To think school can be damaging for some children

[AliceAbsolum]

I'm looking into schools for DD. I thought I'd be interested in SATs results, but actually we are leaning towards the more relaxed/forest schooly (whatever the fuck that means) no or very little homework style.
I think especially in the 4-11 age group, and with the current mental health crisis with young people, I'm just scared school will be yet another aspect of toxic modern life that will damage her.

If you have wanted to homeschool but cant, or have similar worries, what kind of state primary school would you consider for your DC?

Schools are definitely damaging..both my daughters were damaged and had MH problems... l took them out age 13 and HE.

Grandsons went to primary but we took them out all home Ed .
All ASD.. MH comes before schools.High
Schools are worse than army camps

God, how I hated school. Secondary school, to be more precise. Being bullied. Being in agony with period cramps and bleeding through in crippling embarrassment. Not being able to use the toilet without having to beg the bone idle harridan at reception for the key. I just wanted to be at home cooking, reading, writing, sewing, gardening and learning about things that interested me. I really resented the time slow boring school took away from my learning new things. I love studying history but found history lessons at school dull and uninformative.

School left me with a lifelong hatred and distrust of authority.

I don't think some are cut out for school. Also, I think it's often the more intelligent that struggle with it the most.

School can be damaging for some kids. Home Ed can be damaging for some kids.

I firmly believe there’s a right fit for every child but not all parents can find it or access it, and some just don’t really care.

OP, you sound like a very caring and involved parent. Your DD might absolutely adore school and you will have nothing to worry about. If she doesn’t then you will think hard about what needs to be changed and work for it. In my group of friends quite a few of the children have changed schools when a setting has turned out to be the wrong place - the school I work at has quite a few kids join from other more troubled schools - it’s also ok to get things wrong and then fix them.

I very much agree, and equally concerning is the 'one size fits all' approach that the present government is attempting to capitalise on with the Children's Wellbeing Bill, by essentially giving local authorities the power to deny parents the basic right to withdraw some SEN children from school, along with those known to have any history of SS involvement.

We picked a primary that had a really established forest school and animals, sadly with budget cuts our year 6 child is able to access it once a month and our year 1 child accesses it about once a fortnight.
interestingly our eldest struggled at primary and is flourishing at secondary due to contact with a wider group of students so able to find their group of friends and the rules and structure suits them better then the less structure of a primary school.
I have relatives who primary aged children attend private school and they are able to access so much more ie regular swimming, horse riding and sporting events.
All primary’s especially at reception learn through play so there are lots of free flow activities etc all you can do is visit your catchment ones and see which one has a good feel, but resources that are available right now may not be as available in future years due to budgets/staffing so I wouldn’t pick a school based on one particular aspect, rather a general all round feel.
I have a friend who homeschools and does a mixture of forest schools etc but she has the time, knowledge etc to make it work.

I wouldn't recommend homeschool for primary kids unless SEN who really can't manage mainstream schooling, it's important to social development.
I teach extra-curricular classes and have had a number of homeschooled kids and though they were all lovely polite kids. They all struggled with their peers somewhat, some more than other. One was constantly calling the other kids mean over any hint of teasing and whenever they didn't get the response they wanted.

My kids primary is pretty fab. Very little homework except reading, and maths apps. And the homework some years do have, is half-termly, so not heavy. Forest school in reception. Son is suspected ADHD and his teachers have been great with him, firm but kind, with adjustments where they can.
It's NOT an academy. I would avoid academies if possible in your area (harder these days) as results= bonuses, causing them the focus to be on whatever the latest government tick box is, e.g attendance. We get messages telling us NOT to bring them in when poorly unlike many schools these days.

This is the situation in a nutshell, my own dd included. 😥

I can't believe anyone could suggest school is never damaging!! What idyllic little rock do they live under?!

YANBU OP. I loved my primary school back in the day but absolutely hated secondary, lost all my confidence and bullying was a problem but not as out of control as it is nowadays. And there weren't any stabbings!!!

For that reason and a multitude of others, we home educated our DC from birth and then they decided to do A levels at sixth form.

They have thrived. The freedom in childhood that Home Education afforded them is absolutely unparalleled. We have so many wonderful memories of all the entirely child led learning and life we shared.

Socially and educationally they have blossomed. No forced rote learning, no forced anything. They have gone into sixth form, eldest predicted 3A*s and have just had absolutely glowing reports off their teachers. Self disciplined, motivated, organised, polite, kind and social were some of their words.

I have no doubt whatever that NOT going to school was 100% the right decision for my two neuro typical children and one ND child and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Many things about school are a total waste of time and highly damaging. Many things are great of course too. Go with the best for each child, that's sometimes different even within different children in the same family.

Oumsicle · Yesterday 17:09

I can't believe anyone could suggest school is never damaging!! What idyllic little rock do they live under?!

Nobody is saying school is never damaging, or that everyone is damaged by it as you are implying.

Have you come across the term 'sweeping generalisation'?

Anything compared to the screen/social media / gaming etc is going to seem extremely dull and limiting esp as the screen is literally reshaping their brain and ability to focus. I would understand that school setting is not great in primary since young kids are still trying to control their bodies which are more eager to move than sit behind a desk. But at secondary i would assume older children have learnt to regulate and are able to sit and focus for longer! homework is supposed to be independent work that keep the flow and not a source of stress!

I agree. There's too much focus on academics these days rather than a good enough education and well rounded children with other skills that can be learnt and actually utilised in later life.

Some children will be fine. Others won't be.

How old are they?

Most people don't realise how badly they've been brought up until they reach adulthood and/or have children of their own.