To be terrified dd might have Adhd?

[AttentionDeficitAndSquirrel]

Dd is 8 years old and in year 4. She's born end of August so maybe age plays a factor here as well.

She's showing more and more signs of adhd:

-Never sits still (unless she's reading or watching videos). She is always moving on the spot or dancing around. Even a friend of hers recently asked her why she was moving so muxh while telling a story.

• very easy to distract. If there is anything in her environment to distract her then she will get distracted by her own thoughts. She is so day dreamy. As a consequence she is incredibly slow. Getting ready for anything or doing anything takes much longer than it should because she starts day dreaming after or during every step or gets distracted. I have to keep pushing and reminding her to do the next step.

• she used to do very well at school but now that a bit of homework and working at home is expected she js starting to lag behind. The teachers have started sending work home that she hasnt finished in school. But rhen because she is so slow she has very little time left at home to do even more work. Right from year 1 every teacher has commented on her slow pace of working though they haven't raised any other concerns. However she goes to private school (as struggled to cope with the large number of kids in her first state school). I don't think this much would be expected of her at a state school.

• she has always struggled with sleep. it takes her very long to fall asleep no matter how tired she is it takes between 30min to 1.5h. She is so difficult to wake in the morning so she definitely needs more sleep.

• she struggles with eating and very poor weight gain. Dh and me think she might have arfid. It's getting better though and maybe not related to adhd but i wanted to throw it out there anyway.

• she loves reading and if she had more time she'd just spend it reading. She reads the same books over and over again. She will read new books if they are the type she likes but if she doesn't have a new book she will read an old book for the 10th time or so rather than doing something else. It's very difficult to get her to stop reading or just to get her attention.

• she talks nonstop (unless she is reading or watching something)

• she isnt as skilled socially as her peers. She isn't exactly shy and she has a few friends but sometimes I feel she struggles when it comes to joining a group or making friends. She also won't compromise on what she wants to do, e.g. won't join a game if she thinks it's boring and she would always rather read than make the effort.

• she has a very, very vivid imagination, which sometimes scares her.

• I am diagnosed with adhd and there is a very large genetic factor when it comes to adhd. I was diagnosed as an adult though and sometimes I doubt my diagnosis.

I keep thinking that maybe her 'symptoms' can be explained away by her being sleep deprived, the youngest in the class or just because I'm so chaotic and disorganised and if I could get my shit together and provide a well organised environment she wouldn't struggle with many of these. I don't know.

I know adhd or not I need to be more organised myself and provide a more adhd friendly environment but I'm absolutely shit scared that it won't be enough. The only thing that has helped me with some of my symptoms is medication but I know from personal experience how hard it is to find the right medication and the right dose. I went through hell every time i restarted my medication. I hate the meds. I hate how I feel on them. They don't help with everything and they don't last long enough. But if you have adhd then there isn't a better alternative. I just don't want this for her. I don't want her to struggle how i have struggled and still am every day. I just don't want this for her. At the same time I know I can't bury my head in the sand and just let her struggle. It's not a massive problem at the moment but if she doesn't grow out of this stuff it will soon be. I'm also worried that if she does get diagnosed people (including her) will blame me for giving it to her ajd I know it will be an uphill battle for dh to accept if she needs medication.

This is getting too long and I'm just ranting. I guess my main question is does this sound like adhd? Did anyone have kids who were similar at this age and did they get diagnosed with adhd or did they grow out of it? What helped to deal with the symptoms besides medication? At what age did you start meds and how did your kids cope with the side effect?

Yanbu: yes, this sounds like adhd and you should the ball rolling asap to get her some help.

Yabu: no it doesn't sound like adhd or its better to wait and see while fiddling around with the environment to make things easier for her.

Thank you.

I would be inclined to ask for a referral. I understand your concern but I also think that using emotive language like that with yourself is probably unhelpful and, dare I say, your ADHD talking. There are plenty of people out there with ADHD and ASD (myself included) who live perfectly good lives with very minor adjustments. I still read the same books over and over. So what? I immensely enjoy them. Is it really such a bad thing?
Diagnosis in childhood probably leads to better outcomes overall because there is a lot more support available at that age. Not only medication but also occupational and psychological therapy. She will likely need some coping strategies and adaptations but that's OK. As an adult, you may not have had the same input and had to figure it out yourself which is what makes your experience more difficult. But it doesn't mean hers has to be.

