Was I love bombed? Please help

[Mum2two99]

I'm 31, have 2 kids from my ex with 10 year so I'm not new to heartbreak, but this had me completely blindsided and I feel devastated and stupid.

My boyfriend who I've been seeing 1.5 year just ended it over the phone and blocked me.

He lives over and hour away so I go his most weekends.
We always have a great time, he is very affectionate, always dancing and singing to me, compliments me every time he sees me, treats me like a princess etc etc. Acts like he is happy basically, tells me he loves me every day, phones to say goodnight. So obviously I couldn't be much happier in this relationship, he's taken me weekends away and buys me gifts i dont want, his family are lovely and all should be great. We talk about living together, he bought a house which we've been renovating together with the plan on us all living there one day, my kids adore him.
I feel soo stupid right now that I let myself believe I could be happy with this man.

I came here for advice but read about love bombing,
I hope I'm wrong, I've only noticed fully the last few weeks when we've been argueing over the phone about things that wernt making much sense, I assumed he was stressed with work and at the weekends he still seemed normal and happy so I didn't want to bring it up. He took this as me avoiding it aparently which then caused another discussion about it in which I apologied but that only ended in him insulting me and hanging up.

Anyway I try to brush it off, we have a nice weekend and come Monday again he's making snarky comments on the phone. I ask him if there's something bothering him could he please explain what's wrong because I'm confused you seemed fine yesterday.. then I just recieve a whole mouthful how he wasn't fine at the weekend and I should have noticed and I'm just like everyone else who doesn't actually care! I was a bit gobsmacked, we argued some and then he said its not working, messaged me sorry its done and blocked me...

There have definately been other red flags along the way, but I never believed it because I thought he could do no wrong as he was so good to me 90% of the time. I could go on but I've written losds!!

What’s his family background? He sounds like he’s desperate for love and attention and pulls away if he feels a partner might not be giving it to him. YANBU - he’s not stable enough for a relationship. He needs to work on his issues.

My understanding is that lovebombing is when someone showers you with love and affection in the early stages of the relationship to reel you in, then when you become somewhat dependent on them they turn controlling / abusive.

It doesn't sound like that's the case here? It seems like he just went off you/the relationship and decided to end things. I'm sorry, I hope you can move on from it swiftly.

It’s possible. Buying you unexpected gifts and planning a future together only to withdraw it and make you think you’re going mad.
This is a helpful guide - see if it rings true:

I honestly think I just made it easy for him, because I've only had 1 serious relationship previously that went wrong, I basically took fault in all arguements we've had as its just easier. So although we don't argue much in our relationship everyone we've had has been how I've basically let him down somehow, he got jealous over texts from my ex about the kids (which we talked through) he got annoyed once when his mum was talking to me about his 'moods'... that arguement caused him to leave the restaurant we were in and me also and return to the hotel. It hurt me a lot and he made a scene and never felt bad about it. A red flag I ignored because he was drunk so I let it slip. Also I've had a lot of silent treatments, he hangs the phone immediately or just walks out the house for no reason.

All these I just shrugged off because going off my ex who wouldn't work and isn't the best dad, this man was amazing with my kids, and made the relationship exciting.. again another red flag I suppose

He sounds like an absolute nightmare! It really shouldn’t be this difficult to have adult communication with a partner. The sulking, silent treatment, walking out of places, putting the phone down and even his mum mentioning his moodiness are all really unappealing. He can’t treat people like that: it’s appalling. Be glad to be rid of him.

I don't know whether to be worried about him or not, it was all so sudden I never thought he could possibly ghost me. But if he was some kind of narcissist or playing me I feel so stupid even wasting my time on him, I've helped him out lots with work on his house for months, taking care of his dog etc it's all bizarre how it ended, I'm still quite hurt I could go see him but I see little point driving up there.

Sounds like his mum may have been cautiously trying to warn you re the moods. Sorry this has happened OP, but however great he was with your kids if he wasn’t great with you it wouldn’t have worked out.
From what you have written it sounds like you had a lucky escape. Moody people are exhausting.

His mum was telling me that she believes he's autistic, I told her I'm positive he is something. He doesn't stop thinking, phones me at work all the time even though he's in construction and busy. Struggles to go in some Monday mornings as I'm sure he stays up some Sunday nights thinking about ways I'm out to get him.

