To be terrified dd might have Adhd?

[AttentionDeficitAndSquirrel]

Dd is 8 years old and in year 4. She's born end of August so maybe age plays a factor here as well.

She's showing more and more signs of adhd:

-Never sits still (unless she's reading or watching videos). She is always moving on the spot or dancing around. Even a friend of hers recently asked her why she was moving so muxh while telling a story.

• very easy to distract. If there is anything in her environment to distract her then she will get distracted by her own thoughts. She is so day dreamy. As a consequence she is incredibly slow. Getting ready for anything or doing anything takes much longer than it should because she starts day dreaming after or during every step or gets distracted. I have to keep pushing and reminding her to do the next step.

• she used to do very well at school but now that a bit of homework and working at home is expected she js starting to lag behind. The teachers have started sending work home that she hasnt finished in school. But rhen because she is so slow she has very little time left at home to do even more work. Right from year 1 every teacher has commented on her slow pace of working though they haven't raised any other concerns. However she goes to private school (as struggled to cope with the large number of kids in her first state school). I don't think this much would be expected of her at a state school.

• she has always struggled with sleep. it takes her very long to fall asleep no matter how tired she is it takes between 30min to 1.5h. She is so difficult to wake in the morning so she definitely needs more sleep.

• she struggles with eating and very poor weight gain. Dh and me think she might have arfid. It's getting better though and maybe not related to adhd but i wanted to throw it out there anyway.

• she loves reading and if she had more time she'd just spend it reading. She reads the same books over and over again. She will read new books if they are the type she likes but if she doesn't have a new book she will read an old book for the 10th time or so rather than doing something else. It's very difficult to get her to stop reading or just to get her attention.

• she talks nonstop (unless she is reading or watching something)

• she isnt as skilled socially as her peers. She isn't exactly shy and she has a few friends but sometimes I feel she struggles when it comes to joining a group or making friends. She also won't compromise on what she wants to do, e.g. won't join a game if she thinks it's boring and she would always rather read than make the effort.

• she has a very, very vivid imagination, which sometimes scares her.

• I am diagnosed with adhd and there is a very large genetic factor when it comes to adhd. I was diagnosed as an adult though and sometimes I doubt my diagnosis.

I keep thinking that maybe her 'symptoms' can be explained away by her being sleep deprived, the youngest in the class or just because I'm so chaotic and disorganised and if I could get my shit together and provide a well organised environment she wouldn't struggle with many of these. I don't know.

I know adhd or not I need to be more organised myself and provide a more adhd friendly environment but I'm absolutely shit scared that it won't be enough. The only thing that has helped me with some of my symptoms is medication but I know from personal experience how hard it is to find the right medication and the right dose. I went through hell every time i restarted my medication. I hate the meds. I hate how I feel on them. They don't help with everything and they don't last long enough. But if you have adhd then there isn't a better alternative. I just don't want this for her. I don't want her to struggle how i have struggled and still am every day. I just don't want this for her. At the same time I know I can't bury my head in the sand and just let her struggle. It's not a massive problem at the moment but if she doesn't grow out of this stuff it will soon be. I'm also worried that if she does get diagnosed people (including her) will blame me for giving it to her ajd I know it will be an uphill battle for dh to accept if she needs medication.

This is getting too long and I'm just ranting. I guess my main question is does this sound like adhd? Did anyone have kids who were similar at this age and did they get diagnosed with adhd or did they grow out of it? What helped to deal with the symptoms besides medication? At what age did you start meds and how did your kids cope with the side effect?

Yanbu: yes, this sounds like adhd and you should the ball rolling asap to get her some help.

Yabu: no it doesn't sound like adhd or its better to wait and see while fiddling around with the environment to make things easier for her.

Thank you.