ETA: My grandfather and my mother have ASD. Never in my life has it occurred to me to blame them for giving it to me!

It does sound like it to me... sounds just like my DD1 who was very bright but has ADHD.
It doesn't sound like your meds are right for you though...if yours were working for you, you wouldn't feel so scared of her possibly needing them, and you might feel more positive.
My dd1 has been on them since she was 7..she's just turned 33! Without her meds she's a chaotic , anxious mess: on them she's fantastic although she also relies heavily on lists, alarms and routine.
She's a doctor herself now (a GP!) and she would never have achieved her potential without meds, and she has had to try several to get the right combination that works.
If I were you I would at least try to have her assessed, as this may take ages, that way if she does have ADHD there is time to get support before secondary school... if not, well you haven't lost anything by trying.
If she had a different condition that could be treated you'd medicate. ADHD is no different !
My DD had no side affects really... she is thin, was always thin and always will be but she has ARFID as well since she was a toddler. Other than that, no issues!

I would also get her assessed. ADHD in girls in teens can lead to all sorts of issues and it can be medicated, if need be. Some of the most creative and talented people in the world have ADHD, especially in the Arts. Your DD sounds very creative and imaginative and wonderful to me! But yes, I would seek a referral and diagnosis for self awareness and coping strategies around organisation/overwhelm. Sometimes people with ADHD are more likely to become addicted to things as well. It is good to get a diagnosis to know and manage. However, I personally really do not see ADHD as an inherently bad thing at all, try and get away from that.

I'm not against medication. I take them myself and wouldn't be able to hold down a job without them. Also based on all the research I did when I was diagnosed there is no better alternative treatment available.

However, stimulants aren't like e.g. anti biotics or insulin where you take them and in most cases they just quietly do their job. It's quite hard to find the right one, to get the dosing right and the side effects are quite brutal. Of course maybe they aren't for everyone but for me everytime I restarted them I went through six months of terrible anxiety, mood swings and just feeling horrible. Even now I still feel very flat and just unpleasant when they wear off. Also, even the extended release ones don't provide enough coverage to last for most of the day and they don't help with everything. They don't help with procrastination, which is one of the biggest problems with adhd I think. They help you focus but they don't help with focusing on the right thing.

Also specific to dd she already is severely underweight and hates eating. It's a daily struggle getting enough food into her. Most stimulants kill your appetite. I'm not sure we can risk that.

Terrified is a bit of an overreaction OP. Ask for a referral, or pay for a private one if you can afford it and don't want to wait years for an assessment. My teenage dds are both neurodivergent and whilst life is different in our house it's really not something to be terrified about.

You are unreasonable to be “terrified” that she has ADHD. She has been born in a time where things like this are actually properly recognised, and she has a mum who appears to be rather knowledgeable on the subject and obviously wants to do the best for her. If she does have adhd her experience will be very different to your own. It sounds like it could be. Start pushing to get her assessed now. You can expect to be on a waiting list for at least three years so no time like the present to get started.

“Also specific to dd she already is severely underweight and hates eating. It's a daily struggle getting enough food into her. Most stimulants kill your appetite. I'm not sure we can risk that”

On the food front, you really want to be upping her protein intake, especially in the mornings. Have you seen the GP about this? Natural forms like eggs, avocado etc are good, but you may have to look at getting a dietician referral from the GP. Have you tried this yet? Normally they are meant to start putting on some weight around 8 and muscle mass, even if tiny build. I would pursue the diet tract in parallel.

And also OP just so you know dietary deficiencies like anaemia can mimic ADHD symptoms.

get the diagnosis then you can see how to help her whether its meds or not, as someone who was diagnosed late last year as an adult being diagnosed as a child would have made a massive difference to me however ADHD in girls apparently didnt happen in the 80s and 90s

I don’t want to make things worse, but given what you said about ARFID and her social skills issues, you probably need a combined ADHD and ASD assessment.

I’d try to challenge your thinking. Sounds like meds haven’t been hugely successful for you, but they are for many people. Your DD could be one of those in the future!

