To be in a relationship with a man 14 years younger?

[shoplifteroftheworld]

I’m 47 in July. He turned 33 in December. I’m still married but haven’t seen my abusive ex in nearly four years. We would have been married 20 years this August. But it was a horrible relationship and I’m still feeling the ramifications of it.

I met my current partner last April. I always swore I wouldn’t be with someone even 2 or 3 years younger than me, so I’ve surprised myself in falling for someone almost 14 years younger. We both have issues that we deal with and it’s not always easy but I really love him and have never had this depth of feeling for anyone else.

Is anyone here in a relationship with a much younger person? Have you experienced any problems when you get further down the line? I know my partner is incredibly loyal. In many ways he seems much older than me. I’d hate to think our relationship won’t last.

Any relationship can end for any reason whatsoever. I wouldn't worry about your age difference being the thing that breaks it.
I have experience dating younger men. Relationships ended for mostly the same reason as every other relationship I've had - drifting apart, not being able/wiling to communicate, loss of sexual attraction... just usual stuff. And this is universal whether you date someone younger, older or the same age as you.

A ten year gap is possibly the most I'd consider...as you get older the gap will seem wider and wider. If you are already dealing with 'issues' then it will just get harder imo. At some point he may want children..and you'll be too old. Also, it will be a talking point (and possibly a joke) for everyone who knows you. Would you be up for that? I'm sorry this will be hard to hear. And it will be even harder to contemplate ending it, when it is probably giving you a lot of joy. But from what you've said, I don't think it will still be great or even good in 10 years time.

Happiest couple I know have a similar age gap but we’re in their 20s and 30s when they met

It’s too big a gap for me.

I have 2 women friends who did have big age gaps, one sadly died at 54, which was just really awful, he was 12 years younger. The other split up about a year ago. She is mid sixties and he is 15 years younger. The age gap was becoming noticeable at that point.

He may at some point decide he wants children, he may not now but if he does then it’s a problem.

Does he want kids?

Irrelevant if you have shared objectives, and accept the slightly increased chance of long widowhood. A contemporary of mine met his wife when he was twenty-five and she was fifty. He's widowed now, but they had nearly fifty years together, and he's just met someone new.

Also, what issues do you both have that means it's not always easy?

You were both fully grown adults (him in his 30s, you in your 40s) when you met. It's a bigger than average gap but not many people would be shocked if your ages were reversed. As long as he's good to you and makes you happy that's all that matters. If at some point in the future you break up because of the age gap then so what, he has helped heal you after an abusive relationship. Enjoy.

Hmmm I'm 43 so this would be like me dating a 29 year old. I don't think I could. 37 is probably the youngest I'd go. Maybe a fling with someone younger but not a serious relationship.
I don't think it's gross or anything because he's a fully grown adult but I think it isn't likely to last long term because you're going to be at different life stages.

It's not a big age gap really, I don't think anyone would bat an eyelid.

I'm drawn to younger men (youngest being 14 years younger) and have never had anything other than support and encouragement from friends.

People on MN are quick to warn that age gaps get worse with age, but I say live in the present and worry about tomorrow tomorrow. Good luck. 😊

Well, I think it's all right in the short term, but I couldn't honestly see myself in a relationship with somebody who's almost a generation younger than me. You're nearly 50. He is just out of his 20s ... You're never going to have any more children. Is he going to be okay with that? (I'm assuming he hasn't got children?)

In 20 years, he will be just out of his 40s (53,) which is still really just middle age. You're going to be elderly. (Nearly 70.) Is he okay with that? Are you OK with that? It wouldn't be for me. But you are doing no harm. Just have fun for now..

I would be concerned you’ve been dating only 10 months and already have issues to work through?

Ridiculous use of language to make the age gap seem bigger than it is.

When OP is 50, he'll be closer to 40 than 30. Besides people mature differently and OP may be a 'young' 47 (I'm guessing she is if she attracted a man 14 years younger).

I don't know if it's a recent phenomenon or what, but lots of young men are attracted to older women - it's my own experience (most of my matches on OLD are from younger men) and what I see all around me.

You're nearly 50. He is just out of his 20s ...

Hahaha, such bollocks. Only on MN would a 33 year-old be "just out of his 20s". 😂

A 47 year old man would not be questioning a relationship with a 33 year old woman. So why should you?

Its good to hear you’ve found someone. It’s natural to worry about it but age is just a number. You appear to have the measure of the chap and he seems to be good for you. You’re tackling life’s issues together. Enjoy what you have. But if you have any concerns then talk to him about it. You’re nine months in so feels like a good time to talk about what the future looks like. Better knowing than not. And hopefully makes what you have stronger.

OP might not mean issues between them. Could just be they’re supporting each other through the usual hurdles of life :)

A cautionary tale from me I’m afraid …. Not me, but a dear friend got into a relationship with a guy who was 15 years younger. She was 46 to his 31 at the time. Alls good for 8 years and then at 39 he decided he wanted to have kids before he got too old. At 54 she definitely was not going to be having kids. So he dumped her and is now with a new gf who is 29, leaving her alone. Something to think about and discuss now, if you haven’t already.

Relationships end for all kinds of reasons. More end than last a lifetime. I bet your friend doesn't regret the 8 years they had together.

Thank you for all your kind replies. He and I both already have two sons each from previous relationships and neither of us wants any more. We were both with abusive ex’s. Our issues I guess are some trauma. His from childhood abuse and fighting for the French Foreign Legion in Mali. Mine are from being with my ex for 22 years and the abuse he dished out.

My younger man is a huge animal lover like me, and we would love to open a sanctuary in the future. I’m currently writing a book which I would love to have published. We both are looking for peace and tranquility. I know that whatever happens, he will always be in my life. I’ve never loved anyone as deeply as I love him. If he did meet someone else, closer in age to him, and who I knew would be good to him, I would let him go and happily stay in touch. I’m perhaps getting more soppy and sentimental as I age, but I just want him to be happy and for him to have everything he needs and wants.

Not for me but there's nothing wrong with it. He's a "proper adult". I don't think it probably has long term potential but who knows?

I’m 50. DP is 32. 18 year age gap.

We’ve been together five years and are very happy. Probably because we don’t live together and see each other every couple of weeks! So that keeps the relationship fresh and fun.

He plays a significant part in my life, has holidayed with my children, attended my mum’s funeral, etc. I love him very much.

We’ve had the conversations around no children and him potentially pushing me around in a wheelchair! I think there’s a high likelihood that we won’t be together forever and I’m ok with that. I’m a great believer in doing what makes you happy now. There are no guarantees in life.

I say go for it OP!

Shit... this is going to sound utterly horrible and presumptuous of me.. forgive me but French Legion in Mali triggered an awful thought - I sincerely hope that this is not a romance scam. Did you meet him online? Did he move to the UK to be with you? Are you financing him in any way?
If not, then all good. Carry on. If yes, please stop and think.

Good for you

You sound very angry and bothered @Crushed23 Have you got a big age gap with your partner perchance? 😆

Did I hit a raw nerve.............? 😬

😂