Very good.
Me too.
Masked all my youth to survive, now I don't give a crap.
🍀

So, I have adhd. Diagnosed as adult, medicated eight months now. Have tried two types of meds. Whilst I am not minimising your experience, I haven't had any particular side effects with my meds, except too "speedy" feeling with first meds and irritability as they stopped working around teatime. When I changed to elvanse it was a miracle drug. So please don't think your reaction to meds is how everyone works. Plus emotional deregulation is a typical symptom and catastrophising is part of theat and that's how your post reads.

in regards to your daughter, she may have arfid, I have a child with arfid. You allow them to eat what they will even if they have the same thing three times a day forever. Introduce vitamin gummies. Don't make mealtimes a battleground. You don't say what she will eat, there may be ways to introduce more calories but I couldn't comment without knowing her safe foods.

Caffeine and sugar is often a way to self medicate adhd. My adhd daughter (waiting on meds assesment) finds a can of coke before school can help her regulate slightly. Also things like sitting at the front of class, whiteboards next to her to have step by step instructions of what she needs to do, and noise cancelling ear phones/loop earplugs. She also has a pass to leave class and walk around the quad if she needs a movement break or need to regulate due to over stimulation.

start the process now, get a referral done. It takes years and years for kids and anything you can do now to ease transition to high school in a few years will be worth its weight in gold. Trust me as I had two children go up to high school without referrals/assesments/diagnosis (they've since got them, other one autistic) and the fallout has been massive and ongoing five years later.

Don't use emotive language around either yours or her suspected adhd. It's just a difference in brain development. Yes it makes "normal" "boring" "routine" adult life extremely hard, however chances are you have a wealth of abilities and if your daughter is the same and she grows up understanding her strengths and weaknesses, she (and you) can shape her life to work for her strengths. Your experience as an undiagnosed child/adolescent/adult, DO NOT have to be hers.

Why has my reply been hidden until @mnhq can have a look at it????

took me bloody ages to write that all out 😂

You absolutely need to start the process of possible assessment and also to identify things that might help her to manage better. DS was only diagnosed at the age of 11, but even younger we had tools in place that helped somewhat. Eg at school teachers using lists and visual aids to support his learning (mostly to help him remember the list of tasks to complete), fidget toys (not helpful for him but lots of children DID find them helpful), proactively supporting her to move when needed in classroom and at home etc.

Also, some of the anxiety and mental health issues you face may well be because your ADHD was only dealt with by th etime you were an adult, and by then a lot of the damage to your self esteem was done. Seeking some therapy, ideally by a therapist who works routinely with ND people, could be helpful. At the saime time, medicating your dd might be very helpful in preventing that happening to her. Certainly, I see that DS' emotional and mental well being are significantly better since diagnosis and medication. In part because he understands better what's happening and in part because certain things are not so difficlt for him any more. I think personally that while I'm thrilled at his improved academics etc, its the emotional and mental stability I'm most pleased about!

Finally, re-reading favourite books is completely normal and age appropriate. Don't worry about that at all!!!

Honestly she sounds a lot like me as a kid.

I have been diagnosed with mild ADHD but am not medicated and am not currently planning to do anything about it.

I still struggle with procrastination in particular but I have done well in my academic and professional life by most people's standards.

If you can get a diagnosis and some proper support during her childhood then so much the better. But terrified is a bit of an extreme reaction. There are many adults out there who are just like your DD, don't have a label attached to the way they are, and have done just fine.

No insights regarding ADHD but falling asleep in general - one daughter enjoyed listening to audio books (cassette tapes in her day!) and fell asleep to those. These were often the same ones over and over again because we only had so many tapes. Perhaps a story you know is 'comforting' but not over-stimulating which might be a good thing. (We thought this was a nice way to settle down to sleep - second daughter wasn't interested!). Might be worth a try?

I'm an end of August 'baby'. 28th.

I'm 53. I have ADHD.

I could take offence at your post, but I won't, because you're panicking.

What are you worried about?

OP, you know there is non-stimulant prescription medication available for ADHD, right?!
Medication is not the go to for everyone.
Yes, if you suspect your child has ADHD, then of course it would be sensible to put her forward for assessment.
I think being terrified is a tad melodramatic.

