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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to fill in the form

32 replies

Helpmesenmum · 03/02/2025 15:35

Just want to start off with, that I'm a full time carer for our oldest DC, But DH works 40 hours or more a week on minimum wage and we do claim universal credit as a top up (more for help with our rent) and I'm sorry for the long post

Youngest 2 DC go to the same high school and last week they sent a message out saying they were sending every pupil home with the free school meal form. In the message they said that everyone HAD to fill the form in and that there's a deadline for completion (5th of February), I know for a fact that we are not entitled for free school meals because DH earns way over the threshold.

Since the form has been sent home, we have several messages ( at least 2 a day) from the school, either in the app, emails or text messages, reminding us that the form has to be completed and handed in on time. Now normally I always fill in any forms sent home but I don't see why I should with this one, especially as I know we won't be entitled and to me it's a complete waste of resources.

The main reason I'm so annoyed at this is because I have been fighting for support for youngest DC as they have a dyslexia diagnosis and are on the pathway to be diagnosed with ASD and ADHD, so far the school has been an absolute nightmare to deal with, they have taken them off the sen register at school but won't explain their decision on why. I have written several emails to sen manger to ask for a meeting to discuss their reason (DC is at least 3 years behind in spelling and around 2 years behind in writing skills)
But they haven't replied to a single one and when I ring the school to ask to speak to her, there's always an excuse and that they will ring me back but never do.
Now before Christmas I emailed the head to put in a informal complaint as I was fed up with being ignored and completely dismissed when I tried to raise concerns, but I'm still yet to hear anything back, even tho in their own complaints procedure says i should have received a reply within 5 days and meeting in 10 (it's been 6 weeks) I've sent a follow up email asking for a solution and still nothing.

That brings me today, the school rang to see of i needed help filling in the form as it's not been handed back in yet, I told them I'm not filling it in, we aren't entitled to free school meals and I don't see the point in wasting everyone's time plus if they are refusing to meet me half way regarding my DC sen needs why should I meet them half with the form. They said they won't be discussing the sen matter but the form had to be filled in by Wednesday, then hung up.

Aibu not filling in the form, it will probably take me 10 minutes to do, but it would also take them 10 minutes to acknowledge my emails and send a reply. I'm fed up with being ignored, unless it suits their needs

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 03/02/2025 15:52

So don't fill in the form. They are only chasing so that kids who are eligible don't miss out.

They can't win. If eligible kids miss out, they will get grief from moody parents. If they chase it up, they also get grief!

GabriellaMontez · 03/02/2025 15:54

Incredible. There will be so many people who don't fill in the form. They'll be on the phone all day. What a waste of time.

user2848502016 · 03/02/2025 16:25

How ridiculous, I wouldn't fill out the form either because I know we aren't eligible for free school meals.

Octavia64 · 03/02/2025 16:34

They are hassling about filling in the form because there are usually quite a few parents who are eligible but don't know they are and the school will get extra funding to spend in those students.

If you know you aren't eligible no point filling it in.

Sen is a different issue.

Usually a child is on the Sen register at one of two levels - either has an EHCP or is accessing additional support beyond the classroom. Children move on and off the Sen register quite frequently depending on whether they are currently accessing interventions.

At high school in England at least it's unusual to talk about age related expectations. Children at high school are at a range of abilities and high schools are usually more concerned about whether they are making progress (ie learning things).

Trying to get your child added to the Sen register seems a little misplaced - you might be better off trying to talk to the school about whether they are making progress (learning things) and if not whether they can get any help - eg homework clubs, lunchtime support sessions, dropping a language to do extra maths and English etc. if they get help they'll be automatically added to the Sen register.

Original poster
Helpmesenmum · 03/02/2025 16:37

Ablondiebutagoody · 03/02/2025 15:52

So don't fill in the form. They are only chasing so that kids who are eligible don't miss out.

They can't win. If eligible kids miss out, they will get grief from moody parents. If they chase it up, they also get grief!

They already know the children that are entitled to free school meals.
The my local council informs you when you eligible and sends a reminder every school year (friend is entitled and gets the letter) so there's absolutely no need for the school to do this. Plus why should I meet them half way when they won't do the same for me

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 03/02/2025 16:38

If they are putting this much effort into following up the forms, then I think it is reasonable to presume they are hoping to be able to tap into some other funding, or at least contribute to a campaign to get the threshold for receiving FSMs changed.

I would totally separate this out from the other situation. Of course the person tasked with phoning parent to ask for a form back isn't going to be able to comment on a complaint against a member of staff.

I'm sorry you've not had a response, let alone support from the school. At this stage, it would be reasonable to raise a complaint with the Governors - as much about the lack of responses as the original concern.

However, that has nothing to do with the FSM form. Fill it is in you want to, or don't if you don't. Personally, I would.

C152 · 03/02/2025 16:40

Completing the form is entirely optional, regardless of what the school may say, so if you don't want to fill it in, don't. It is completely separate to the other issues you are having with them though, so there's no point using that as an argument for not completing the form. Just politely decline.

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 03/02/2025 16:45

Why not send in a letter of complaint to go along with the email you sent? Tape it to the back of the All Important Form leaving the side they want blank... . They sound a nightmare op.

Original poster
Helpmesenmum · 03/02/2025 16:49

Octavia64 · 03/02/2025 16:34

They are hassling about filling in the form because there are usually quite a few parents who are eligible but don't know they are and the school will get extra funding to spend in those students.