My DD is almost exactly the same, however we have come a long way with food. Same age, late summer baby too.

My DD is managing at school well, and the GP said it had to be school who see and refer, who wouldnt. So I'm in limbo wondering if she does have it and I can expect a full breakdown in her teens or if she'll just grow out of things.

If you can get her referred, it won't do her any harm. You can always take her off the list in the future, but you'll know for certain if she's assessed.

I would be 100% going to the GP on the eating side. You know the difficulties ADHD brings which is why your feeling so scared of it but it can also be a blessing, there's nothing more exciting and wonderful than the world my DD can sit and verbally create to me - it's like going to narnia sometimes. I'd love her to write books.

It's a terrible thing for most people. Of course it's not the worst that you can have but it is very disabling. Fundamentally not being able to do the things you know you need to do makes for a very hard life.

I remember reading that about 60% of people with adhd suffer from at least one Co morbid with the most common co morbids being depression and anxiety. Maybe there is a genetic link for all of them co occurring but I can also imagine that just having to deal with the symptoms is depressing and anxiety inducing.

Yes, of course some of the symptoms lend themselves to certain pursuits but I think if you look at the statistics you will find more people with adhd who have had a difficult life than a good one. Prisons are disproportionately populated with people with adhd and addictions are very common.

Of course, she is wonderful. She would be wonderful also without these symptoms. I just don't want her life to be hard.

I say this kindly, as a mum awaiting assessment for ADHD with two possibly ADHD kids: I think maybe you'd benefit from some talking therapy because you're not talking very kindly about yourself here. If my best friend was talking like this I'd give her head a wobble.

You sound like a fantastic caring mum. And you might not be able to provide the perfectly organized home environment that is so fashionable on insta these days, but I bet you're fun and emotionally available and creative. Your daughter sounds wonderful. I don't want to say "ADHD can be a superpower" because god knows it's horrendous at times but to wish it away is to wish our personalities away.

Your daughter sounds just like me when I was little. I'm a happy grown woman with two kids and a very successful career. I'm sure she'll be OK with you in her corner. I wish I'd been diagnosed young so I'd known it's not just about me listening better, working harder to take care of things and not lose them etc.

My boys started meds for ADHD aged 9. Very quick and easy to find the right dose. One had a tummy ache for 2 weeks, the other had no side effects whatsoever.

They do have an impact on appetite which is good for our eldest as he has compulsive eating. He takes them every day except some of the school holidays (he will take them when he wants to do a lot of homework).

The youngest only takes his on days he's in school.

We're in France where you need a Drs note to be able to have a packed lunch at school. Being on the meds meant we could get one cos DS2 is already really fussy about food. Our Dr told us to put food that would really tempt him in the lunch box.

However ours are on meds that release slowly over 8hours. You can see a real difference in their behaviour and appetite once the 8 hours have worn off! They eat a good breakfast, take the meds, and catch up on eating in the evening.

My August born 18 year old has ADHD and school were not helpful at all and constantly dismissed it as immaturity. In my experience, school will only consider helping get a diagnosis if the child is violent towards adults and/or peers and struggling academically so I had to pay privately for an assessment. I had to pick a place that the school (council?) recognises the results from because not all providers are apparently considered legitimate.

I wish I acted sooner but I believed the whole August born spiel.

YABU to be 'terrified' about it.

Start the diagnosis process. You know she ticks a lot of boxes for adhd.

A diagnosis gives you options for medication (if and when you feel it appropriate to try). It could also potentially provide more support and understanding at school and socially.

Don't be terrified. It's challenging and not what you would wish for but it's not the end of the world.

Going off on a tangent though my adhd teen also says they don't like how the meds make them feel but they aren't really able to communicate what they feel. I'd love an adult insight to the effect the meds have. She's prescribed Elvanse as an alternative to Medikinet which she also rejected. It's rare that she takes it though.

age 8 is very common in girls to start to struggle with things linked to a mind that is neuro-diverse is my understanding. Their hormonal development starts to kick in and the gap in emotional development becomes more noticeable. My DD sounds very very similar to what you have described, also Aug born, she had an autism diagnosis at 10yr but is also definitely adhd just not diagnosed as out of ms school now and it’s harder to get it. It will not get easier as teenage hormones kick in but she is also not you. Her difficulties will be different or could be similar to yours you won’t know unless you start the assessment process. Wait lists on the nhs are years, right to choose has made it easier but often your still waiting 2yrs + for the nhs to cover the meds. So I would put aside your needs and thoughts and focus on getting the best support in place for her now. And get some more support for yourself. Good luck my DD is thriving in HomeEd now.