I have ADHD myself and intense emotions can be part of it when we hyper focus on something. OP’s terror is likely a byproduct of her hyper focusing and worrying about her DD- she can’t help it.

Could you say a bit more about this? My daughter has ADHD and is currently struggling to keep on weight, she's extremely picky about food and I really struggle to find things she will eat. She's always been a bit of a picky eater but there was always something she would eat, but at 12 she is going through a growth spurt I think, and is struggling to eat enough. I'd be grateful for any ideas.

Same 😂

She might have ADHD. But a child being the youngest in their class makes them much much more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. She may simply be young.

And it impacts everyone differently it might not be something thst terrifies you based on how it impacts your daughters but it's still a disability and yoy cannot speak for everyone or how they should feel.

And some won't have done, these threads always go the same way everybody being offended and not trying to empathise that diagnosis, s such as ADHD affect everyone differently.

OP, I know it's really hard and it could feel like life has dealt your DD a 'bad hand' because you've struggled with your ADHD, but as an ADHD mother with two ADHD kids, I think it's a blessing in many ways. I understand most of their issues in a way a NT parent wouldn't necessarily be able to do, because I remember those exact feelings at 6, 10, 15, so have been able to teach them tools and methods of coping that I was never shown. You'll have valuable empathy for her struggles and feelings.

My older ADHD child is so much calmer in their teens than we expected, because they use the methods and tools (weighted blankets, cardio, breathing exercises, pomodoro technique for tidying etc) and I can see my younger one beginning to pick them up too. Sometimes ADHD is a pain in the backside, but sometimes it's about seeing its value too - there are plenty of theories of it surviving through evolution because it has a useful side.

Try not to worry! Save the worry for when you need it, or you're just doing it twice. In the meantime, get therapy if you can for how you feel about yourself, and look into reading up on parenting ADHD children. There's so much more research and understanding now, which means many ADHD children/teens don't always need meds in the way adults who never got support or hacks really do.

However you may feel about it, the referral process on the NHS of you choose to go down that route will be either accepted or rejected based on level of need in an educational setting. In other words the school would have to be the ones to get that ball rolling. If she has to be accommodated more than other children in general at school because of her needs then there might be a chance for the referral to be accepted and to have an assessment. You can speak to school and even if you don’t get to the referral stage as they might not seem her needs high enough for that, they can still offer support plans and reasonable adjustments if your daughter should need them.

If you choose to go down the private route then that’s a different pathway.

ADHD is a difficult one to refer and diagnose in general because of the obvious issue with many traits being common in childhood. Fussy or restricted eating is also not exclusive to those who are ND. My child is ND and a great eater for example. There has to be enough atypical traits to meet the criteria for a diagnosis and it’s just notoriously difficult with ADHD unless the child is clearly having by to be have a different or specialist approach in a school setting.

There's always such a rush to medicalise and diagnose children for conditions are far as I can see are made up labels for some traits. She'll be fine without needing a label.

Strong advice for anyone noticing primary age ND traits- look into it asap before secondary.

Please be reassured OP it will be OK whatever the diagnosis. Much easier to know what her needs are than worrying and guessing. You are being very on the ball to be picking this up now while she’s young. That will really help her because you have more to work out what she needs and can hopefully get her into a secondary school environment that works for her. Wishing you both the best.

*more time

I’m going to go against the grain here and say I totally understand you being terrified.

my ds got diagnosed with adhd at 6. He’s been on meds ever since (he’s nearly 8) and I’m very worried for his future.

how the hell is he ever going to be a fully functioning adult when he needs telling 100 times to do each task? He loses and is careless with his stuff. I worry he won’t be able to hold down a job if he’s not going to be able to get his act together.

he needs someone sat with him at school for 90% of the time otherwise he switches off (unless it’s a subject that interests him).

by the time we get to school, I’ve simply had enough for the day. He’s good once the meds have kicked in (they take at least an hour) and he’s calm etc but quite frankly he’s a PITA when they have worn off.

homework? Forget it! The meds have worn off by then and it’s a nightmare to get him to do even 10 mins of his reading book.

