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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends meeting without me

60 replies

CocoBean22 · 09/02/2025 14:45

Me and two of my friends used to meet up once in every school holiday with our kids who are the same ages.

Last time in the Christmas holidays I was meant to go but couldn't make it due to work commitments so had to drop out.

I found out yesterday from one of the friends that she is meeting up next week with the kids and the other friend, I acted cool when she told me and said 'oh that will be nice' but deep down I'm a bit hurt and not sure if I'm over reacting but feeling like this?

Part of me feels like messaging the other friend saying 'Hope you have a nice time next week with friend X' just to make a point that I'm aware they are meeting up without me but not sure what this will achieve 😔

AIBU for feeling a bit miffed they haven't asked me this time or should I let it go as obviously we are allowed to meet who we want when we want and don't have to be invited every time and still be friends?

OP posts:
ValentineValentineV · 09/02/2025 19:59

Maybe they’ve always met up separately as well as you’re 6 times a year get togethers.

Saltandpeppersquid · 22/07/2025 09:49

Whistledown2 · 09/02/2025 19:57

OP some of the posters have not been kind to you here (hardly unusual🙄) so I'd like to agree with others that I think your response (hurt/upset) is normal. You feel sidelined and exclude, whether that was the intent (I'm sure it wasn't) or not, they're your very valid feelings, don't let anyone take them away from you.

I would not send a PA message. I would just arrange in the group for the next holiday meet up, ignoring the one just taken place.

I agree anyone can meet up with anyone and don't need to ask 'permission' but when you're a 'group' who does things together regularly it's a very different dynamic.

I hope things get sorted OP

Totally agree with this thoughtful and considerate post.

Have dignity, remain your usual friendly self and arrange a meet up for all three of you when you have the opportunity.

Good luck!

LightCameraBitchSmile · 22/07/2025 09:51

@Saltandpeppersquid this is from February

Daygloboo · 23/07/2025 20:47

IsawwhatIsaw · 09/02/2025 16:36

I think the point was that their meet up was not hidden from you.
FWIW I don’t think friendships of 3 are always the best. I’ve got a couple of these friendships that are ok but have let others go..

When you say friendships of 3 aren't the best, do you mean the dynamic can be a bit difficult and that it's better having several separate friends where just the two of you meet up? I've always tended ro have one to one friendships..I have been involved in group friendships amd enjoyed them but I'm not a great communicator in groups and tend to be better on a one to one.

Laura95167 · 23/07/2025 21:26

Id say oh great, when I would love to be able to come

converseandjeans · 23/07/2025 23:22

It might be to do with the kids & how well they get on. But yes I can see it seems you are being excluded. Maybe try to instigate a summer meet up - do you have a WhatsApp group?

Daygloboo · 23/07/2025 23:44

CocoBean22 · 09/02/2025 14:45

Me and two of my friends used to meet up once in every school holiday with our kids who are the same ages.

Last time in the Christmas holidays I was meant to go but couldn't make it due to work commitments so had to drop out.

I found out yesterday from one of the friends that she is meeting up next week with the kids and the other friend, I acted cool when she told me and said 'oh that will be nice' but deep down I'm a bit hurt and not sure if I'm over reacting but feeling like this?

Part of me feels like messaging the other friend saying 'Hope you have a nice time next week with friend X' just to make a point that I'm aware they are meeting up without me but not sure what this will achieve 😔

AIBU for feeling a bit miffed they haven't asked me this time or should I let it go as obviously we are allowed to meet who we want when we want and don't have to be invited every time and still be friends?

Maybe see what happens going forward. If it happens again then maybe they do mean to exclude you. If they invite you and it carries on as normal then maybe it was just a one off..

IsawwhatIsaw · 27/07/2025 18:02

Daygloboo · 23/07/2025 20:47

When you say friendships of 3 aren't the best, do you mean the dynamic can be a bit difficult and that it's better having several separate friends where just the two of you meet up? I've always tended ro have one to one friendships..I have been involved in group friendships amd enjoyed them but I'm not a great communicator in groups and tend to be better on a one to one.

Show quote history

I think they can be ok if personalities are balanced. i was in a 3 with a woman who was noisy and dominant, i was excluded from conversations where she and the other woman had previous history.
A 3 that can work is more balanced with no one ending up left out.
But that said, I prefer to meet in a 2

beelegal · 27/07/2025 18:08

Sounds a bit like teenager stuff to me.

ruethewhirl · 28/07/2025 13:08

beelegal · 27/07/2025 18:08

Sounds a bit like teenager stuff to me.

Adults are allowed to feel hurt by shit treatment from friends, you know.

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