Struggling with new confrontational manager

[spanieleyes22]

So I have a new manager and am finding it very hard to get on with her. It's a brand new job for me everything is new and she is always saying to me "just put questions in the teams chat" but when I do she is very confrontational and always replies like I should have known xyz . That she looked at this document etc when I've already looked and read the documents she talks about and still have a question . Maybe it's me but she makes me feel like crap all the time. I'd say it's her own insecurity as she is quite young and has no experience of managing. Just got told I should have looked at xyz and done xyz when I put a question up this morn. I'll have to think of a different strategy I think.

I don't think I'll put any more questions in the chat. Maybe she wants to look knowledgeable in front of the team. Think I'll just pm other people maybe

What sort of questions are you asking?

“Do X, you should have read about it in Y material.” Doesn’t sound confrontational to me if you were supposed to have read Y and the question is along the lines of “I got stuck on A and am unsure if I should do X or Y.” Just matter of fact. She isn’t hand holding but it isn’t confrontational.

Hmmm...I don't know, OP. As the above poster wrote, it depends what you're asking and whether you should have been able to find the answer yourself (e.g. if it's in a document you have access to).

Maybe I need to write longer questions. I only ask when I'm stuck id say I've asked maybe 3 questions in the chat since I started 7 weeks ago. I try to find the answer for ages but have been given incorrect information from other team members and don't want to mention that so when I am really stuck I ask. She is so encouraging at meetings saying don't forget to put all your questions in the chat. Anyway yeh will probably just stop asking her

I've always done all the things she suggests. I think maybe she's not sure of the answer to my specific query so tries to push it back to it being my fault that I don't know

So then say "I've got stuck on X and not sure whether to A or B or something else. I've read the policy manual and watched the troubleshooting video but they don't seem to cover the scenario when Y and Z are conflicting. "

Or whatever.

Yeh I need to be more descriptive in my questions. Or ask someone else I think.

Just had a teams meeting and manager said did anyone have any questions and I asked one and she just shut me down. Feel like crying tbh. I'm so at sea in this job I hate it. Every day I try and try and don't seem to be getting anywhere. Am so fed up.

What sort of questions are you asking? What is she actually saying?

Could it be a communication issue? You call her confrontational but your description of her responses, while very brief, do not suggest confrontation. You have been asked several times for more detail but don’t give it. If (and I do get that it may well not be) your communication with your manager is equally fuzzy, that may be the problem.

Why are people resorting to chat if they don't know how to do something?

Does nobody speak to anyone any more? An actual conversation is usually a far more effective way of teaching osmeone how to do something they are unsure about.

"Hi [manager], can I clarify a point around [topic]? My understanding from [manual] and talking to Susan and Bob is XYZ, can you confirm or is there additional context I should know?"

I used to work with a person who would 'just ask questions', when in reality she was inappropriately challenging long established rules and processes when she had no right to. This isn't what you're doing is it?

Have you had a formal induction when you joined the company?

Have you done any training you might new to get used to new IT/admin system?

Did you get a proper handover from the previous person in the role?

Has your manager set up regular one to one meetings where you can discuss how you are settling in the job, set KPIs/targets and so on?

If your manager has not done any of the above, then she is not doing her job correctly.

Ask for a meeting with her and make it clear you need to go through the issues you are having and how they can be resolved.

Genius!

No handover - there has been a brutal restructure and people moved around against their will and against common sense imo. 2 women used to do my role well part of my role and were moved and left no notes or files or anything. It was acrimonious is what I can gather . They had been in the role for years and years. I have reached out to both since I started but they have given very short answers to my queries. I think they are pissed off.

No training given. Just dropped in the deep end.

I posted before about this manager. At the beginning she was over friendly and I found her quite condescending - maybe this is my problem - but she was sending me lots of sickly sweet messages saying she had faith in me that I could overcome the challenges of starting in this role and offering her support and saying put your questions in the chat. Promised 1-1 meetings but nothing has materialized except a meeting last week where there were 3 managers and me. They had a go at me basically.

No I honestly don't care I just want to know what to do

I know I would love to sit down with her and work some things out but I don't know if she is scared as she doesn't know what she is doing or if she's busy. She has got a lot on her plate.

Maybe it’s because there isn’t a clear cut answer, it’s a bit of a grey area / judgement call. So you need to read the guidance and then use your brain to figure out what to do. You asking her certain questions is like asking her to do your job for you. Your job is to think about it and make a call. Maybe you’ll make mistakes or not do things perfectly at first, but in time you will be the expert that she can rely on to get the job done.

Or you could say is there anyone in the company who would be able to answer thisif you can't . That would make her look a bit daft. Which she is IMHO.

She sounds like a shit manager.

Yeh ok I'm starting to get that. It's irritating though as she is on a lot more money and considering I've made a sideways move that would be a lot more than my other role. Which is ok I suppose. I'm just not inclined to work my ass off for her

Do you have any regular 1-2-1 meeting with her at all? What is your company policy on supervision / performance / appraisal?

What sort of industry is it? What would happen if you just worked ahead without getting an answer or is that not possible?

OP, I'm afraid that if your posts on here are anything to go by, your questions may be very vague and a bit irritating.

If the Team Chat is open, can you ask someone you trust who has seen your questions and her answers to give you some advice?

She said there would be 1-1 meetings but nothing so far. Maybe it's just me being a PITA. Probably I need to stop asking her anything and try and ask someone else . I haven't asked anything since Friday anyway just keeping my head down. Am scared that she will say why haven't you done xyz though .and if I say I don't know she will say well you should have asked questions in the chat if you don't know. It's tricky. Though as others say it's probably all my fault anyway so

OP < i'm going to be quite tough with you here.

This post, if it's anything like you behave at work, is sending up huge red flags for me.

So - 1-1 meetings that haven't been scehduled. Annoying, I understand. Why don't you be proactive and ask for one and schedule it?

Maybe it's just me being a PITA.
Probably I need to stop asking her anything and try and ask someone else. Though as others say it's probably all my fault anyway

These are all very classic "I'm the victim, even though I've done nothing to try solve the problem" statements and can be extraordinarily frustrating to deal with. Try turning it around:
"I think maybe I'v ebeen frustrating her. I'm going to ask a colleague for their help on this specific issue / ask a colleague for advice on how best to approach my manager and take ownership of the challenge."

I haven't asked anything since Friday anyway just keeping my head down. Am scared that she will say why haven't you done xyz though. and if I say I don't know she will say well you should have asked questions in the chat if you don't know.

which you should have. Or perhaps you should have known the answers. I don't know, what about in that 1-1 asking her if the questions you're asking are the problem and if she has preferences on how/when you do ask?