To ask if anyone is the same or similar? What do you wear???: Size 16 bottoms (big tum & flabby thighs), 12 - 14 top (40b bust)

[Wolffish]

Really struggling to look nice these days 😔
I’m coming up to 40 but look 10 years younger - baby face! Also don’t live the lifestyle that many of the 40 y/os I know do (ie. no kids, no decent job, not great financial circumstances) and the reason why I mention this is that lifestyle can
direct clothing choices. But I am really feeling fed up with not feeling nice in clothes.

I feel a bit lost because life for me has been hard for an extended period and realistically there won’t be many changes coming soon. But at the same time I would really like to feel like I have a personal style of some sort to give me that little baseline of confidence if that makes sense?

I like to feel comfy, but the things i
was reaching for say 5 years ago I think now make me look dumpy and frumpy (aware the latter is a controversial word but that’s how I feel!) and the things I wore 10
years ago aren’t right because they were for a slimmer figure and were a bit more aspirational to be honest

Is there a way to be comfy and also look nice when you’re this age/shape??? Also, the people who care about me wouldn’t say it, but when it comes down to it, by conventional beauty standards I am definitely not in any way a looker. Less obvious when I was 20 and slim, but more so now.

Can I ask what you wear, for both casual and more dressed up, that you feel
nice in? Also any links to examples would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

Following because same size, same dilemma...

@QueenSmartypants I feel like the only one! Fingers crossed we get some help! What do you wear now?

I'm a similar size and shape, and I always wear an underwired bra as it miraculously transforms my bust size to 44, so it actually sticks out more than my stomach, and my figure looks much better balanced.

I'm in my 60s so I doubt if you'd want to actually dress like me though 😄

@3beesinmybonnet haha I am curious what you wear! I think women of all ages can look fantastic and I see them looking better than me on a daily basis!

I stopped wearing underwired bras in the past couple of years due to back issues and no longer finding them comfy. Have switched to the more bra top style of bras (with padding) which i don’t think flatter me especially but also don’t unflattering me TOO much but it was kind of a no question thing because of the discomfort.

A 40B seems unlikely for a size 12-14, have you ever measured using boob or bust method? The right size bra can make a huge difference.

What type of clothes do you wear normally?

@Apileofballyhoo As in, you would expect smaller back measurement? Hmmm I’m unsure what boob or bust method is (will research) but when I was still wearing underwired bras this was the only size that fitted me. I do carry excess weight on my back but have smallish actual boobs in comparison to my overall size I think. I mostly wear bra top style bras now but do gave a couple of non-underwires M&S T-shirt type bras which only fit comfortably and with the least moving around in size 40b

This jumped out at me as well. 40 back seems unlikely if you are only a 12/14 top.

I also think you should grab a tape measure and measure yourself. I'm a size 20, and wear a 40 bra. Usually add 20 to your clothing size and that's your back size.

Measure your underbust, pull the tape measure tight. Don't add anything to the measurement. I'd be amazed if your measurement is 40 inches!

@Apileofballyhoo I’m thinking now: maybe I’m not actually a 12/14 on top but am actually a 16 and have been going wrong wearing smaller on top… Maybe? But when I have tried larger vest tops they tend to be gapey/saggy on the boobs. I have big upper arms though which often don’t feel comfy in regular sleeves 😮‍💨

Over the past couple of years I have been wearing mom style jeans, and I try to wear with a relaxed top that I can loosely tuck in, then a cardi over the top to try and hide the spare tyre. (Both the excess weight on the back plus the mini-roll between boobs & tum.) Or leggings with sack-of-potatoes jumper dresses. I have one black batwing top that I wear with jeans for any ‘dressy’ occasion but I would like to find something a bit nicer

@HaddyAbrams thank you this is helpful. I will locate a fabric tape measure and do this! I am thinking about it more now and thinking that I NEVER wear tops in fabrics that don’t have any give - just stretchy vest tops and relaxed T-shirts and so on. That said my most recent top purchase was a black cotton T-shirt from M&S in a size 14
and honestly, it has a bit of space in it so 🤔 But I will definitely get measuring!

