I'm really broken right now, I have been with DH for 9 years now we have 3 DC under 5, I had my 3rd child just 6 months ago. To the outside world we have a pretty good life. DH goes to work while I stay at home and take care of DC, taking them to school, nursery. Doing the housework, cooking etc.
My mum does help out alot too with school runs or cooking since I have had the baby.
But what Seems to the outside world as perfect we are far from that tbh. Since the start i have been through abuse at the hands of him, whether it be physical, emotional or sexual. Mostly when I have answered him back on his big headed ways for example i have to leave the house with no skin showing or he has to pick a certain outfit and force me to wear it. I had to live with his ways and fulfil his needs. DH is a narcissist and has belittled me so much im emotionally scarred, telling me I'm not good enough due to me having anxiety, I'm not capable like other women, no one would accept me if I left him. There's been times where I have been left to just cry on the floor because I believed his words 💔 I can't speak about another male if I do its probably cause he thinks I'm having an affair, if someone's coming over to do the maintenance work he has to call up a family member to come watch over me because I might run away with the guy. For context I have never cheated and since being married to Dh I can't look another man in the eye that's how shaken I am. He really thinks little of women and has an attitude that women are only good for sex.
He will constantly look through my phone and monitor my every step. Even though I have never done anything to cause any sort of suspicion. But he himself will never openly give me his phone because apparently he doesn't want me to see his male friends. However when I'm speaking to my mum or sister he will burst in to the room trying to listen in on my conversations, I feel like I've been stripped of my privacy and rights as a human.
On the weekends, we both go and do the shopping together and he is constantly telling me your lucky no other husband would spend time with his wife like this.
The one thing I can say is DH is not financially abusive and we have joint accounts, his wages all go in those accounts. He tells me you can use the money I work for you and the children, I'm not like other men out there. I do however keep up with all bill/ rent payments as he is useless with that stuff. If he has contracts with phones etc he is always telling me to call them up to cancel them for him or book him GP appointments whenever he needs to see the doctor.
When he gets home he plays games and sits all the way through it during lunch, dinner, maybe sometimes the night. It's like I have to book an appointment everytime I want to speak to him, because he doesn't like being disturbed. I do the cooking, cleaning, feeding the children, all while carrying a crying, teething baby. It's difficult when I'm trying to tend to the toddlers who are very over active and feeding a crying baby. It gets so much that I have to beg him to help or there will be no dinner tonight, and that's when he decides to hold the baby for a while.
His behaviours have really turned me off men, for those of you who say leave I have tried in the past but keep coming back because this is all I know. I have a really supportive family but i dont like being a burden to others, if i tell my parents they come over to talk to him he turns everything on me and makes me look crazy just because i stood up for myself. My parents know im not in the wrong, but I guess everyone's afraid to stand up to him. This is my life and I have accepted it I made the stupid decision at the start and have to sacrifice my happiness. Since having my DC they are my number one priority and I keep myself busy with them, I live for them and they are my everything.
I thought everything was fine recently until he got my phone to do some work last night, he added his Gmail account to see if a certain game would work on my phone. Along with that most of his phone messages came up on my phone that he wasn't aware of. After giving it back he forgot to sign out of the account. When I checked my phone later I was surprised as I saw alot of messages that weren't mine. Most pretty innocent but a few caught my attention. There was messages to someone about asking about blow jobs, sex and negotiating prices. There was a few of these..
Tbh I'm lost for words because never would I think in a million years DH would be doing something like this. I dont even know if he went along with it after the women sent him the address. I'm in shock because he's being manipulative and controlling all this time so I thought he would have a clean attitude too considering he wants me so pure. And on top of that I've been having sex everytime he demands it. I've been heavily pregnant and crying but he would carry on.
The dates for these messages were from 6 months ago approximately when I just had the baby.
I'm sorry for such a long post but I really wanted to know what I should do, I have confronted him about it and he's still not admitting it and is saying I don't know how they got there. And now all of a sudden is saying that his friend's account got shared with his and its his friends messages.