Struggling with new confrontational manager

[spanieleyes22]

So I have a new manager and am finding it very hard to get on with her. It's a brand new job for me everything is new and she is always saying to me "just put questions in the teams chat" but when I do she is very confrontational and always replies like I should have known xyz . That she looked at this document etc when I've already looked and read the documents she talks about and still have a question . Maybe it's me but she makes me feel like crap all the time. I'd say it's her own insecurity as she is quite young and has no experience of managing. Just got told I should have looked at xyz and done xyz when I put a question up this morn. I'll have to think of a different strategy I think.

Yeh ok points taken. It's hard to explain everything here. I'm irritated with her and she's probably irritated with me too. I'll try and do better. I just hate a lot of managers I think. I wonder what they are being paid all this money for. She just takes zero responsibility despite saying all the time "just put your questions in the chat" .

Does she answer the questions in the chat? even f you don't like how she does it?

She always says look here or look there which I have already done or she gives and answer that's a non answer at which point I give up and try and ask someone else who usually doesn't know. I'm realizing that because there wasn't a handover nobody knows what's going on. I feel like she should have been proactive as she was in post for weeks before I started. Not sure what she was doing in those weeks!

If I try and be proactive like setting up meetings with people she gets very defensive and says she was meaning to do that . Ah hopefully things will get better at least for me.

Is this perhaps a management style that isn't landing? I've had "coaching training" from my work and a lot of the focus is about putting the onus back on the other person to find the answer. 'Coaching' them towards the correct literature or area where they might find the answer. This way, the question-asker gets the "win" of succeeding and the manager gets to think they somehow helped.

I think it can be beneficial at times but 100% not with a new start, who actually needs help to build the foundations of training before they develop further skills.

Yeh I guess. She winds me up in person I think she's insecure in front to the team so she shuts me down . I tried to ask something at the meeting on Tuesday but she shut me down so fast. Probably it's me I'm too sensitive . Maybe I dunno. I'm trying to ignore her now as much as possible. I only respond to her inquiries I don't initiate any I try to find out from someone else

So my suggestion is to have a conversation with her. You aren’t on the same page and it will only escalate. Address it nicely and calmly in a 1-1 situation over coffee say. You aren’t communicating the way she wants to likes so stop doing it and address it head on.

You say she’s immature but you are basing that on her age which isn’t right or fair.

Your feelings may be leaking and she sees that.

It’s your responsibility to do your part and make things better.

Is there anyone else you could speak to about it?
If you are new to the job, have they provided training?
Its really not fair if the culture is that you can ask questions, but only publically in front of everyone in a group chat.
If you are made to feel stupid whenever you ask for help or clarification, that doesnt sound like a good place to work.

Bet she didn't know the answer herself and was embarrassed to say so in front of others.
She should be helping you out- being new in a role is difficult.