Screen time at restaurants

[SMLSML]

We've recently come back from a family holiday at Bluestone and when we went out for dinner both nights the majority of parents used screens at the table for their kids (ages probably from 1-10). We've never done this as our 4 year old has always been happy enough colouring or joining in with us but she's now started to notice other kids and asks for her tablet or to watch a show. To be clear I'm not judging other parents that do do this, it's more of how do we say no to our little one without her feeling like she's the only one and missing out. I don't want to give the tablet to her as I feel it means she doesn't learn to sit and engage plus if other kids weren't on them she wouldn't ask. As I said, I'm not judging as we do use screens for long journeys and other things, it's just how do we tell her why she can't, as 4 is still quite young to understand 😞

I know this is a slightly old thread now but thank you for this.

I have just come back from a lunch out for Mother’s Day. A kid on the table next to us was handed a tablet which he proceeded to then play on for an hour uninterrupted. He was even served his meal which he ate whilst continuing to play on the screen. He was around 5 years old. The parents and grandmother made no attempt whatsoever to interact with him. Sad sad times.

It’s rubbish parenting, if the child is neurotypical. I know some parents use screens to help neurodiverse children cope with over stimulating surroundings. Using it a digital babysitter for neurotypical kids is terrible. It completely cuts the child off from joining in with the family. Plugged into their little world and fostering a dependency on screens. As I type this on my phone 😂 However I wouldn’t have my phone out during a meal. I do wonder what socialisation will look like in the future if screens during a meal become ubiquitous from an early age.

We normally bring colouring and stickers and expect our three year old to sit through a quick meal eg. 90 minutes. If it’s a longer affair we will allow Netflix on our phones after the main course.

Agreed. If it is a lengthy meal with other adults, whereby the kids are expected to sit quietly while the grown ups enjoy more courses, drinks, coffee etc then I'll happily allow a programme with headphones etc. If we were at home they could go and play etc, but obviously they can't when out.

I normally take top trumps, dobble etc, plus pen and paper etc, but if I want to be able to have an uninterrupted conversation with another grown up without having to join in top trumps or whatever then I see nothing wrong with a quiet episode of the Inbestigators or whatever.

There is quite an age gap with our kids, the 14 and 12 year old will join in with adults meaning the now 7 year old is kind of solo really. Not quite of an age whereby he can really join in and sit still for long periods, and not quite at adult convo levels yet. If just DH and I then fine, but if there are other adults there that we are trying to have a catch up with that is different.

You parent the child you have, and I always raise an eyebrow at these kind of faux naive posts because they blatantly are attempting to judge in a PC way, because how many parents really need help with how to respond to a perfectly normal scenario?

"Different families make different choices" has always been our mantra.

Yep absolutely am judging because it’s all very well saying « different families different choices » as if these choices have no impact on anyone else. But I guarantee these kids that are stuck on a screen any time it’s slightly inconvenient for the parent to interact with them, are the same children who in a few years time will arrive at school with social, communication and behaviour issues. And the parents will be completely at a loss why. So actually, these families’ rules’ have a huge impact on wider society. So I will continue to judge…

We went out for lunch a a child a few tables over was so engrossed in his colouring he was ignoring everyone and had a meltdown when he had to eat.

100% this. It’s a compete non issue and sounds like you’ve over focused on other people’s habits too much

Yep!

I literally couldn’t care less if a random
primary school teacher judged me. Not in the slightest. Why would anyone but those with very low self esteem give a crap?!

100% agree.

Tell her screens will make her dumb

Cannot stand the sight of iPads in restaurants. How did we manage before?
I 100% judge.

TBH OP, the fact that your four year old even has an iPad means you're already fighting a losing battle.

I don't think my four year old has ever even seen one.

This just about sums up the issues in a hilarious way!!

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHu8uHjM0Fz/?igsh=MXV0dzk1bzd1eXpiMQ=s

Secondary school teacher actually. And it’s parents like you that make our lives so much harder. What on earth has low self esteem got to do with it?

I’m working with kids that spend their whole weekend gaming and don’t go out. Screens are ruining their lives and the habit starts early. Please don’t come running to me to sort out all your child’s behavioural issues when it doesn’t work out for you how you thought it might.

Judge away, but it only makes you look small minded.

My 15 year old has autism and arfid (amongst many other conditions) taking his iPad means he is able to be part of family meals out, it goes away when he is eating but other than that he can use that (or the books, fidgets, colouring that are also in his bag) to help him regulate and enjoy the occasion. Generally he will be examining maps or researching his latest history obsession!

Bizarre response. A child with social / emotional/ behavioural difficulties as a result of poor parenting will be disadvantaged whether or not a primary school teacher judges the parent.

This 😂

Mealtimes are and have always been screen free, and I have two ASD children, doesn’t matter if we are out for a meal or in the house. The only way children learn how to behave in a restaurant is by showing them. I’m actually sick of seeing iPads everywhere! Toddlers in prams have them so their mums can shop in peace. We need to get used to the fact children make noise because they are children. Yes it means you have a few years of tough meals out but long term it pays off because you are then able to go out as a family and enjoy time chatting with each other and not be glued to devices. I am not against screens btw I have one child with a serious medical issue and spends a lot of time in hospital strapped to machines and there’s not much else she can do at that point but meal times are always protected if you like x

Dc are now teens and I am happy screens were not so popular when they were young. They usually coloured what ever the restaurant provided. We only went Nando’s or Frankie venues style restaurant where a tantrum wouldn’t be so bad. Both now happily sit in restaurants without their phones.

Absolutely. Parents are so scared that their kids might create a fuss or make a scene that they literally smother them with a screen before they get the opportunity to do so. Meaning the parent never learns to deal with their children’s tantrums effectively and the child never learns to sit with discomfort and start to regulate their emotions.

An awful vicious circle which simply intensifies to the point the kid can’t cope without having a screen to entertain them in any scenario that requires them to behave in a normal sociable way. We’re seriously f@cked as a society if these are the kids we’re bringing into the world.

I wouldn’t dream of asking a teacher to get involved in raising my child. They’re there to deliver an academic education. I am a much better parent to my child than they could ever be.

children who use iPads in restaurants aren’t extreme, it’s most children for the last 15 years. Don’t pretend all their parents are banging your door down insisting you sort out their behavioural issues

Have you ever set foot inside an SEN department? Teachers are leaving in droves because parents feel we are not doing enough for their children. It really is apparently all for us to sort out. If you think schools are there to deliver purely an ‘academic education’ you are either extremely ignorant or deluded.

And yes I have dealt with some EPIC meltdowns in public when they have become disregulated and have had people staring etc but I’m still here to tell the tale …. People can click their tongue at kids having a tantrum or asd kids having a meltdown all they like but it’s part of childhood and is a child communicating with you they are not happy about something and it’s up to us the parents to help them come back from that. I’m not proclaiming to be perfect absolutely far from it - I may have shouted at someone “you never seen an autistic meltdown before” a few times when they stare but who cares it helped my kids longer term not just frisbee an iPad to them

I don't think that implied that you weren't or shouldn't? 🤔

I judge plenty of stuff, it's human nature and how we decide who our 'pack' are. Generally though I look at the broader context of the family however, not just one element of it.

The different families, different choices is what I say to the kids when they ask why they can't have or do things that their peers can. It was my recommendation to the OP.