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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sex with a married person

33 replies

Poppyseeds79 · 08/02/2025 01:33

Have you? Would you? Very easy to say absolutely not! If your relationship is solid I think?

Possibly less easy if it's on the rocks, on the ground, dead in the water for years possibly?

Nobody wants to actively be a cheat? But if it's just no longer 'happening', and you are sick to the very back teeth! And you literally can't afford to split...

Would you cheat?

OP posts:
Crushed23 · 08/02/2025 01:36

The only acceptable way to have sex with a married person is if they're in a mutually agreed open marriage with their spouse, or if they are separated and waiting for their divorce to be finalised.

Otherwise no.

SophieGee · 08/02/2025 01:37

No and no.

i have been in a virtually sexless marriage. I left, even thought it was difficult, before finding someone new. I had opportunities, but decided that cheating would cause more hurt than the problem it would solve.

suburberphobe · 08/02/2025 01:53

As usual, first answer nails it.

Miratea · 08/02/2025 01:57

I get so invested in my partners and am so loyal so not for no reason. I get so obsessed with the person I’m with. But if they weren’t meeting my needs then yes because then it just becomes a label and it’s not a relationship. I can imagine enjoying flirting with someone else before I have truly mentally processed detachment from the partner in that case. Sorry if that’s not what you asked

thicklysettled · 08/02/2025 01:57

I would. My husband has no libido (and no interest in doing anything to remedy the situation) and after years of practically pleading for sex, I'm done. Actively pursuing someone.

thicklysettled · 08/02/2025 01:58

To add, we have 3 children and I have no intention of blowing their lives up because of my needs.

AmateurNoun · 08/02/2025 02:00

I regularly have sex with a married person and don't think there's anything wrong with it.

He is my husband 🙃

XenoBitch · 08/02/2025 02:03

No.
I have been cheated on, and it absolutely destroyed me.
Don't do it.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 08/02/2025 02:13

Not unless I was married to them.

Ohshutupcolinyoutwat · 08/02/2025 02:15

What about you op? Writing an article?

heyhopotato · 08/02/2025 02:17

Ohshutupcolinyoutwat · 08/02/2025 02:15

What about you op? Writing an article?

must be for a student paper given the quality of the post

ThisFluentBiscuit · 08/02/2025 02:37

I can answer this as I was in a horrible marriage for years, and it never occurred to me to cheat. So no.

We had a loooooong separation though, so I ended up having sex with others while I was still married. So technically I'm an adulterer, but he'd been out of the house for two years and ten months by the time I laid a finger on another man.

A PP said that their marriage was sexless, and they were looking elsewhere, but had no intention of blowing her up three DCs' lives. In her situation, I can totally understand what she's doing. It's what the French and the aristos have been doing for years, and if you think about it, it's a very practical solution. Spouse has had no interest in sex for years, but the person who isn't dead below the waist doesn't want to destroy lives and probably still loves the spouse as a person anyway. As long as they don't get caught, everyone stays happy and gets what they want. Because strangely, most people who deny their spouses sex longterm still think that their spouse shouldn't have anyone else. 🤔

CheekyHobson · 08/02/2025 03:07

Perfectly possible to be in a long-term sexless relationship and to keep it in your pants while you save your money/get your ducks in a row to leave with your integrity intact.

CheekyHobson · 08/02/2025 03:09

thicklysettled · 08/02/2025 01:58

To add, we have 3 children and I have no intention of blowing their lives up because of my needs.

And there’s no chance of you getting caught and making the blow-up of their lives markedly worse?

DaniMontyRae · 08/02/2025 03:19

thicklysettled · 08/02/2025 01:58

To add, we have 3 children and I have no intention of blowing their lives up because of my needs.

And if your husband found out about you screwing other men behind his back? Do you think that won't blow up your children's lives?

Joystir59 · 08/02/2025 03:23

I was always turned off by anyone who was in a relationship with someone else. I just always had a physical revulsion at the idea of it. I suppose it's very different if you find out after you've started with someone. I've never knowingly been in that situation. Or cheated on anyone I was in an exclusive relationship with.

MotherCariesChickens · 08/02/2025 04:09

Cheating as a way to solve marriage problems is like firebombing your house because the kitchen tap's leaking.

It creates problems where non exist and complicates those that do.

A recipe for disaster all round.

HelmholtzWatson · 08/02/2025 04:52

Think how you would feel if you got found out, your husband left you and your kids knew it was because you were shagging around.

Do you really think they are not going to be bothered?

mnreader · 08/02/2025 04:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Poppins21 · 08/02/2025 04:59

No I wouldn’t want to hurt my husband like that. It would break my heart to hurt the man I love for a shag.

JustMyView13 · 08/02/2025 05:12

Crushed23 · 08/02/2025 01:36

The only acceptable way to have sex with a married person is if they're in a mutually agreed open marriage with their spouse, or if they are separated and waiting for their divorce to be finalised.

Otherwise no.

Or if you’re married to that married person. That’s ok in my books.

3luckystars · 08/02/2025 05:36

I have not been in this situation but I try not to judge anyone.

If a person is really trapped in a relationship and can’t leave, and they seek a bit of happiness with a married man, they probably know that it is not going to solve anything but do it anyway.

Its like reaching for a drink or taking drugs.

I would like to think I wouldn’t do it, but people do mad things when they are in pain.

NattyTurtle59 · 08/02/2025 05:48

No, I wouldn't even consider it, no matter how bad my relationship was. If you want to have sex with someone else you leave your current relationship. There is never any excuse for cheating.

justworking · 08/02/2025 06:28

Crushed23 · 08/02/2025 01:36

The only acceptable way to have sex with a married person is if they're in a mutually agreed open marriage with their spouse, or if they are separated and waiting for their divorce to be finalised.

Otherwise no.

This. What is their situation?

VanillaVein · 08/02/2025 06:28

It's very easy to say absolutely not because it's very easy to absolutely not cheat on someone. Cheating is ALWAYS a choice. No matter how many excuses are found and yes they are excuses. For one, you're putting someone else's health at risk! Work on the issues instead of being selfish.

As I always say: Cheating is for cowards & c*s.

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