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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not responding to every snap of my friends baby girl?

34 replies

lalabugirl · 10/02/2025 08:50

since the day my good friend got her first litte girl i swear, ive been recieving snapchats almost daily, about milestones and baby just doing baby stuff. baby is 1 years old. Im done with comments, I have myself a daughter who is 6 years, but i have never spammed my friends with pictures or videos of her unless it was her grandparents that wanted updates. I do know myself even how much i love my own child i understand that she is not that interesting and special to everyone else besides me and her dad n family. And i honestly feel the same about other peoples child and babies, but sometimes some mums forget about that. I mean yea sure a picture or video once a while is nice. But it have reached the point where i stopped replying to baby milestones and stuff and when her child get the flu and is sick. She sends snaps about that to.

«Like yea your kid will get sick looots of time once they start in kindergarten its not that uncommon» i think to myself. I think i miss when her snaps wans’t just 99% focused on her baby. Or when she sends me a snap and then i don’t reply and then she send them on snap messages. Feels a bit overwhelming to me. Like she wants my attention trough her baby? I may be wrong, but even tough her LO is lovley i don’t want our frinedship to be based on her child. Since im a mom myself i do try to be understanding but as said, even as a mom i get tired of baby talk and daily updates and videos/pictures. Maybe because myself never over talked about my baby to my friends, then i can’t really relate besides having a child to. This may have camed a bit blunt out..

btw im from norway so my english is not the best

OP posts:
PaintDecisions · 10/02/2025 08:54

My mate blocked me on Facebook because I didn't like her DD's photos enough. She was spending thousands on designer outfits (no idea how she paid for them, she was on about £25k and her husband the same) and doing costume changes and photo shoots umpteen times a day... I muted her when kiddo was about 3mth old and she lost her shit with me about another 3mth later.

Some people just can't understand why we aren't obsessed with their child. And that's their problem.

lnks · 10/02/2025 08:56

Is she lonely or isolated, or does she have a partner?

hattie43 · 10/02/2025 09:02

Tedious , nothing more dull than someone else's child although clearly it's not polite to say so

lalabugirl · 10/02/2025 09:04

@PaintDecisions she sounds overdramatic much omg.. i feel like sooner or later i may even hear the same from my friend.

@lnks she has a partner and other friends with baby

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 10/02/2025 09:08

hattie43 · 10/02/2025 09:02

Tedious , nothing more dull than someone else's child although clearly it's not polite to say so

I completely agree. Even if your child is an absolute legend, nobody else cares as much as you 🤣

Notgivenuphope · 10/02/2025 09:10

I’d have to tell her. It’s not fair to let her go on and on and you get gradually so (rightfully) pissed off you don’t want to be around her.

Big yawn and right that’s enough child talk, let’s talk about something else. And keep repeating.

LightDrizzle · 10/02/2025 09:34

You’ve been incredibly patient.

Don’t feel guilty about not commenting and if she asks about it just say it’s got a bit much, lovely as little Thea/ Evie/ Lottie is.

People are so solipsistic!

lalabugirl · 10/02/2025 09:50

@LightDrizzle i do hope it dosn’t get to that point where she asks. Like not even my own sister spams me about her kids. I do really hope its not her way to get attention from me. Sometimes or obvious her snaps belong in the family messages. When she post them on her snap story is a dif thing, but don’t understand why i need to know that lya was a good girl and sleept the whole night, this is also been a banger snap since her baby was born😆 about night sleeps

OP posts:
lalabugirl · 10/02/2025 10:53

@hattie43 and its pretty true. You can’t even say it, even tough you think about it.

OP posts:
HotCrossBunplease · 10/02/2025 10:56

Is she actually expecting you to reply though? Has she complained if you don’t?

StrikeAlways · 10/02/2025 15:33

This sort of thing can also be considered abusive. A child cannot consent to their (near) every move being uploaded to social media and at that level, it’s a real intrusion on a child’s life.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 10/02/2025 15:36

You’ll probably have to tell her, at which point she’ll likely take offence and you won’t hear from her at all anymore.

I had a couple of friends like this and it was like they thought I was the third parent. I eventually had to gently ask them to stop and both sacked me off as a friend as they were outraged by the request.

