Im not a total idiot so I’m already very much aware my FMIL was very clearly in the wrong here and if she acts this way after nearly a decade together this doesn’t bode well for her as a MIL in the coming years because her opinion won’t magically change in viewing herself as the number one woman in my husband’s life. She will always demand that she should still be the number one woman even over his partner/spouse. Thinking she should be sitting next to him at thanksgiving or other holiday dinners instead of his own wife. When the babies come she will think she has more of a say over me the mother bc she is the GRANDMOTHER AND DAMNIT THEY HAVE RIGHTS. But what I am asking is I’m on the verge after her tantrum and outburst of uninviting her to our wedding and the only thing that would be stopping me is the fact I wouldn’t want to do that to my fiancé because she is his mother and that this is the first time she has acted out but trust me I’m very tempted to. So I’m asking you guys is this wedding invite revoke worthy this incident?
My fiancé’s who is 29 his father very sadly passed away due to health complications from an accident he was in years back. His father was 59 years old and his father was an only child and so is my fiancé. My fiancé’s mom have been divorced from fiancé’s father for 20 years now. My fiancé and I own a home together and our wedding date is in June 2026. We have been together 9 years and have lived together for 5 years and are very much a fully committed couple we live as married and conduct ourselves as such since we have been living together a while. The day of the funeral I sat next to my fiance because well we been together 9 years, he is my life partner, never mind the fact we are engaged. And because naturally I’m going to be the person as his partner who is going to be his comfort to lean on and his emotional support when he is sobbing. Just to be very clear before I get into the rest that there were 6 chairs at the very front row and again both my fiance and his dad were only children so I wasn’t taken a seat away from a member of his dad’s immediate family by any stretch or otherwise I wouldn’t have sat next to my partner. So it was my fiancé’s dad’s mom, fiancé’s mom, fiance’, and me.
Well his mom (who mind you hasn’t been married to the man in 20 years) has the audacity to look me dead in the eye and tell me to and these were her exact words and I quote, “get up and sit behind my fiance because I’m not family and since she is my fiancé’s mother she will be the one to sit next to him and support him.” Now I get it it’s the father of her child and emotions run high at funerals so people say things that are out of character or not the kindest but IMO it’s no excuse to take it out on people who had nothing to do with the situation at hand. And I find it extremely out of line for an ex of 20 years to think she can dictate the seating arrangements. Never mind I’ve been with my fiance a decade and it isn’t bc I think I’m super close to his dad necessarily but I’ve always been raised funerals are about being there for the grieving not necessarily the deceased so I was there next to my life partner to be his shoulder to cry on. I said back to my FMIL, “I’m supporting my fiance and being this is his father’s funeral I think the decision should be left up to him.” His mother said back, “well I’m his mother and mother trumps partner so he can lean on me.”
I find this incredibly strange that she would expect her nearly 30 year old son to primarily lean on her and cry on the shoulder of his mother over that of his long term partner he has been with for a decade and who is about to become his wife. I’m worried that she still views herself as the primary woman in his life and that’s not going to bode well for our marriage bc I don’t ever see her view changing. I got up to sit behind my fiancé and he told me no I am family and I’m sitting right where I need to be and he told his mother if she has a problem with it she can move. She cried her eyes out and said she can’t believe her son is choosing some woman he isn’t married to over her.