Mismatched sex drives issues

[Pops5]

Dh and I are currently working through a bad patch. We have been married 10y and we have two young kids under 6. I have a low sex drive, him high. It has always been a bit of a contentious issue but now exacerbated by being knackered all the time. About 3m ago we were on the verge of separation but we have both been in therapy and managed to bring things round. Dh agreed to lower expectations / reduce pressure. Things have been better.

Lately he has been complaining that he is often frustrated and never has time to relieve himself (something his therapist suggested he needs to do more often) then last week he asked me if I would mind if he did it in bed! to which I replied an expletive and he got the message. He then mentioned it again and said he thought it would bring us closer together and I could possibly join in and help him!?

I explained that the frustration was nothing to do with me and it was his problem to solve himself.

Explained again that if this is going to work I need to feel - no pressure whatsoever - to be intimate with him. I am feeling particularly shit right now, completely burnt out and waiting to go on antidepressants. Not feeling sexy at all.

Now he has said can I please stop making sexual jokes or innuendos and can I stop looking when he is getting changed as this is apparently mixed messages and confusing for him.

Feels very cut your nose off to spite your face. Aibu to be outraged?

Oh no, yet another massive drip feed.

Same.
I couldn't live with someone who was disgusted by me (as clearly the OP is by her DH) and I wouldn't want a sexless marriage.
I don't think the OP should be forced into sex when she doesn't want it either. It's just pointless continuing. It's a total mismatch and I can feel the dislike for the husband throughout the OPs posts. I don't think you can come back from that.

It is mixed messages
Also quite childish

I agree you sound incompatible to be honest. It sounds like you don’t find him attractive? I suspect he feels you don’t. Is it that you genuinely have low libido or just that you don’t fancy him that much? I honestly get the vibe it’s the latter… I also think it sounds like his sex drive dominates the backdrop of your marriage. I don’t think that is reasonable and there is more to marriage and life, than sex. Equally it’s not fair if you don’t fancy him, don’t want to have sex with him on a fairly regular basis, and yet don’t want to separate. If this is the true context I think you are both better off separating.

Both DH and I masturbate in bed next to each other on a semi regular basis. Sometimes one or the other, sometimes together. Sometimes we ‘help each other out’. All part of being in a normal loving relationship.
And yes his frustration does have something to do with you. Again if you are in a good relationship you work to meet each others needs.

If the coercive control means you don't feel safe enough to have the sex you want with him, then let him go.

Yup we would. And do. Regularly. And we have a great sex life in general.

Well that's the difference between you and OP and her husband. They don't have a sex life, she sounds totally sex repulsed right now. Him wanking in the bed beside her is the last thing she needs and it would disgust me too if I were her.

I think YANBU OP but you need to seriously reconsider staying in this relationship. Start with a few hard truths. Are you actually still attracted to your husband?

But @Sherararara wasn't actually talking to the OP there? She was replying to someone who asked, in general, if ANY woman would be OK with it. She wasn't suggesting that the OP had to enjoy it.

Yeah I totally understand watching your partner touching themselves and can see the appeal, I meant if I were laid there reading a book/trying to sleep and he decided to go at it!

Can't see a problem with that at all either tbh.