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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they don't believe DD about sexual abuse.

39 replies

awaywiththecats · 08/02/2025 12:25

New poster need to talk to someone. My DD was sexual abused. Had first camps appt this week. The report has come in the post. I wasn't there when she was talking to them etc. the language in the report suggests they think she's lying, doesn't it? I'm so confused Sad

To think they don't believe DD about sexual abuse.
OP posts:
CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 08/02/2025 12:28

I don’t think it reads like that at all. Which but in particular leads you to think that?

Original poster
awaywiththecats · 08/02/2025 12:30

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 08/02/2025 12:28

I don’t think it reads like that at all. Which but in particular leads you to think that?

The allegations are persons illustrations but.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 08/02/2025 12:31

I can see why it comes across that way OP

PrincessPeache · 08/02/2025 12:31

They have to be really careful not stating things as fact that haven’t been proven as fact. It doesn’t mean they don’t believe her.

Balloonhearts · 08/02/2025 12:31

Not sure where you got that from. It's mostly about her struggles in therapy/assessment and not knowing how to safely relate to adults, including the therapist, as a result of her experiences. And saying that she needs a much greater amount of sessions in order to feel safe opening up, but with a very experienced therapist with strong boundaries.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 08/02/2025 12:31

I’m not reading that as I don’t think it’s fair to post online.

Just be there to support her regardless.

Balloonhearts · 08/02/2025 12:32

They can't refer to it as anything other than allegations until the abuser has been convicted.

Original poster
awaywiththecats · 08/02/2025 12:33

Balloonhearts · 08/02/2025 12:32

They can't refer to it as anything other than allegations until the abuser has been convicted.

He has been convicted.

OP posts:
Frydaycryday · 08/02/2025 12:33

I don't think it reads like that...
Have you considered that you are projecting your own thoughts/concerns?

Original poster
awaywiththecats · 08/02/2025 12:34

I also don't think it's appropriate to comment on sexual element of DD.

OP posts:
CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 08/02/2025 12:35

They cannot state as fact.
the word illustration is just about her description and what she might be conveying.
People who have been abused can often find relationships distressing and confusing due to their experiences.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 08/02/2025 12:36

It doesn't read like that at all to me. It reads that she needs help to understand what boundaries there should be in her relationships and what is acceptable and not acceptable.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 08/02/2025 12:38

awaywiththecats · 08/02/2025 12:34

I also don't think it's appropriate to comment on sexual element of DD.

Unfortunately children who have been abused can often present with sexualised behaviour. If the therapist has seen this then they need to record it as part of their assessment.

Verlaine · 08/02/2025 12:42

The sexual part of that gave me the creeps. Assume this is a man writing. What gives him the right to decide if a young girl is ‘walking sexily’ in front of him?

Meecrowahvey · 08/02/2025 12:44

It's a bit creepy and you can tell a man wrote it. I doesn't read that they disbelieve her though.

JLou08 · 08/02/2025 12:45

It didn't read that way to me. Be careful not to project your thoughts on to your DD

MJconfessions · 08/02/2025 12:46

I’m an educated person with a psychology degree and masters, and I think that report sounds odd. There is so much emphasis being placed on the author’s imagination as opposed to facts.

I think it’s bizarre for the author to state there was a sexual element to 1. eye contact and 2. her walking in front of them. Surely that would warrant a complaint being upheld by the NHS. I can’t imagine that would be deemed as appropriate nor that they would stand by that.

I wouldn’t send her back to this person. I would request someone else for her to have these appointments with.

myplace · 08/02/2025 12:47

That’s therapy speak, very much so. Rather good too, in my inexperienced opinion.

He’s commenting on how a relationship is built between the therapist and the client, that there is a process and communication involved. That she is using specific tools, some of which are less appropriate than others. He has to observe and record this, to keep them both safe.

This is all normal.

It’s a challenging process.

Original poster
awaywiththecats · 08/02/2025 12:49

Yes. A man who wrote it.

OP posts:
myplace · 08/02/2025 12:50

I had a woman therapist comment on what she saw as suggestive, sexualised behaviour in a 4yr old.
I had a man who didn’t make any sexual connections, but did use exactly the same style as that written report and also commented on things that were to me not relevant that he found spoke significantly.

Original poster
awaywiththecats · 08/02/2025 12:51

MJconfessions · 08/02/2025 12:46

I’m an educated person with a psychology degree and masters, and I think that report sounds odd. There is so much emphasis being placed on the author’s imagination as opposed to facts.

I think it’s bizarre for the author to state there was a sexual element to 1. eye contact and 2. her walking in front of them. Surely that would warrant a complaint being upheld by the NHS. I can’t imagine that would be deemed as appropriate nor that they would stand by that.

I wouldn’t send her back to this person. I would request someone else for her to have these appointments with.

Thanks for this. I don't want to send her back but she is on child protective plan and I am worried about doing anything against as they said she must attend etc.

OP posts:
MJconfessions · 08/02/2025 13:00

Have you spoken to her? Does she feel comfortable returning? Has she seen the report? Does she agree with what has been said? She should have agency in this too. Can she bring someone with her?

I don’t know the ins and outs but if she’s a victim of CSA and on a child protective plan, I would expect the NHS to be supportive as opposed to strong-arming her and not letting her have a voice. It feels like there’s a lot analysis of insignificant things in this report but not much tangible support explored. I find it odd that a sexual element has been attributed to her actions as opposed to stress, shyness, discomfort etc.

MJconfessions · 08/02/2025 13:04

If it is a man who she saw, asking for a woman for future appointments would be a good first step.

Original poster
awaywiththecats · 08/02/2025 13:11

MJconfessions · 08/02/2025 13:00

Have you spoken to her? Does she feel comfortable returning? Has she seen the report? Does she agree with what has been said? She should have agency in this too. Can she bring someone with her?

I don’t know the ins and outs but if she’s a victim of CSA and on a child protective plan, I would expect the NHS to be supportive as opposed to strong-arming her and not letting her have a voice. It feels like there’s a lot analysis of insignificant things in this report but not much tangible support explored. I find it odd that a sexual element has been attributed to her actions as opposed to stress, shyness, discomfort etc.

She doesn't want to go back as she found the process strange.

OP posts:
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