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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I do not believe in gender identity.

1000 replies

SernieBanders · 04/02/2025 09:05

There are two sexes: male and female. Occasionally, that matters.

There is no such thing as an innate gender identity—no internal essence that makes someone more inclined to wear dresses and sip wine, or football boots and down pints. Those are cultural stereotypes, not proof of some mystical gendered soul.

The idea of gender identity is sexist, misogynistic, and regressive. It reinforces outdated norms instead of challenging them. Women do not need an inner feeling of womanhood to be women. Men do not need a gender identity to be men. Sex is real. Stereotypes are not.

I hope with the flurry of cultural changes, legal challenges, scientific findings and executive orders in the last ~12 months, more people feel able to stand up and be counted, and say - No More.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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AnonymousBleep · 04/02/2025 11:39

MariaThomasFangs · 04/02/2025 11:38

In fact, a lot of people with gender identities have a lot in common with Trump in this respect (and probably only this respect, to be fair). They believe in gender stereotypes and enforce them just as hard as some on the alt-right might.

Yes - it's quite fascinating. Different ideologies but the same result.

I don't know if you can say there is anyone who actually doesn't have a gender identity, though. I think you'd have to work REALLY hard to throw off those particular shackles of social conditioning and expectation.

Lyn348 · 04/02/2025 11:40

dizzydizzydizzy · 04/02/2025 11:11

In most every day circumstances, I don't see what difference it makes to everyone else if somebody born a boy identifies as a woman, or vice versa.

I get it with competitive sport and few orther specific circumstances. My next door neighbour was born a girl and identifies as a man. If that makes him happy and fulfilled who am I to contradict?

DM worked in a hospital lab on the 60s. It was her job to look at the chromosomes of people where it wasn't clear whether they were male or female. She used to get people with XXY or whatever.

In my understanding if you have a Y chromosome then you are biologically male regardless of whether you have an extra X chromosome or not.

Jetandianto · 04/02/2025 11:40

The science is unequivocal. A separate area of the brain deals with gender identity from that dealing with biological sex. For most people, this is not an issue but sadly, a very small number of people find themselves trapped in the wrong body. There was a brilliant Horizon programme setting all this out a few years ago and it followed the dreadful case study of a boy who was brought up as a girl as well as demonstrating the science in this area.

MariaThomasFangs · 04/02/2025 11:42

Jetandianto · 04/02/2025 11:40

The science is unequivocal. A separate area of the brain deals with gender identity from that dealing with biological sex. For most people, this is not an issue but sadly, a very small number of people find themselves trapped in the wrong body. There was a brilliant Horizon programme setting all this out a few years ago and it followed the dreadful case study of a boy who was brought up as a girl as well as demonstrating the science in this area.

No, the science really is not unequivocal, and you cannot be trapped in the wrong body - the body you have is the only body you can ever have.

Of course, the brain can malfunction. in myriad ways leading to mental distress and illness, but this does not mean you can be "born in the wrong body."

Are disabled people born in the wrong body? was I born in the wrong body because I'm 5 foot nothing, when I'd quite like to have been a tall, lithe, model?

AllFurCoatAndFrillyKnickers · 04/02/2025 11:43

Jetandianto · 04/02/2025 11:40

The science is unequivocal. A separate area of the brain deals with gender identity from that dealing with biological sex. For most people, this is not an issue but sadly, a very small number of people find themselves trapped in the wrong body. There was a brilliant Horizon programme setting all this out a few years ago and it followed the dreadful case study of a boy who was brought up as a girl as well as demonstrating the science in this area.

@JeannetteBlue
Can you post the evidence for the different area of the brain that deal with sex and gender?

dovetail22uk · 04/02/2025 11:44

SernieBanders · 04/02/2025 09:05

There are two sexes: male and female. Occasionally, that matters.

There is no such thing as an innate gender identity—no internal essence that makes someone more inclined to wear dresses and sip wine, or football boots and down pints. Those are cultural stereotypes, not proof of some mystical gendered soul.

The idea of gender identity is sexist, misogynistic, and regressive. It reinforces outdated norms instead of challenging them. Women do not need an inner feeling of womanhood to be women. Men do not need a gender identity to be men. Sex is real. Stereotypes are not.

I hope with the flurry of cultural changes, legal challenges, scientific findings and executive orders in the last ~12 months, more people feel able to stand up and be counted, and say - No More.

Astonished and saddened by this thread. Why does it matter to you if someone identifies as something other than what suits you? How is this hurting anyone? What happened to being kind and accepting? You don't have to understand to accept and it's clear from the majority of comments on here that you don't understand and don't try to understand.

Catza · 04/02/2025 11:44

CautiousLurker01 · 04/02/2025 11:00

I think people are arguing at cross purposes here (think that’s the expression). Most people here complete agree it is a socially constructed concept that has been around for decades (since 1950’s sociological research I think). The point is that over the last 5-10 years agencies such as Mermaid, Stonewall, a significant number of trans rights advocates in parliament and other lawmaking and medical organisations have argued that it is not - that it is an innate part of their essence. This is also what the PHSE classes at my children’s school taught within the last 5 years.

I think you are agreeing with OP and others - ie that it is a socially constructed notion that has nothing to do with the sexed body?

I am indeed agreeing. I was simply pointing out that OP believes to be arguing against something while simultaneously believing it to be true.

MariaThomasFangs · 04/02/2025 11:45

dovetail22uk · 04/02/2025 11:44

Astonished and saddened by this thread. Why does it matter to you if someone identifies as something other than what suits you? How is this hurting anyone? What happened to being kind and accepting? You don't have to understand to accept and it's clear from the majority of comments on here that you don't understand and don't try to understand.

It hurts us when it allows male rapists to be placed in female prisons or males to be placed in women's rape shelters (some have even gone on to assault the women they were placed with) for example.

northwestgirl · 04/02/2025 11:47

BrightCat · 04/02/2025 11:29

You are almost correct that there are 2 anatomical Sexes. There’s also Intersex (1.7% of humans).
You’re confusing Gender Identity with Gender Conformity, which is participating in a culture’s social construct.
Gender Identity is formed in the brain. It’s part of your psychology, just like the rest of your identity. Who am I to suggest that a part of your identity (your psychology) isn’t real?
The thing about science is that it’s true whether or not you believe it. Reading scientific literature from reputable scientific sources might give you more credibility when you post about what your personal identity believes. Suggested Reading: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/making-meaning/202102/understanding-gender-sex-and-gender-identity

this is so near a gender critical view, but fails because it doesn't address what trans activists have done with the concept of gender identity
'gender identity' as described in that piece is psychologically constructed, not innate, and therefore open to change
you could compare it with nationality- I have a national identity, | suppose, I am a UK citizen and think of myself as such, would be recognised as such, and conform in some ways to the stereotypes associated with being a UK citizen. But if I just declared myself to be a French citizen, and adopted some of those stereotypes, it wouldn't make me French, would it.

So, if a man says he has a 'female gender identity' - because he doesn't conform to the stereotypes associated with being male (which are psychologically and socially constructed, not innate and so open to change) - that doesn't make him actually female. So AFAIAC he can crack on with wearing what he wants, but he is still a man. Doesn't matter for most purposes at all- say if he is working at a till, or playing in an orchestra, but for some purposes it does matter and so he needs to be categorised as what he is, a man.

dovetail22uk · 04/02/2025 11:47

MariaThomasFangs · 04/02/2025 11:45

It hurts us when it allows male rapists to be placed in female prisons or males to be placed in women's rape shelters (some have even gone on to assault the women they were placed with) for example.

So this is a trans issue rather than a gender issue? And why tar everyone with the same brush as one or two predators?

Witchcraftandhokum · 04/02/2025 11:49

Well you've certainly found your echo chamber.

Velmy · 04/02/2025 11:49

SailorSerena · 04/02/2025 09:10

Good for you.

There isn't any AIBU here though you've just posted a statement of your personal belief.

Why?

For attention 🤷🏻‍♂️

MariaThomasFangs · 04/02/2025 11:49

dovetail22uk · 04/02/2025 11:47

So this is a trans issue rather than a gender issue? And why tar everyone with the same brush as one or two predators?

Well, when people use a gender identity to enter women's spaces, yes it is. I couldn't care less if a man wants to express a more feminine identity - heck every boyfriend I had from the ages of 15-25 wore eyeliner and more feminine clothes at least some of the time - that doesn't bother me. It's an issue now because men are using it to enter women's spaces when they have no right to.

So, you think it's Okay for even one abused woman who thinks she's now safe in a shelter to be further assaulted and traumatised. Sorry, but I can't agree with that!

ERthree · 04/02/2025 11:50

I have thought about the following question and asked it of many people but i have never had an answer, maybe someone here can give me the answer. If a male says he was born in the wrong body because he doesn't feel like a male but has always felt like he is a woman, what the hell does he mean ? He can't possibly know that how he feels is how women feel and surely how i feel is different to what the woman next to me on the train feels. What is this feeling that makes you a woman ? I have no idea how it feels to be a man, in fact does it feel any different to this "feeling" i have as a woman ?
Does he mean he doesn't fit in or he doesn't like typical male pass times, does it mean he prefers the company of women and if it is any of those how the hell does that make him born in the wrong body ? Maybe i am thick but i really don't understand.

Fishandchipsareyum · 04/02/2025 11:52

SailorSerena · 04/02/2025 09:10

Good for you.

There isn't any AIBU here though you've just posted a statement of your personal belief.

Why?

Because.... we are born with a Penis or a vagina with very different traits and hormones that come along with that biologically. What makes a person want to change ?

grannyof3 · 04/02/2025 11:54

Cunningfungus · 04/02/2025 09:27

💯 @SernieBanders
Unfortunately I can’t upload a picture (owing to site problems but you can find it with a quick google) but there is a photograph doing the rounds under the satirical banner “hard work pays off” with a “before and after” comparison of the swimmer William/Lia Thomas which really underscores this madness. There he is, all 6 foot plus of him, standing there with full male genitalia apparent, swimming in female competitions.

It’s just so unfair. We wouldn’t let 25 year olds compete against 12 year olds because they identified as being younger, yet we allow all the biological advantages a male body has wrt most sports to be denied cos (male) feelings.

I’m really hoping it’s a case of metaphorically giving them enough rope to let them hang themselves. Surely a light must soon be shone on this madness 😢

I want to see an end to this gender identity tripe. These men who somehow miraculously changed from male to female are stealing women’s achievements and demanding we applaud them.

SernieBanders · 04/02/2025 11:55

Gemmy96 · 04/02/2025 11:27

Ok. I "believe" in gender lol and I don't really care that you don't Confused

Can you explain what it is please?

OP posts:
MariaThomasFangs · 04/02/2025 11:55

Junk science.

if "cisgender" people's brains develop in line with their "assigned gender at birth" then how does this account for the fact that most of us so-called "cisgnder people" do not consider ourselves to even have a gender identity at all.

How does it explain the fact that the vast majority of people have some traits that would be stereotypically in accordance with a "male gender identity" and some that would align with a "female gender identity?"

They've taken it as fact that gender identities exist at all, when that is not at all nailed down as fact.

Artywoods · 04/02/2025 11:56

I’m pregnant

when I read or hear anything with ‘pregnant people’ I instantly disregard that literature or person.

ill be asking for the sex of my baby and not gender

Cattenberg · 04/02/2025 11:56

Pilloecat · 04/02/2025 10:35

Transphobia is inherently misogynistic, anti-feminist and just plain boring. You have been fed extremist hate from media and silly buggers like jk Rowling. Parroting it doesn’t make you a free thinker.

Listen to trans people instead of basing your view of them on what hateful people say. This nonsense is just the gay panic rebranded, and I find it very sad. I don’t respond to bigots so if this comment makes you feel upset, please look inwards, don’t waste both our time trying to argue with me- I won’t see your reply. Try to find empathy for one of the most maligned groups of people in society today.

The ploppers don’t do themselves any favours, do they?

”I’m right because you’re a BIGOT who can’t possibly have considered any other point of view. No need to reply, as my word is final”.

I’m pleased to see that many people are losing fear of the magical B-word which used to silence them.

As it happens, I think gender identity might be real as gender dysphoria is clearly real for a minority of people. But I agree that “gender” is a regressive social construct that shouldn’t be confused with sex.

northwestgirl · 04/02/2025 11:57

Witchcraftandhokum · 04/02/2025 11:49

Well you've certainly found your echo chamber.

its uncomfortable isn't it when you read well reasoned arguments that challenge your beliefs

SernieBanders · 04/02/2025 11:58

BrightCat · 04/02/2025 11:29

You are almost correct that there are 2 anatomical Sexes. There’s also Intersex (1.7% of humans).
You’re confusing Gender Identity with Gender Conformity, which is participating in a culture’s social construct.
Gender Identity is formed in the brain. It’s part of your psychology, just like the rest of your identity. Who am I to suggest that a part of your identity (your psychology) isn’t real?
The thing about science is that it’s true whether or not you believe it. Reading scientific literature from reputable scientific sources might give you more credibility when you post about what your personal identity believes. Suggested Reading: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/making-meaning/202102/understanding-gender-sex-and-gender-identity

People with DSDs are still ALWAYS either MALE or FEMALE.

OP posts:
northwestgirl · 04/02/2025 11:59

@ERthree you are not thick at all you just have not been afraid to think carefully about what you are being told
more people need to do this

Witchlite · 04/02/2025 12:00

“It’s just so unfair. We wouldn’t let 25 year olds compete against 12 year olds because they identified as being younger, yet we allow all the biological advantages a male body has wrt most sports to be denied cos (male) feelings.”

it’s more than this. If said 25 year old had a mental age of 12, due to disability, he’s would also not be allowed to swim against the actual 12 year olds. It shouldn’t matter what people feel. We shouldn’t be guilted into being nice - it’s bad for us.

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