AIBU to be upset at mother in law for saying i put DH under too much pressure?

[Ideas22]

Firstly mother in law is great we have never had any issues in the last 10 years. DH has been very stressed and hasn’t been enjoying his job lately. He has a history of seizures periodically throughout his life since he was a child. He has had a couple in the last few months after not having any for many years so its been stressful all round and we have young kids. The aibu comes when talking of holidays i say i was telling dh that we need to take kids on holidays and we need to give them more memories while they are young and I don’t want them to be the only ones not doing anything during the holidays as they will be left out at school if friends are talking about stuff they did. Mother in law then says i put dh under a lot of pressure. Am really upset by this as it felt like she was saying i am the cause of his stress therefore the seizures. Aibu to feel this way? By the way this isnt true at all instead am the one who has supported him throughout this and he has consistently said to me that he is so happy at home and loves how supportive i have been. But now i think his family are blaming me for his illness and they think am the cause of the stress. She also said if I wanted to take kids out i should do it by myself and leave dh but thats not a solution to me why cant we do stuff as a family.

Am I the only one who thinks it's absolutely ridiculous that this grown man's mother is fighting his battles in his marriage. Why is he allowing his mother to do this in the first place and not saying, "mom please don't criticize my wife in this manner how we handle our marital business is the our business and no one else's." You don't have a MIL problem you have a DH problem who allows his mother to butt into your personal affairs which is your marriage and save in to protect her baby boy who needs protecting from his evil wife. It's a tale as old of time DIL is evil while the precious baby boy needs saving from her.

All these posts about men who run to their mothers instead of going to their wives about problems and hiding behind their mother to fight their battles with their wife because they need their mothers to be their voice I am reading lately of man child momma's boys is sickening. Maybe my tolerance of what I will and won't accept in an in law relationship/marriage I have a very low tolerance for because this would absolutely not fly in my marriage. I would most certainly be telling DH he needs to have a serious discussion like yesterday about boundaries with his mother,

@OneGreenTraybake The OP was the person who told her MIL about making memories/going on holiday, not her DH. He hasn’t said a word!

The conversation was just a general chat between me and her and SIL where i just mentioned to them that i had said that to him

I agree that in general, however, it’s best for PIL to keep their noses out of their adult children’s plans. If the MIL doesn’t normally interfere though, I’d give her a pass on this occasion given that she’s worried about the sudden return of her son’s seizures.

If she’s wrong about what causes them and more activities/going away won’t make any difference, her son can correct her.

Ohh that was my bad. I didn't read all of the subsequent posts. Yes she could definitely be worried about her son and that's completely understandable. However you can be concerned about your son's health issues without once mentioning their marriage and getting involved in that aspect of his life.

I think it's smart like you said to give her a pass this one time but if it keeps happening since in laws shouldn't be involved heavily in the details or running of their child's marriage DH needs to step out and put that boundary in place saying he will not engage in any conversation with his mother where his wife is blamed talked bad about.

The way you approached this conversation, effectively guilt-tripping him into holidays, isn’t a great way to help him manage his stress levels. It’s adding financial pressure, time pressure, peer pressure, the feeling of not being a good enough father or provider. Yikes!

I agree with this. I also think that holidays as a family are important, actually. If funds are tight, I can see that they need to be de-prioritised over essentials like food and housing, but if they aren't, then holidays are amazing. I know that the phrase 'making memories' is a bit trite, but actually some of my most important memories are of being on family hoildays, so I voted that OP is not BU.