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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Part timer wants more free time

35 replies

charco · 06/02/2025 20:30

Getting so sick of him really it getting a joke now. Come to pick up my son and tells me he wont be able to have the kids on his Thursday he has something else planned and ecspecs me to have them funny how he wont do my weekend for me when I ask but ecspecs me to do his evening ? Saying how I owe him a day because I said I would give him an evening off when he had them for me so I could take my new daughter to hospital a she hit her head he never had them the next day which was his day because he had to take the morning off to get them to school and work late so he never picked them up which means I have give him the owed time. He saying that don’t count as he would have them like normal but my fault he had to work late that’s why he didnt have them so I still owe him just think it’s stupid and always on his terms I told him he doesn’t come get them he can stop having them during the week at all I will take him to csa as well

OP posts:
SussexLass87 · 06/02/2025 21:49

Wtf?

Original poster
charco · 06/02/2025 22:46

SussexLass87 · 06/02/2025 21:49

Wtf?

What?

OP posts:
SussexLass87 · 06/02/2025 22:46

charco · 06/02/2025 22:46

What?

Show quote history

Did you understand anything that you just wrote?!

Blankscreen · 06/02/2025 22:49

Expects

Original poster
charco · 07/02/2025 07:11

SussexLass87 · 06/02/2025 22:46

Did you understand anything that you just wrote?!

Show quote history

Well yeah I did. Few spellings mistakes don’t take from what im saying

OP posts:
drowninginsick · 07/02/2025 07:13

Sadly you can't make him have them. It's crap but it's really hard to force parents to step up Confused

oviraptor21 · 07/02/2025 07:13

Have you got a court arranged agreement? If not it's probably time to do that and yes, get a child maintenance claim in.

Overthebow · 07/02/2025 07:13

It’s really hard to follow @charco . Could you explain clearly what the problem is?

WhatTheFudges · 07/02/2025 07:16

Excuse Mumsnet, complete snobs here who don’t know how to show basic manners and understanding when someone is not as literate as them.

Hope someone else will be along soon who can give you better advice as I can’t help here I’m afraid, but thought the responses so far were horrible.

rubyslippers · 07/02/2025 07:19

This sounds like an informal arrangement with no financial order in place
I would change both those things immediately so it is clear
were you married?

LordEmsworth · 07/02/2025 07:20

I think the OP is complaining that her ex partner has cancelled having his kids next week, but refusing to have them at times when it's not "his time" when the OP asks for a favour. Also that he doesn't pay towards them.

IroningBoardAgainstTheWall · 07/02/2025 07:21

Don't help him out or ask him for favours any more.

Find some alternative childcare.

Go to court for access and csa

Original poster
charco · 07/02/2025 07:31

LordEmsworth · 07/02/2025 07:20

I think the OP is complaining that her ex partner has cancelled having his kids next week, but refusing to have them at times when it's not "his time" when the OP asks for a favour. Also that he doesn't pay towards them.

He does pay we made are own agreement when he left he pay 200 and half of any needs for school like costume trips clubs just think he stupid for saying I still owe him time I said I would have them for him and did when he couldn’t have them on his day but he seem to think that don’t count because he only didnt have them because he worked late and it was my fault he worked late because he had the kids for me and I was at the hospital late so they had to sleep at his and he took the morning off work to get them to school and had to make up the time at woek. Ngl he I could have said to him I wont have them he can pick them up still for half an hour but I didnt I had them for him so I dont still owe him a favour at all but he thinks I do

OP posts:
Original poster
charco · 07/02/2025 07:33

rubyslippers · 07/02/2025 07:19

This sounds like an informal arrangement with no financial order in place
I would change both those things immediately so it is clear
were you married?

Never married

OP posts:
drowninginsick · 07/02/2025 07:40

but he seem to think that don’t count because he only didnt have them because he worked late and it was my fault he worked late because he had the kids for me and I was at the hospital late so they had to sleep at his and he took the morning off work to get them to school and had to make up the time at woek.