YANBU though, it’s maddening and I can’t understand why she thinks you’re this invested!

RubyRedBow · 10/02/2025 15:46

I wouldn’t open them and then if mute her.

TimeWarpAgain · 10/02/2025 16:15

Uggghhhh! I feel you!

MissDoubleU · 10/02/2025 16:18

I personally think anyone over the age of 17 with Snapchat is a bit ridiculous but nvm

Agapornis · 10/02/2025 16:25

Are you both Norwegian? Surely this is culturally unusual - I'm saying that as a fellow Northern European. Have an in-person chat about it with her, if she doesn't understand she's not a friend.

Alternatively spam her back with what your 6 year old is doing every minute of the day. Or your dog, cat, hamster, tortoise. Or your favourite houseplant/garden plant 😉

CannotWaitForSummervibes · 10/02/2025 16:54

you know you can just ignore /switch off snap / unfollow/ mute??

Minimili · 10/02/2025 17:07

It’s worse when you are childfree…

I get long explanations about childcare from some friends and their child’s routines, trips to the doctor, arguments at school and because I have no kids myself I get in depth details to make sure I “fully understand”.

I don’t mind some funny stories but otherwise it’s just so tedious, I just don’t need to hear little Amelia refused to wear her coat today or didn’t finish her weetabix when she usually eats it all and a banana.

I thought as I’m getting older I’d receive less updates but although a lot of my friends have older kids they are now on second relationships and having more kids as the first are just getting interesting.
I have to be careful not to let my eyes glaze over or show how bored I am.

I understand my friends love their kids and how important they are to them, I try hard to show interest but some people think their child is as fascinating to everyone else as it is to them.

I have started to be a bit petty to the worst offenders - especially over competitive tiredness. If I get comments like “oh baby was awake all night, they had 3 feeds and even with blue blanket wouldn’t settle, I read 3 little pigs and sang twinkle twinkle and tried again with blue blanket but you will never know tiredness like it”

I’ve started to respond with “No your right I won’t, I had wine and a takeaway with DP, had a bath and a shag and 8 hours sleep with a lie in and breakfast in bed!”

My childfree friends are dwindling, luckily most of them also hate being bored about other people’s kids so know not to do it themselves, when I politely enquire about their kids they say “Little Jacks fine but I’ve come out to have a break from him so let’s talk about something more interesting”

This thread has made me realise though that it’s time for me to end one of my friendships. She’s similar to OPs friend with constant spamming of photos and updates. I’ve tolerated it because I’m aware she’s in the trenches and doesn’t have much else to focus on at the moment. Friendship is a two way street though and her obsession with her toddler means she’s not interested in anything related to my life.
I get the feeling sometimes she’s waiting for me to stop talking so she can start either gushing about the joys of motherhood or lamenting about her little cherub ruining her life.

The one positive about my friends having children (especially the ones who had babies when they were teenagers) is that I saw how hard and boring parenthood actually is. I did a lot of babysitting and despite thinking kids had to feature in my future I realised I had other choices and that I’d be happier and fulfilled without them.

SezFrankly · 10/02/2025 17:36

Ha! I’d be muting and telling her you’re taking a break from socials 😂

Justkeepswiimming · 10/02/2025 18:56

Nothing shows you who 'your kind of people' are more than having kids. I'm telling you, that sorts the wheat from the chaff like nothing else.

Lavenderandbrown · 10/02/2025 19:17

It’s tedious for sure and I say this as a MN with “conventionally attractive and talented children.” If asked I would say…I look at your snapchats but I don’t comment on them. You send a lot and I can’t respond comment on all of them.
I should be embarrassed to say this but I had a social acquaintance who I often saw in a mixed group. One of her children was an unattractive child . . so many pictures shown with the comment ….isnt she so cute! It was bizarre to be forced into complimenting her child as she repeatedly passed around her phone pictures. We all had dc but she adopted a child later in life(after having 3 biological) so had the youngest by far. It really encouraged me to try and respond only honestly and only occasionally to pics and to share the rare occasional pic myself. Surely she doesn’t need you to weigh in your appreciation/ awe/ surprise/ happiness at everything her LO has done.