Can I ask what cup size you are?

@CircleofWillis hmmm food for thought Ty!

@Wolffish I'm a 40H.

@HaddyAbrams so, I would have assumed that the H part along with the 40 is partly what is leading you to wear a size 20? This is really highlighting to me though that I need to take my measurements for tops as well as bra tho!

No, not really. I'm a 20 on the bottom. And, like you, wear mostly stretchy tops. Sometimes I need a 22 on top to accommodate the boobs.

M&S online bra measuring tool is very good. I tried it and discovered I was wearing the wrong size which does make difference to how my clothes look.

I just measured using sellotape and then measuring that against a ruler as can’t find a tape measure 😂 Turns out I am coming up as 38 inch underbust rather than 40. But happy with sticking to the 40 it’s comfy and anything else was irritating the back pain.

Thanks, all I can find is the link to booking an appointment for a measuring…. But perhaps that’s due to foggy brain!

@HaddyAbrams I just measured using sellotape and then measuring that against a ruler as can’t find a tape measure 😂 Turns out I am coming up as 38 inch underbust rather than 40. But happy with sticking to the 40 it’s comfy and anything else was irritating the back pain.

I'm trying to streamline my wardrobe. I'm going for a reduction of prints and 'faddy' clothes. I'm finding that linen pants (coming in to spring and summer) help. Also, on the search for an excellent pair of jeans. Jumpers are popular at the minute - I find they feel less frumpy than t-shirt and cardigan. Long sleeve basic tops in good quality material.

Don't discount supermarket clothing!

I'm a 22+ in a fitted shirt, and i'm a 40C size bra, so i think you're massively off with your bra size.

This! I wear size 18 on the top and I’m a 36

If you are on Instagram I follow a woman called Meagan Wells who is the shape you describe. Shes 5ft 2 ish I thiink
Always looks amazing

Black stretchy wide leg trousers sound like they might work for you. I dress them up with long sleeved black t-shirts and a “sweater vest” or down with a stripey t-shirt, denim jacket and trainers. They are comfortable.

I'm a 14 and a 36DD . I like to wear flowery dresses and leggings or wide legged trousers with loose fitted tops.

Update: I have taken my measurements and my sizes are correct! (Altho technically it turns out I am a 38 rather than 40 but all other measurements remain the same) I don’t know enough about body shapes/sizes to know if they are unlikely/weird! 🤷‍♀️ @Organisedwannabe do you have a much bigger cup size to me? @AlmostAJillSandwich I’m so confused by this but as I say above I have measured to double check! I don’t know if I have a bigger rib cage or something, in combination with some extra padding on the specific area where the bra size measurement is taken (flab and possibly swelling due to health condition?!)

Although it turns out I am a 38 underbust, I will keep wearing a 40 for comfort. This isn’t going to change as I have a pain condition. For the same reason I no longer wear underwire. I’ve never been happy with my bust tbh - have one breast much smaller than the other, they also carry their volume lower down so have always found it hard to get cups to fit. I actually feel a relief on giving up on trying to find the perfect bra for the aesthetics of my boobs a relief! So I have a couple of M&S flexifit non underwired, and my others are bra top style with stretchy underbands. Padded which I feel gives extra support.

@discdiscsnap ty, I used to love a floral print when I was younger! Where do you shop for these?

@CRbear thx for this. I actually saw someone dressed similar yesterday. I will look into trying on this look

@Ohyay ty - I just looked her up and she is gorgeous! I do have a similar body shape to her except I have more fat on top I think. It’s the flabby area between my boobs & belly which I am super self conscious of and stops me wearing lots of things that I decide draw attention to that 😔 And she also has the benefit of a gorgeous face which is nothing like mine.

@HollyGolightly4 thx for this, I am
on the same page with the wardrobe. I do have jumpers too but I am trying to think forward to spring when the jumpers will be too warm (but will still need a layer over a light top.) Good tip re. supermarket clothes, do you have any preferences between them?