@charco actually this kind of makes it sound like you do owe him! He has to change round his work schedule to help you when your younger child is at hospital then yea it's on you to have them while he works late making it up Confused

StormingNorman · 07/02/2025 07:40

Overthebow · 07/02/2025 07:13

It’s really hard to follow @charco . Could you explain clearly what the problem is?

OP’s kid’s dad is a lazy knob who wants time off from parenting on his days. HTH.

Original poster
charco · 07/02/2025 07:41

Overthebow · 07/02/2025 07:13

It’s really hard to follow @charco . Could you explain clearly what the problem is?

He think I owe him a favour still he had the kids for me last month and I did say I would make it up to him and I already did when he didnt have them the next day which is his day but he thinks it don’t count because he had to work late as he had to take the kids to school so that’s my fault. Just stupid really I could have said no you will have them still for the 30min or 1 hour but I didnt I had them for him so the favour returned already. I ask for him to do a weekend of mine he tell me to get a babysitter because he have plans that will mess up if the weekends change but he think it fine to ask me to do his evening. He say he wont do me favours because I take this mick and never do it back but wants me to do them for him

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 07/02/2025 07:42

So you don't have a CAO in place OP?

Original poster
charco · 07/02/2025 07:43

drowninginsick · 07/02/2025 07:40

but he seem to think that don’t count because he only didnt have them because he worked late and it was my fault he worked late because he had the kids for me and I was at the hospital late so they had to sleep at his and he took the morning off work to get them to school and had to make up the time at woek.

@charco actually this kind of makes it sound like you do owe him! He has to change round his work schedule to help you when your younger child is at hospital then yea it's on you to have them while he works late making it up Confused

I did have them so I don’t now owe him because I had them?

OP posts:
Myheadhurtsagain · 07/02/2025 07:44

I'm sorry OP but your posts are almost unreadable. Slow down, put some full stops in and then more people will help you

Original poster
charco · 07/02/2025 07:49

jeaux90 · 07/02/2025 07:42

So you don't have a CAO in place OP?

No we agreed on are own what we would do and he agree to pay what I asked been no issue until his little girlfriend come along .He always pay what he should but everything on his terms he changed from having the kids every wed thur and friday and sat one week or sat and sunday to one week monday wednesday and the whole weekend to the next week just wednesday and thursday. Say he wont do me favours anymore because I take the mick but ecspecs me to do him a favour because apparently I owe him one still but I already made that up like I said I would

OP posts:
ThDanielDay · 07/02/2025 07:53

You definitely still owe him based on your account of events

Codlingmoths · 07/02/2025 07:56

drowninginsick · 07/02/2025 07:40

but he seem to think that don’t count because he only didnt have them because he worked late and it was my fault he worked late because he had the kids for me and I was at the hospital late so they had to sleep at his and he took the morning off work to get them to school and had to make up the time at woek.

@charco actually this kind of makes it sound like you do owe him! He has to change round his work schedule to help you when your younger child is at hospital then yea it's on you to have them while he works late making it up Confused

Do you take the morning off work to get your kids to school then? Most parents, even separated parents… just get them to school normal time then go to work?

TizerorFizz · 07/02/2025 07:59

Any “agreement” you have is not binding. You have no legal agreement so he can do what he wants. If you want a binding agreement, go to court.

farmlife2 · 07/02/2025 07:59

drowninginsick · 07/02/2025 07:40

but he seem to think that don’t count because he only didnt have them because he worked late and it was my fault he worked late because he had the kids for me and I was at the hospital late so they had to sleep at his and he took the morning off work to get them to school and had to make up the time at woek.

@charco actually this kind of makes it sound like you do owe him! He has to change round his work schedule to help you when your younger child is at hospital then yea it's on you to have them while he works late making it up Confused

I agree with this. OP, he did you a favour and took your child when you had an emergency and needed one. This affected his work arrangements and time. So yes, you do owe him one by the sound of it?