Strangely, caffeine can help treat the symptoms of ADHD in some people, and you might feel happier about giving your DD traditiinal caffeine-containing drinks rather than medication. Don't go down the Red Bull route (energy drinks contain other substances as well as caffeine, which may not be suitable for kids), but try her with a small cup of milky tea or coffee each day, perhaps with a small amount of sugar or honey, and see how she gets on with it.

Terrified ? Bit over the top.
I have ADHD and possibly autism.
It's not ideal. I'm not mediacated.
Went to Uni. Professional.

I'd get the school and your GP started with the referral process for ADHD. The restricted eating and social skills might indicate ASD so it's worth asking for a referral there as well. Some community paediatrics will accept one referral for both. DD has ASD/OCD and DS has adhd so I've been through this.

It does sound as though she may have mixed type ADHD. Part of adhd can involve processing issues and that might be something to explore as it sounds like she's struggling with school work. It could also be that her desk/class environment is just too distracting, or she needs the work and instructions broken into smaller chunks.

Whilst waiting for a referral maybe focus on getting a plan together to ask school for more support? Write a list of things to discuss with them. You've done reading about your adhd so you'll know that early intervention and scaffolding a child with adhd gives them a better opportunity to learn good coping skills.

Sounds like you need a meds review. I had one on them as a child, still on them as an adult and they love them. They explain it like needing glasses as everything is foggy and you can’t see clearly, then someone gives you a pair of glasses so you can’t see clearly. They say it’s the same but with their brain. Why do you talk about restarting, are you stopping and starting? Maybe that’s the issue.

My child was well under the 3 centile for weight and over the 90 for height. That’s before they went on meds as a child. Yes, once on meds it decreased appetite, ate no lunch of food in the day, we just gave them dinner way later in the night after they had worn off, they ate that. No problems, kids are very hardy creatures. Despite being a little skeleton they had boundless energy, played sports, never physically ill etc. Their specialist was fine with it. They grew up to be a healthy adult, still really thin, still tall, still don’t eat of a day, still have a late dinner where they eat well. They expect if they have kids, they will likely also have ADHD, this does not worry them, let alone terrify them.

eta - yes also to melatonin. Was a godsaver when they were young. It wore off in their teens, no effect at a point but then not an issue as they get by happily on very little sleep, not tired at all due to it, just don’t need it. But at the age it had no effect they were past the age they needed an adult to stay up with them so no issue for us either.

Sounds like she almost definitely has ADHD and very possibly autism too? Girls can mask it really well.

Absolutely get her on an assessment pathway. There are non stimulant medications too, and melatonin for sleep so don’t worry that she’ll be put straight into stimulants with no discussion. Her weight and eating will absolutely be taken into consideration when prescribing medication.

Yanbu: yes, this sounds like adhd and you should the ball rolling asap to get her some help.

^This. Get the referral going although with the state of things, I’d go private for the assessment and then do a shared care agreement so post-diagnosis treatment is on the NHS.

Your DD won’t suffer the way you did because you had to cope with undiagnosed ADHD until you were an adult. She will have access to support you did not have. What should be terrifying is the thought that you bury your head in the sand like your parents did and she goes through what you did.

She is also a new person so medication might not cause the same side effects as for you.

I would also go for assessment as the eating issues could be an eating disorder which would need help sooner rather than later. I have a DD with ASD, Dyslexia and Anorexia.

Can I recommend this book for restricted eating:
https://amzn.eu/d/5f3jg5j

My DD has ASD and has always had restricted eating. It has driven me to tears over the years but this book helped me hugely in dialling down my anxiety about it. DD still only eats certain textures, nothing touching etc but as I'm calmer she has found it easier to sometimes try new foods.