who drinks so much etc so I now feel guilty and feel like I should drink less.
After saying to him this is how he’s made me feel, he has said now he is going to have to police his language around me now which isn’t what I want at all.
I don’t know what to do here any advice?

Just re-reading this and I would either;

  1. Say yes, dear, you'd better. Run along and get me a glass of wine.
  2. Or, I'm surprised your previous girlfriends didn't drink more than I do...

Unless you're pouring vodka on your cornflakes, never apologies for enjoying a drink.

He's a twat.

OctoberandApril · 11/02/2025 16:18

Catza · 11/02/2025 09:11

Only you know your partner well enough to say whether it was a joke or undermining dressed as a joke.
But in either case it is worth remembering that your feelings are entirely within your control. If you don't think you drink excessively, then I don't see where the feeling of guilt comes from. If you do think you cut cut back, then do that.

How have you got from the OP that she may need to cut back?

OctoberandApril · 11/02/2025 16:27

He does sound controlling. When I was young my first boyfriend was very controlling and I would never put up with it again.

Biffbaff · 11/02/2025 18:13

UpMyself · 11/02/2025 14:21

He isn't gaslighting her.

Show quote history

Insulting her and then pretending it was a joke is a form of gaslighting.

UpMyself · 11/02/2025 18:38

@Biffbaff , Insulting her and then pretending it was a joke is a form of gaslighting. It isn't. Gaslighting is when you manipulate someone to question their perception of reality, and he's not been doing that.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 11/02/2025 21:02

UpMyself · 11/02/2025 18:38

@Biffbaff , Insulting her and then pretending it was a joke is a form of gaslighting. It isn't. Gaslighting is when you manipulate someone to question their perception of reality, and he's not been doing that.

She is questioning her reality. She's questioning whether he is being controlling or whether she is just over sensitive.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page