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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get a bit tearful because no-one brought me any flowers/balloons at the hospital?

68 replies

Seashell71 · 08/05/2008 13:10

Ok I accept my hormones are all over the place but last week had my lovely baby-boy and of course quite a few people came to visit at the hospital... my pil brought a "baby boy" card and, er, that's it.
My dh and my other friends came and noone brought a flower/balloon/card/pressie.
It was an elective c-section, so everyone knew the day baby was coming.
I know that what matters is that baby and I are well (we are), but I can't help getting earful when I think of it.
All other new mums near me had balloons,flowers and cards on their bedside table.
I'd never go to visit someone who's had a baby and not bring at least a card and a small present.
AIBU?

OP posts:
colacubes · 08/05/2008 15:41

lazy, that's bloody awful, where was everyone?

clayre · 08/05/2008 15:43

my sister had a huff when i had ds, i had him at half one in the morning and got out at lunchtime so i wasnt in for visiting hours and she had bought balloons to bring up to the hospital, she brought them to the house instead, my aunty gave me flowers both times but dp didnt manange to bring anything either time

BroccoliSpears · 08/05/2008 15:46

With dd 2 years ago I didn't get any visitors or anything in hospital, but at least when I got home people sent flowers and cards and came to see the new baby and make a fuss.

With ds, born 10 days ago, again no visitors or anything in hospital. Have been home for well over a week and have been sent ONE bunch of flowers (my parents), had ONE visitor (my neighbour) and been sent 6 cards mostly from friends. And dp and I both have HUGE families! If I were the sensitive type I could feel a bit miffed. I suppose number 2 just isn't as exciting.

cmotdibbler · 08/05/2008 15:50

I was in hospital with DS for a week as he was prem. Had flowers from work, and two of my colleagues came to visit. Not a single family member came to see us (same country).

I felt so sad when I saw all these grandparents coming in to visit - Dh's parents had actually booked to go to their villa in Turkey for 7 weeks, which meant that they wouldn't have seen him for 2 weeks after he was born anyway, but in the event it was 7 weeks.

Egg · 08/05/2008 15:50

My only balloons and presents in hospital (not counting food parcels from DH and my mum) were from my lovely MN friends (Squonk, marmitemad and Dropdeadfred). Thank goodness for them . I was there for four nights so lots of time for people to bring things too...

BrassicaNapusNapobrassica · 08/05/2008 15:58

My MIL asked me the other day what she should get SIL (who she doesn't get on with at all well) when she gives birth in a week or two. What did I think she would appreciate more - a big bunch of flowers and perfume or some special chocolates and perfume? She didn't get me anything at all when I was in hospital having produced her only grandchildren. There's a moral in the story. If you want good post-birth pressies you have to be totally unreasonably throughout the whole of your pregnancy and be a complete bitch. If you are kind and considerate and uncomplaining throughout people take your feat entirely for granted.

BrassicaNapusNapobrassica · 08/05/2008 15:59

btw congratulations on the arrival of your lovely baby boy.

thelittlestbadger · 08/05/2008 16:02

I didn't get anything either. Wasn't too upset that DH didn't get me anything as there wasn't really time, although he could perhaps have picked something up the next day. My mum gave all sorts of useful things like sorting out a sitz bath and holding the baby while I had it, cooking dinner etc. PILs came round and let me make them lots of cups of tea while they praised DH and DD! Grrr. I told DH its diamonds next time to make up for it.

Congrats BTW. Heres happy balloon thoughts!

LazyLinePainterJane · 08/05/2008 16:03

not sure clayre, we do live about an hour away from relatives but still, I went to visit them, with flowers and everything.

Seems they saved it up to come and visit once I got home and demanded I make them cups of tea. And they still didn't bring flowers!

DaisySteiner · 08/05/2008 16:06

I would have hated it if my dh had bought me anything to "thank" me for his child - would have made me feel like an incubator.

I did get lots of cards and presents from other people though.

TsarChasm · 08/05/2008 16:08

YANBU I would feel a bit deflated too.

Many congratulations though!

Just to cheer you up how about this. Dh is sometimes depressingly over practical. When I had dd I mentioned it would be nice if he could bring me in some squash (I don't drink tea)

He grabbed a sticky old bottle from the back of our cupboard with about an inch of squash left in the bottom. Gee thanks luv - I had hoped for a new one. Talk about pushing the boat out for a happy occasion

OrmIrian · 08/05/2008 16:09

I don't blame you for being upset. I used to get a bit tearful that all my friends ended up with jewellery from their partners when they had their first baby and I didn't. Let alone nothing at all! I think DH managed some flowers for me for no#3 and that was because Tesco had opened near the hospital. Mind you my mum went OTT each time to make up for it.

Oblomov · 08/05/2008 16:23

I didn't get anything. But then I didn't have any visitors, apart from dh. Mind you the hospital is 2 hrs away.
Our local hospital, maternity wards, does not accept flowers or balloons - health reasons, apparently.

FioFio · 08/05/2008 16:24

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Message withdrawn

BrassicaNapusNapobrassica · 08/05/2008 16:33

TheLittlestBadger - "holding the baby while I had it" - Your mum really very hands on!

ConnorTraceptive · 08/05/2008 17:00

All i got was a thomas the tank b-day card from ds

louloulouise · 08/05/2008 19:51

Erm.... I got nothing, I didn't really expect anything tbh - never crossed my mind!! DH didn't get me anything either, not a sausage, but again, I really didn't expect a thing.

Didn't bother me in the slightest so I think yes YAB a tad U.

LovingTheWeather · 08/05/2008 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Seashell71 · 09/05/2008 00:02

Thank you all so much for your stories, cheered me up! The virtual flowers and balloons made my eyes well up, thank you.

Jesuswhatnext: How did you cope with that?

A neighbour today turned up with some flowers and a teddy, which was lovely and completely unexpected.

Lovingtheweather, the tree idea sounds lovely, maybe will look for one that blossoms in May to mark baby's arrival, thanks!

OP posts:
eidsvold · 09/05/2008 01:00

i had flowers in hospital when dd1 was born BUT she was off in icu. I would have swapped the few bunches of flowers I got to have her with me for the first three weeks of her life.

So no you are not being unreasonable as I think it is important to acknowledge with flowers or a balloon. Great that someone came with one today for you.

Personally - much nicer to have the flowers at home to enjoy than in the hospital - but that is just me.

KerryMum · 09/05/2008 01:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ALMummy · 09/05/2008 09:09

seashell. Know how you feel though.

I got the lot with PFB DS - balloons, chocolates, cards, flowers - millions of them, clothes for DS etc. Great Grand parents, grand parents, Siblings, absolutely everyone came to visit.

DD born three years later, not a sausage. DH had to work the next day so was there for the birth then home to bed and didn't arrive until after 6 the next evening. No one visited in between. I burst into tears when he appeared through the curtain, I was so sad and lonely.

We had better not have another one, probably no one would even bother to ask his/her name.

allytjd · 09/05/2008 10:32

Took until my third birth for DH to get round to buying me flowers, and i had to nag him beforehand.

cupsoftea · 09/05/2008 10:58

seashell - many congrats xxxx when you're up to it go and get some lovely pressies for your little one and something for yourself.

triflenorks · 09/05/2008 11:06

ds was prem, I was still working on the fri and had an emergency c section on the sunday. Work had a whip round and the lady who was delegated to buy the present/card whatever, brought me ... NOTHING. 9 yrs later and it still rankles that she pocketed the money for the card etc. To make matters worse we moved 2 yrs ago and now she is my next door neighbour.

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