Screen time at restaurants

[SMLSML]

We've recently come back from a family holiday at Bluestone and when we went out for dinner both nights the majority of parents used screens at the table for their kids (ages probably from 1-10). We've never done this as our 4 year old has always been happy enough colouring or joining in with us but she's now started to notice other kids and asks for her tablet or to watch a show. To be clear I'm not judging other parents that do do this, it's more of how do we say no to our little one without her feeling like she's the only one and missing out. I don't want to give the tablet to her as I feel it means she doesn't learn to sit and engage plus if other kids weren't on them she wouldn't ask. As I said, I'm not judging as we do use screens for long journeys and other things, it's just how do we tell her why she can't, as 4 is still quite young to understand 😞

Honestly, I'd quite happily judge and just tell her it's called 'lazy parenting', and it's generally parents who can't be bothered to teach their young child to chat and learn social skills.

Call a spade a spade.

And if anyone disagrees I really don't care. It's utter crap and very sad watching kids on holiday glued to a screen and missing out on everything around them. Including the experience of eating a meal away from home that's paid for.

100% agree but you’re gonna be attacked for this 😂

Set an example by never having screens at the table at home when you all eat together and then it becomes normal to have conversation instead of opting out.

@EErrors Brace Brace 😄😄😄😃

It's not lazy parenting and it's not crap, like all areas of parenting there is a middle ground between the extremes of "none" and "all".

At home, we have a no devices at the table rule and phones/tablet don't come into the dining room at mealtimes, never mind get as far as the table. We talk about our day, share news, and hang out. On holiday, I'm much more relaxed. We will have spent the entire day together as a family doing activities, chatting and enjoying each others company. By the time it gets to teatime we all need some downtime so we can recharge our social battery a little bit ready for evening activities. I honestly don't mind DC having their devices at the table when we're on holiday and my only rule at that point is that they wear headphones if they're watching a video. When we return home, it's back to bo phones at the table.

I don't let my kids have a phone or tablet at the dinner table. I always take colouring books, games, playing cards etc. I hate to see kids on screens at dinner. It's a good opportunity to engage with them when life is so busy otherwise.

You're my hero!

We like talking to you. Some kids parents do not want to talk to their kids.

I am absolutely not criticising and know so many parents who use this phrase kindly and effectively, saving them a lot of time and energy (!), but I remember being a child and absolutely hating this- along with “I’m the parent, and you’re the child, so what I say goes.”

So, my alternative has always been giving age-appropriate explanations, as in-depth as they need to be to understand, so they get exactly why we do things the way we do.

OP, I would suggest, non-judgmentally ofc, having a talk about why you prefer not to use technology when you’re out and about. You might have to repeat it a few times, but eventually, she will understand, and it shouldn’t become a longterm issue because she’ll know the reasoning behind the decision.

We’re low/no tech, so it’s come up in the past.

So sad that families don't engage with their ex at the table. Don't give in op, you are doing the right thing. Just say to your dc "we don't watch screen at the table because we like to talk to each other". The saddest thing I say recently was a family of 5 and all were staring at screens individually whilst eating and not a word being said

@mariaberria

Well said!

I’m another who would happily judge. There is no need for screens at a dinner table. Tell your 4 year old anything. At least you’re conversing with her.

This is brilliant-love it. Technically you aren’t wrong. Screens are as proven to be as addictive as crack cocaine (watch the withdrawal consequences as you take one off a young child before they want you to), so yeah they do rot your brain.

I judge OP, don’t care to admit it. Keep doing what you’re doing. A 4 year old doesn’t need an iPad.

We’ve always had a no screens at the table rule. We rely a lot on screens in other ways more than typical Mumsnetters seem to but it’s always been a hard rule here. It does cause questions when we go out with nieces and nephews who are allowed screens but because we have stuck with it my 4yo has never put up too much of an argument and has the most impeccable table manners during a meal out. He will also tell DH off if he ever dares so much as to touch his phone at the table. As others have said it’s just about making clear your family rules.

