To ask if anyone is the same or similar? What do you wear???: Size 16 bottoms (big tum & flabby thighs), 12 - 14 top (40b bust)

[Wolffish]

Really struggling to look nice these days 😔
I’m coming up to 40 but look 10 years younger - baby face! Also don’t live the lifestyle that many of the 40 y/os I know do (ie. no kids, no decent job, not great financial circumstances) and the reason why I mention this is that lifestyle can
direct clothing choices. But I am really feeling fed up with not feeling nice in clothes.

I feel a bit lost because life for me has been hard for an extended period and realistically there won’t be many changes coming soon. But at the same time I would really like to feel like I have a personal style of some sort to give me that little baseline of confidence if that makes sense?

I like to feel comfy, but the things i
was reaching for say 5 years ago I think now make me look dumpy and frumpy (aware the latter is a controversial word but that’s how I feel!) and the things I wore 10
years ago aren’t right because they were for a slimmer figure and were a bit more aspirational to be honest

Is there a way to be comfy and also look nice when you’re this age/shape??? Also, the people who care about me wouldn’t say it, but when it comes down to it, by conventional beauty standards I am definitely not in any way a looker. Less obvious when I was 20 and slim, but more so now.

Can I ask what you wear, for both casual and more dressed up, that you feel
nice in? Also any links to examples would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

@Wolffish

Vinted as I love a bargain 😂

I like blue vanilla and Apricot

There's a good thread in style and beauty currently! I'm partial to George (but it's entirely luck as to if they have anything nice, there's no pattern to it!) Tu at Sainsbury's is more reliable. Tesco have had some on trend things recently. Honestly, it probably depends where you live and what the clothing sections are like- I've got two Tesco's that are world's apart and they're in the next town to each other.

I’m mid 50’s and a size 14 and 40B bra (professional measured) and a size 14 (16 if it’s very fitted) bottom half.

I’ve been wearing a lot of just above the knee skirts with various jumpers, thick tights and kind of slightly slouchy suede ankle boots. I feel really good in these outfits, I have two coats that are the same length as the skirts.

The skirts are A line, slightly flared or fake kilts.

I also suit tapered leg trousers with the same jumpers and coats.

In the spring I will tweak this look with a mac.

I think it depends on your frame though. I have BMI of 18, size 4/6.
But I have a distinctly barrel chest. Have to hear a 36 bra or it would cut me in half.

Another strange decision to choose AIBU rather than the Style and Beauty board where there is a large cohort of people who might offer valuable suggestions on where to shop and what to try.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty

E cup but the cup size doesn’t impact on the band size.

Following because my clothes sizes are similar and I also really struggle to look nice. Weight gain was rapid and fairly recent so it's an adjustment. However I do tend to go for skinny dark jeans / trousers and a bigger top layer (long shirts and jumpers that cover my tummy up well; long jackets and coats; I even found a great second hand poncho lately that is amazing). I don't wear skirts anymore as can't find a style I like. Dresses that are fairly fitted at the top and more billowy over the tummy and hips.

The biggest bit of advice I'd give is not to give up your personal style / likes just because your body has changed over time. For a while I started dressing in a way that was very not me because I was so desperate to cover up - it was like I suddenly wanted to be invisible. I now insist on statement jewellery and my big winged eyeliner and I stick to the colours I've always liked. I believe it's possible to find a way to look and feel yourself and to show your best self off regardless of size (and I know lots of people of all sorts of shapes and sizes and who have been through all sorts of life changes and illnesses impacting on their bodies who pay testimony to this).

Get yourself to Style and Beauty!

also measure yourself properly, nott with sellotape!

@Greywarden thank you for this, I found reading it very helpful. I can really relate to the hiding self/giving up on self element and it felt good to read you saying not to give up! I want to try & focus on wearing the colours I’ve always liked (find it hard to find much colour tbh, I don’t know if that’s just me) and statement jewellery sounds great too. Wish I could find a couple of statement necklaces.
About your last point, I agree… For OTHER people. Have just been struggling to achieve it for myself I think. Ty again for your input 😊

@WingBingo lol I will, & also I have - dug out the fabric tape measure from the sewing kit today & measurements are exactly the same as my sello method 😂

@Organisedwannabe no, but presumably it does impact on clothing size right? Ie. I would guess (tho might be completely wrong) that your size of bust wouldn’t fit into a size 12 top? Anyway I have measured & double measured with help of partner today & my measurements remain the same so I will continue with them!

Recieved & understood @ColdHenrietta

So what were your actual measurements OP? 38 under bust (was that pulling really really tight?) and something like 42 over?

Your back pain could well be exacerbated by the fact you're wearing a bra that doesn't support you properly tbh.

M

The additional back pain I WAS getting stopped completely since stopping wearing the uncomfortable bras! So I will not go back to tight bra bands digging in etc. No way! I do have pre-existing pain condition which makes me extra sensitive, and have other issues in that area. The bras apparently were adding to this. Measurements are definitely correct, partner double checked AND we watched YouTube vids to make sure we were doing it right 😂

Fair enough. I imagine you were wearing something like a 38B and it was digging in because your boobs were crammed into the band and a 38D or similar would fit a lot better, but if you are happy with your bra that's your prerogative!

Thanks for this. Nice to read I’m not the only 40B out there wearing a size 14 top, people seem to think it’s impossible! Where do you find your skirts? I love a tapered trouser (don’t actually own any tho)

Honestly I tried different cup sizes in all the close band sizes, in a few different shops, and the bigger cup sizes were too big on both breasts, even the big girl

It's not impossible, just unlikely. Most people in that case are using the old +5 measuring system. Of course, if you're happy with the fit using that method then all good. But it's often worth checking.

@Wolffish fish
It’s just a case of having a widish back and fairly average size boobs, it doesn’t mean we are size 18’s or whatever. I’ve always been a B cup, if I lose a bit of weight then I go down to a 38B. The fact that bras are made in 40B shows this size is a thing. I’ve tried C cups and there’s a ridiculous amount of spare space, I imagine you are the same Wolffish.

I bought my skirts mainly from Next online and New Look and M&S for tapered trousers.