If you know you aren't eligible no point filling it in.

Sen is a different issue.

Usually a child is on the Sen register at one of two levels - either has an EHCP or is accessing additional support beyond the classroom. Children move on and off the Sen register quite frequently depending on whether they are currently accessing interventions.

At high school in England at least it's unusual to talk about age related expectations. Children at high school are at a range of abilities and high schools are usually more concerned about whether they are making progress (ie learning things).

Trying to get your child added to the Sen register seems a little misplaced - you might be better off trying to talk to the school about whether they are making progress (learning things) and if not whether they can get any help - eg homework clubs, lunchtime support sessions, dropping a language to do extra maths and English etc. if they get help they'll be automatically added to the Sen register.

They are behind though and I know that for a fact, they need the support from being on the sen register because otherwise they get absolutely no support in class.
This is the lastest thing in a long list that the school have messed up in DC short time at the school, including not putting educational reports onto the system, promising support before they started that hasn't happened and also saying that they no longer had dyslexia 🙄🙄.
It's the fact that they can take time out to ring parents about a stupid form but can't reply when it comes to something serious

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmesenmum · 03/02/2025 16:52

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 03/02/2025 16:45

Why not send in a letter of complaint to go along with the email you sent? Tape it to the back of the All Important Form leaving the side they want blank... . They sound a nightmare op.

It was the start of the Christmas holidays and since then I've tried to deal with informally.
Loving that idea though, might actually use that and see if they actually reply

OP posts:
tropicalroses · 03/02/2025 16:53

Does the form contain other information that they may be interested in like an indication of salary. My school was pretty hot on knowing which parents were worth tapping up for fundraising. Is there an ulterior motive here? Free school meals the reason, data collection being the main point?

DemonicCaveMaggot · 03/02/2025 16:57

In the US we had to fill in those forms each year because if a certain percentage of pupils qualified for free school meals the whole school got free school meals. They needed us to complete the forms even if we didn't qualify presumably to show they had legitimate information. It was a huge deal because so many children qualified and wouldn't eat unless they got food from the school, which is horrifying. I don't know if getting that funding also qualified the school for additional financial support.

Is that the situation with your DC's school?

LittleOwl153 · 03/02/2025 17:00

I'd fill the form in so much as your dcs name and then write N/A across the rest.

I'd then make a formal complaint about your child's SEN needs not being met, and your correspondence on the matter not being acknowledged or responded to.

Realistically there is not enough SEN support/time to go around so it might be even if they had funded support it wouldn't happen. But you should get some level of response in that kind of timeframe.

LunchtimeNaps · 03/02/2025 17:05

I think you need to pick your battles. For the sake of 3 minutes which you've already wasted posting this you could have had it over and done with.

Ablondiebutagoody · 03/02/2025 17:06

Helpmesenmum · 03/02/2025 16:37

They already know the children that are entitled to free school meals.
The my local council informs you when you eligible and sends a reminder every school year (friend is entitled and gets the letter) so there's absolutely no need for the school to do this. Plus why should I meet them half way when they won't do the same for me

Show quote history

But surely people's eligibility changes with income and circumstances? I don't see how the local council would know that from year to year

Temporaryname158 · 03/02/2025 17:06

Ignore the letter. You know you aren’t eligible.

they however haven’t followed their complaints procedure. I’d email them title ‘formal SEN complaint’ citing your previous complaint and lack of action or response and include a log of all the times you’ve contacted the SENCO, school etc. copy in the board of governors and Ofsted and I’m sure they will be in touch quite rapidly

Greenstamp · 03/02/2025 17:10

They can't force you. But it's not the battle I'd pick when you are trying to get them to help you.

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. It won't make you feel any better in the end.

heyhopotato · 03/02/2025 17:13

Unless the SEN manager is also the school cook or secretary I don't see why one issue is related to the other in any way. It's not just one person dealing with everything you know.

It would be like going to a hospital and trying to complain to a nurse that she hasn't fixed a broken vending machine.

Feelingleftoutagain · 03/02/2025 17:14

Schools want people to fill in this form as the more children on FSMs the more money they can get, it's called pupil premium and is roughly 1500 for primary and 1000 for secondary, if your child is on the SEN register, they get extra money. A the school ask the senco what they are spending the money on and ask for proof, they generally get back to you pretty quick when you ask, if they can't tell you ask for the SEN governors name and ask them hope this helps

Feelingleftoutagain · 03/02/2025 17:16

Meant to put they get extra money for SEN children

Annony331 · 03/02/2025 17:20

He will miss out on the enrichment PP brings for FSM children.

£1050 for secondary and £1480 primary and for the next 6 years.

Miss the deadline and you get nothing for the year.

SpeakAndSmell · 03/02/2025 17:25

Annony331 · 03/02/2025 17:20

He will miss out on the enrichment PP brings for FSM children.

£1050 for secondary and £1480 primary and for the next 6 years.

Miss the deadline and you get nothing for the year.

Not if he isn't even entitled to FSM though!

Annony331 · 03/02/2025 17:31

There is a PP statement on the school website. Have a look. It is not intended to be spent per child nor are schools accountable for explaining per child spending. It can be spent on staff test training.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 03/02/2025 17:39

Get a nice bold sharpie pen and write across the form "Please reply to my email of the xxxx date by 5th February. Then return the spoilt form to them.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 03/02/2025 18:02

@BrightYellowTrain

Can you help the OP with her child’s SEN needs?

Have you started the EHCP OP , you can do this yourself?