Paediatrician won’t give him the 12 hour lasting ones (he’s on 8 hour ones) as his appetite isn’t great.

we have lists, timers etc and he needs telling a million times to check and do his list etc.

im exhausted with him and adhd is bloody well draining so it’s very reasonable to be terrified for the future.

“Could you say a bit more about this? My daughter has ADHD and is currently struggling to keep on weight, she's extremely picky about food and I really struggle to find things she will eat. She's always been a bit of a picky eater but there was always something she would eat, but at 12 she is going through a growth spurt I think, and is struggling to eat enough. I'd be grateful for any ideas.”

The NHS has ARFID clinics in my area who offer advice. It may have moved on since we have been and ours was not a difficult case. We think it was triggered by GERD (reflux as a baby). The advice was primarily to be child led, let them have a list of safe foods, that can change and offer from that list at all times with no judgment, but eat meals together and in our case, we really had to try hard to incorporate protein with every single meal. Thankfully our DC did not reject eggs in some forms, for example. We had deficiencies confirmed by blood tests in iron and Vitamin D which can really exacerbate the ADHD symptoms.
What helped for us is watching food programmes (Jaimie Oliver also has ADHD) and cooking and baking with them, with no judgment on whether food is then eaten. Oh and food online shopping also helped in our case, food growing, making bread, picking berries, essentially rewiring their brain into positive associations with food but with zero pressure.
Safe foods can change very quickly and again, no judgment. Luckily we also had a family member who specialises in nutrition and that helped us regulate especially around period times.

Every child is different but my DS1 is so different at 13 to how he was at 10, 8, 6 and younger. I never would have believed it was possible but he has matured so much and become really responsible. I still need to chivvy him along in the morning, but he talks about how distracted he gets from screens etc. So voluntarily puts his chromebook (needed for school) in a different room when he does his homework! When he needs the chromebook for his homework, it takes him so much longer and recently he's started asking me to come in every 20-30 minutes or so to help keep him on track. Yes its annoying for me but miles better than when he was 8 and screaming at me for hours every evening because of homework and trying to jump out of the window ....

I would not be terrified about it. You are picking it up whilst she is young and has the opportunity to be guided by you with coping mechanisms and the choice of medication. As ADHD is hereditery and you have a diagnosis, it is quite likely she has it too. Start the diagnosis process as soon as you can.

Hi OP,

As others have already said it sounds like an assessment might be helpful. I lead an nhs AdHd clinic for children and also complete ASD assessments. From what you’ve described I would actually be considering Autism as the primary question, and then thinking about ADHD too, although all of what you’ve said fits under an ASD profile (and some parts can also cross across both ASD and ADHD). Like you said, with a family history there is a strong genetic link but it’s not diagnosis specific, so your daughter may well have neurodiversity of some description.

You need to see a paediatrician if you think your daughter has arfid, it can be very serious. Usually young people with Arfid have up to about 8 safe foods and then are unable to eat anything else at all, or any changes to presentation would potentially exclude that food from the safe list forever. Some young people end up needing support with tube feeding at points. If your child fits with this you need to see someone. Most young people with ASD are very specific about food presentation and have a restrictive diet, with restricted numbers of food but not quite as restrictive to meet the arfid criteria, but generally we would still advise seeing a dietitian.

It looks like you’re thinking s lot about medication as treatment, and whilst this is an option we probably wouldn’t recommend this as a first line treatment, especially given her age. Usually we like to see some work with a psychologist to make all of the environmental changes needed before even beginning to think about medication, and even then it requires very close monitoring. And by the above we would be thinking a god year post diagnosis for all necessary changes in school and home to be made first. At the moment my clinic are not offering medication as an option unless in quite substantial cases of distress.

In the first instance I would suggest speaking with school about a referral. Or your GP if school are not helpful. If you think the wait is too long you could always consider private but make sure you are seeing a reputable company.