Weeks, even months would go by without any arguements only good times and then he'd randomly say something that happened weeks ago and then get upset that I'm not taking it seriously and sulk, I'd just go bed and not think much of it as I'm old enough not to bite much now.

I am devastated but I do feel that I've dodged a bullet here. He has work stuff at my house, I know he needs it and I'm thinking he might have to come get it. I know if I see him I will forget as always and say sorry, he will likely be calm and normal as he always is (it's like he snaps out of something) but I just can't bring myself to go knowing every single word he's every said sounds like it's been a lie, he was telling me he loved me at 6am the morning we broke up before he left, told me he put the heater on for me! Ah he's made me mad!

It definitely sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet! He sounds like he was controlling. You were taking the blame in arguments to keep the peace. Treading on eggshells not to trigger him. Sounds like he gave you a mixture of love, affection and stimulation (which might not all have been faked) along with blame and criticism. You never know which kind of man you’re going to get at any given time.
I can’t say for certain he was abusive or narcissistic, but I’d recommend doing the freedom programme (online version is not expensive, it was about £15 when I did it) and it’s an eye opener to learn about potential red flags. You sound quite vulnerable and this will help you to recognise red flags early on.

Do not go back if he comes crawling back OP.

Its hard to say if it was love bombing from your description. It's quite possible that these were genuine actions, but now he's had a tantrum over something and rather than discussing it like an adult, he set you up for failure and dumped you. That would be my guess.

I wouldn't be surprised if he comes back. Men do think they can play with your emotions and it's all fine because you'll be right where they left you when they want some attention again... But if you let that happen, shit will only get worse. So don't.

He didn't ghost you. He told you the relationship is over so there shouldn't be any expectation of more contact. He very much sounds like one of my exes. I bet he will reappear a month later telling you he made a mistake. Don't go back to him. He sounds volatile and it will only end up being a weird push pull thing that drags on for years going nowhere.

Stay strong OP and don’t contact him apologising. He sounds a nightmare, someone who is fine one minute and then twists the knife the next.

If he wants his work stuff back he needs to make contact and you can leave it on the doorstep for him to pick up at a prearranged time, don’t fall for any back tracking by him.

ND my arse, that’s no excuse for causing arguments and treating you badly.

Time to stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself. He sounds very manipulative, making you feel like you’ve done something wrong or that you need to tread on eggshells the whole time.

I bet he crawls back asking why you aren’t more upset about the breakup. Don’t get sucked back in.

I told her I'm positive he is something

He is, he's an arsehole who is playing with your feelings. Block him OP, send his stuff back to him by post if you can and move on with your life. If you don't, you'll never have peace of mind or know if you're coming or going.

Based on what you have described, you haven't been love bombed.

No need to put a label on it anyhow, if you aren't happy it's irrelevant.

I don’t think this has anything to do with love bombing. What you have is an annoying drama queen who is selfish and manipulative. I would bet a lot of money he’ll be back in touch to check how upset you are, then make you apologise and he’ll take you back. Then he will repeat this behaviour until you are emotionally drained and waste a large portion of your life on the twat.
gather yourself up, stay strong and block him and find someone worthy of you.

Post his stuff. Use signed for post.
block and ignore now forever. He has showed you his colours , now move on.

It wasn't lovebombing but at best he is unstable, at worst manipulative.

This is a test to see if you come running. If you do, you'll have years of this shit.

Let it stay over and focus on your kids.

Best of luck moving forward.

And he won't change, his mum warned you because you aren't the first or last.

she's between a rock and a hard place of being bullied by his behaviour and complicated feelings about loving her son while recognising he is the problem.

Have you checked his history? Searched for his name online or done a Clares law request for past reports about him?

My money would be on - he's met someone else.

Whether he's love-bombed you in the past isn't relevant. He's ended the relationship, in such a way that he's placed the blame squarely on you. There is nothing you can do but move on.

He is exactly the type of man who will be back with excuses and flowers. Don't buy it OP, you deserve better.

sorry OP it doesn’t sound like a perfect relationship, the more you have posted the worse he sounds. It wouldn’t surprise me if he unblocks you and all is forgiven - the type of drama you’ve described isn’t healthy. Take this opportunity he’s given you to walk away.

He sounds like a very low grade BF, issue is you may not know what a healthy relationship is unfortunately with what you wrote about your ex. Seems like this one was crap but less crap than the previous one.

Moody men are not worth the hassle OP. You’ve had a lucky escape.