Dramatic · 10/02/2025 19:21

Lavenderandbrown · 10/02/2025 19:17

It’s tedious for sure and I say this as a MN with “conventionally attractive and talented children.” If asked I would say…I look at your snapchats but I don’t comment on them. You send a lot and I can’t respond comment on all of them.
I should be embarrassed to say this but I had a social acquaintance who I often saw in a mixed group. One of her children was an unattractive child . . so many pictures shown with the comment ….isnt she so cute! It was bizarre to be forced into complimenting her child as she repeatedly passed around her phone pictures. We all had dc but she adopted a child later in life(after having 3 biological) so had the youngest by far. It really encouraged me to try and respond only honestly and only occasionally to pics and to share the rare occasional pic myself. Surely she doesn’t need you to weigh in your appreciation/ awe/ surprise/ happiness at everything her LO has done.

Wow what a horrible post.

lalabugirl · 11/02/2025 00:02

Minimili · 10/02/2025 17:07

It’s worse when you are childfree…

I get long explanations about childcare from some friends and their child’s routines, trips to the doctor, arguments at school and because I have no kids myself I get in depth details to make sure I “fully understand”.

I don’t mind some funny stories but otherwise it’s just so tedious, I just don’t need to hear little Amelia refused to wear her coat today or didn’t finish her weetabix when she usually eats it all and a banana.

I thought as I’m getting older I’d receive less updates but although a lot of my friends have older kids they are now on second relationships and having more kids as the first are just getting interesting.
I have to be careful not to let my eyes glaze over or show how bored I am.

I understand my friends love their kids and how important they are to them, I try hard to show interest but some people think their child is as fascinating to everyone else as it is to them.

I have started to be a bit petty to the worst offenders - especially over competitive tiredness. If I get comments like “oh baby was awake all night, they had 3 feeds and even with blue blanket wouldn’t settle, I read 3 little pigs and sang twinkle twinkle and tried again with blue blanket but you will never know tiredness like it”

I’ve started to respond with “No your right I won’t, I had wine and a takeaway with DP, had a bath and a shag and 8 hours sleep with a lie in and breakfast in bed!”

My childfree friends are dwindling, luckily most of them also hate being bored about other people’s kids so know not to do it themselves, when I politely enquire about their kids they say “Little Jacks fine but I’ve come out to have a break from him so let’s talk about something more interesting”

This thread has made me realise though that it’s time for me to end one of my friendships. She’s similar to OPs friend with constant spamming of photos and updates. I’ve tolerated it because I’m aware she’s in the trenches and doesn’t have much else to focus on at the moment. Friendship is a two way street though and her obsession with her toddler means she’s not interested in anything related to my life.
I get the feeling sometimes she’s waiting for me to stop talking so she can start either gushing about the joys of motherhood or lamenting about her little cherub ruining her life.

The one positive about my friends having children (especially the ones who had babies when they were teenagers) is that I saw how hard and boring parenthood actually is. I did a lot of babysitting and despite thinking kids had to feature in my future I realised I had other choices and that I’d be happier and fulfilled without them.

@Minimili
Its pretty sad when they become baby bore :(
i mostly hang with my childfree friends now because they treat me more than just a mom. And i do think your right about the obbsesion part to, that they barely care about whats going on in your life since they can’t stop talking and spamming about their child. I never expected my friends to be sooo invested in my childs life, i don’t even talk or snap about my kid unless they ask n i keep it short lol. I also get lots of these baby «awake and how good sleepers she is bla bla, that she likes that food, i honstly don’t find baby smeared in food videos cute at all, she even used rto send video before of her breastfeeding and even showing how her baby was tryna reach her nipple» idk what world she lives in now tbh.

OP posts:
lalabugirl · 11/02/2025 00:03

@HotCrossBunplease when she even sends them on snap message after me not replying it kinda gives me the idea she expects me to reply

OP posts:
lalabugirl · 11/02/2025 00:05

@SezFrankly oh god yea, i def need a break from her kid😆 its like her snapchat belongs to her baby and not her anymore lol

OP posts: