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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sick of the constant comments- should I stoop to his level?

52 replies

MsRollersk8er · 03/02/2025 21:19

nc for this. I am so worn down by DPs constant running commentary around the house. Its so petty and mind numbing that I have ignored it for as long as I can but its really getting me down. For example if I was sitting down with a cup of tea then I went to the toilet on coming back in the room he is there with the empty cup saying - what’s this? Have you finished with it? Ect. If I put empty the shopping on the side and fold the bag up to go back out to the car he picks it up waggles it at me again whats this ect ect. But me to him - if he leaves a cup and i am walking past i pick it up and take it. I don’t mention it. Plates on the side - I put in the dishwasher without comment. Shoes on the floor - I put in the shoe rack. I think that’s what we should do just have each others back? Yet yesterday I left my wet shoes to dry by the garage door and came back an hour later to find the shoes had been thrown 5 metres to the otherside of the garage. My toothbrush if I don’t put it in the pot gets thrown in the bathroom bin. Ect. He doesn’t work outside the house he is a sahd we have a 5 and 7 yr old I work full time 80 hours a week so yes I know sometimes am overwhelmed with work and all the mental load so can at times be absent minded. But I think his comments and reactions are extreme and unkind especially as I pick up after him without any reaction. My question is - should I start being like him to prove a point? Stoop to his level?
YABU - stoop to his level
YANBU - two wrongs don’t make a right

OP posts:
Youngheartsalittletogetherness · 04/02/2025 01:20

He brings bugger all to the table
Your working week plus all the home stuff would be bad enough if you were a single parent but you're not.
You're grinding yourself into the ground doing every mortal thing going and he's an arsehole.
Get rid op life shouldn't be so hard.

Honeycuresstuff · 04/02/2025 08:04

MsRollersk8er · 03/02/2025 22:01

Thanks everyone for your comments. Just to clarify sorry its not 80 hours every week its 60 hours most weeks, with it being 80 hours if I need to to overtime at the weekend. I do all the mental load, food shopping meal planning batch cooking school activity organising party planning holiday planning childrens clothes buying sorting out ect. I clean and tidy as I go -and at the weekends my jobs are things like washing and ironing the weeks laundry changing the beds ect so I feel like I do more than pull my weight. Its just sometimes he gets to things before I have even finished eg the cup and the shopping bag. I am the breadwinner and I know that is our set up but I wish that I had a wife or my mum living with me as despite him being a sahd I feel like he puts in 20% what I would do but yet is treated like a hero for being a sahd. Meanwhile I constantly feel on the edge of a breakdown whilst being told what a good dad he is for taking and collecting the kids from school. Anyway I think based on your feedback I need to fight dirty whilst planning my exit.

I’d say yes but don’t fight dirty yet. Best to hoodwink him so it’s a surprise, so he can’t prepare any pitfalls for you.

Do a Katie Holmes, it sounds like he’ll be a nasty nasty man to fight in a divorce. You might have to reduce your work so you get some custody of the children. Otherwise he’ll get all of the custody And you’d be paying him. He needs to work as well. xx

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