To tell friend not to drive 4 yr old without car seat?

[Tropicalturnip]

My friend is doing me a huge favour by having my 2 DC (2 and 4) for the day in a couple of weeks, they plan to go out to an activity a car drive away.

Friend is looking after them with her partner along with their own young DC1, so they would need 3 car seats, which don't all fit in one car.
Friend told me she intends to sit my eldest in the middle with a seat belt, as it's legal to do so after she's checked the gov website etc.
(This is correct, which astounds me!)

This is just a one off journey but it's about half an hour there and half an hour back. I know children can go in taxis without a car seat - but they have 2 cars and if they drove separately they could have them all in a proper car seat.

AIBU to say I'd rather them go in 2 cars and obviously give them some money for petrol etc but I'd rather my DC be safe? Or am I being precious as it's just a one off and it's perfectly fine in a taxi etc?

Edited to add my eldest child is quite tall for their age if that makes a difference!

I'm really confused why you think it's legal to travel in a domestic car without a car seat? I just looked it up and can't see where it says that? Especially at 4 they need a car seat to be safe.

It's an exception for when you can't fit three car seats across the back of your car. The oldest child is allowed to travel in the middle seat without a booster as long as they are over 3.

I wouldn't do it. The danger of your 4yo "submarining" under the belt - even a booster - is potentially lethal. "Oh but lots of things are dangerous" - sure, but I don't let my kid run across the road without looking cos they'll probably not get hit. One unsafe driver is all it takes for your kid to end up in A&E or worse.

That's madness! The seatbelt wouldn't be in the right place on their body.

The risk of submarining with a properly fitted booster is low. There are other very good reasons to prefer high back booster or other kinds of restraint for a 4yo, but submarining isn't one of them.

It's definitely not unreasonable to say you feel uncomfortable, I'd be uncomfortable with a 4 yr old without a booster at least. However, i think it's also unreasonable to ask them to take 2 cars because they're doing you a favour as it is. I'd suggest talking to them, saying you're uncomfortable without a car seat and discussing some options (only 1 adult goes with them and then child can go in the front, a slim booster to go in the middle etc etc) and if none of that works then it's their choice to wither take 2 cars or not go.... It's definitely OK to say it's not safe, I've only just started doing middle seat no booster and I've got a 7 yr old and a 9 yr old.

No way, I wouldn't let my 4yo go anywhere unless in a safe, rear-facing seat. We've had 2 emergencies when she had to travel without a seat in a taxi, but never if it could be prevented. I wouldn't ask them to take a separate car, I'd just say that you're not comfortable with her not in a seat and find alternative childcare.

Car seats protect their pelvis in the event of a sudden stop too as kids bones are as strong as adults hence them needing the seat for a lot longer. My nearly 4 year old is still rearward facing due to the internal decapitation aspect so no way she’s be forward facing without a seat if I can help it.

The rule of age or height really should be age related or height whichever is the latter in my opinion, it’s currently whichever comes sooner but a really tall 8 year old still doesn’t have the bone density of a very short 12 year old.

I get they are doing you a favour but I also think it puts your child at risk and I wouldn’t be happy to say ‘that’s fine’ personally. At the very least I’d look for a slimline booster seat. Also it’s not the comfortable thing but we’ve had my husband squeeze in the back between two car seats then the third seat can go in the front.

Oh calm down! If it was so unsafe it wouldn’t be legal!

Like cigarettes?

Why can't they all fit in the car? Put 1 child in the front seat, 2 in the back with the other adult

You really think that the bare minimum standards set by the government many, many years ago based on very scant understanding of safety are sufficient to keep your child safe?

You know it's legal to give a child alcohol from the age of 5?
Or that you can homeschool your child without telling anyone about it, and the local authority may or may not ever check up on their education?
Or that there is no legal restrictions on when you can leave your child home alone?
Or cot bumpers?
Or handing your child over to a random babysitter you found on facebook?

If you think because it's legal, it must be safe, then I would strongly recommend you brush up on your parenting knowledge before spending any time looking after young children.