Judgemental post

We have a no screens at table or bedroom rule in our house. Often in a restaurant my kids might bring a book because it can be a long wait. The youngest one might colour.
I would never judge a family for using screens at the table though. The child might be tired/hungry/cranky and finding the wait difficult. The parents my gave spent the whole day engaging and playing with the child and this might be their only chance to sit and relax.

We do watch some tv shows at home but don’t use any portable screens yet.
DC aged 3 does not really like colouring and is usually unimpressed when I bring out crayons and colouring book so it can be hard.

Some friends are totally screen-free and aghast that we watch films. Others are screen-happy and happily give their toddlers a tablet. Whilst it’s not brilliant I don’t think it is always lazy parenting (not disagreeing that it is sometimes but you are only seeing a snapshot of anyone’s day so I try not to judge).

We travel often by plane or train and don’t use screens but I am actually considering getting a tablet for long car journeys because that is more difficult for me to interact whilst driving safely.

We saw this on honeymoon (even worse when they were allowed to watch their bloody you tube crap without headphones 🤬)

I know parents want some downtime but why can't they colour/draw etc. I used to be expected to sit there and join in the conversation.

I'm pregnant atm and am planning on having no screens.

As people above have said my mum would have just said "well I'm not so and sos mummy"

@Errors love it may steal that one in the future 😂

Coming back from the honeymoon, it was a 10 hour flight. Now i get flying with children for that long must be challenging, but hearing a toddlers game, for the entire duration nearly drove me bloody demented. There was no "if you want to play the game either it's silent or you wear headphones" oh no we were in close proximity and "treated" to "let's do that again" and "it's too high, we might fall down". I nearly screamed! To add insult to injury, while we were waiting for everyone to get off, the iPad was rammed into my back, no apology from the toddlers parent. Not only that did the game go off? Oh no it stayed on the whole way to baggage reclaim!! As I say, I'd imagine it's hard keeping a toddler entertained cooped up for 10 hours but at least use mute/headphones!!

I definitely judge parents who let their kids use screens during a whole meal!
long journeys are totally different.

@MMugsyBalonz but there isn't middle ground when making a call on screens at the table. It's black or white. Yes or no. You've chosen yes.

I think that is wrong. For your children. For you. For the restaurant owner. For everyone else sitting in that restaurant around you and your family.

''Different families have different rules''.

We are more laid back on holidays so allow ipads at restaurants.
.

Why is it wrong for the restaurant owner and everyone else at the restaurant when the child has headphones in?

Because it's anti-social. Screens are anti-social. Even without sound.

And just for a moment, imagine if every table was like this. No one talking. Everyone staring at a screen.

Joy! Great for business. Great atmosphere. Not.

Did you read my post? I haven't chosen yes, I've chosen sometimes and within a specific set of circumstances - i.e., on holiday after spending the entire day doing family activities with the plan to spend the evening doing the same, I allow my DC (who are all older than 4) to have devices at the table precisely so that they can have a short break from socialising. DH and I sit and chat, they're free to join in with that if they choose to. Alternatively if they want to watch a video (headphones on) or read their kindle or do some maths games (one DC finds numbers grounding) then they can crack on and enjoy it, they're entitled to have a relax on holiday.

I couldn't give a shiny shite what you or anyone else thinks of it, especially when their 'norm' at home and at all other times is no screens at the table. While you're busy staring at everyone else and passing judgement, we'll be enjoying our meal and our holiday - careful you don't choke yourself from clutching your pearls so tightly.

People eat out for different reasons and they aren't always going to be for social reasons. Young children tend to be more excited and struggle to manage their emotions more on holiday so I'm happy to relax some rules and let them watch a screen at dinner, especially after a long, busy and sociable day.

Managing the 'atmosphere' of a restaurant isn't my responsibility, or my child's.