to find young children irritating now mine are well past that stage?

[wirywire]

My DC are now older teens so pretty much living their own lives. When they were young, they were hard work but I had a tolerance for all the tantrums and noise.

Quite a few people in my extended family have young children and are always trying to rope me into babysitting their because mine are grown. I have done all that and don't want to anymore! I do say no but I often get stuck with the kids at family events who want me to help them out when they are wrangling their DC. This annoys me because the men never get stuck with DC only the women.

I can't deal with the noise and mess.

I’ve got younger children and have had some lovely people randomly help me out (and at church) and I’ve promised myself I will help others out on with small kids when mine as older as I want to pass on the kindness that I was shown. So iv voted YABU. It can make such a huge difference

Same. I don’t particularly like children. Or teens. Or people in general really 😂

Did they ever help you? By even talking to your children for five mins? Because I'd say try to show some empathy for how difficult those years are. You don't have to babysit but surely interacting for a short while at a family event is okay? And then get "the men" to help too. I'm not saying it should be a woman-only thing but you are being unreasonable not to be kind to your family member, unless there's a back-story.

I think your issue is not so much with the young children themselves, it's with the ingrained misogyny of your family and people expecting you to magically take on the caring role because you're a mother.

Caring for young children is hard work and tedious with little reward. Most people only look after their own out of a combination of parental instinct and social expectation. Women aren't inherently "better" at it because they are women or because they have been mothers themselves. This is one of the myriad of excuses men have used to avoid having to do it themselves. See also housework.

Don't stand for it. You are no more naturally suited to caring for other people's DC than the next random in the street. Tell them the kids are not your problem.

There are no young children in my family but I do find I'm not interested in other people's non-family young children anymore. Been there, done that, so I understand where you're coming from. This time is now mine.

Weaponised incompetence! Teach the kids some swear words or let them play something just slightly dangerous, so that the expectation disappears. It's what enough men get away with.

I've never liked young children. Young children are extremely irritating and their parents often worse. They are noisy, grubby and annoying.

Mine were lovely though.

I don’t know that I’d say irritating but when I serve families with young children crying/ bouncing about trying to run off I feel so sorry for the parent and laugh at the thought that on mn people wonder on mn why their parents don’t want to mind their very young grandchildren- I’d guess I’ll help as much as possible but wow it’s hard and I’m only 44!!!

Absolutely this. OP, give the kids back to their parents and have some stock phrases prepared for when/if they complain.

If they want a break, they can pay for a babysitter.

I didn't like other people's children even when my own were young. Was very glad to discover that when they were teenagers they became excellent company. My kids are horrified though because they don't want me chatting to their mates.

Agree the issue is the expectation that you'll do the caring because you are female. Enhance your swearing repertory, nobody wants their children looked after a potty mouth.

I think it’s nice to help them out for a short while at a family event or whatever. There is a difference between that and ending up with them for the whole day though. They would appreciate a short break - I did! - but you are there to enjoy the event as an adult. Of course you’d feel differently about your own children, everyone does.

I find little ones very sweet and cute but I have no desire to spend more time than I need to with them. I definitely don’t want to babysit, my own DC are a bit older now and I’m very much ‘been there, done that.’ I had my children younger than many of my friends did, so they’re all in the baby and toddler stage now and I just can’t be bothered meeting up with their kids there, it’s too much hard work. Plus they weren’t interested in any way about mine when they were little, which I understood, yet I feel like I’m expected to be enthralled by theirs now and want to babysit.

Completely agree and wouldn't entertain this for a moment.

Likewise. I've never liked other people's kids and have quite often wondered how they can tolerate them, whereas my own children are smart, witty, confident, intelligent, interesting individuals and the sun pretty much shines out of their backsides.

Are you sure yours were 'lovely' though? I've unfortunately found that parents in general are a bit deluded about how wonderful their (usually unlikeable and unremarkable) children are.

Yanbu to feel like that but there’s a difference between keeping it to yourself and being a dick about it. Unfortunately there are lots of people who find small children annoying and seem to make lots of noise about it.

Don't like young children, I have 3 grown of my own and love them dearly but no, I don't want to go back to the terrible twos and traumatic threes and the FFS fours!

I also don't love the world they are growing up in now, not a Teletubby insight. There was only cbeebies when mine were growing up and now there are hundreds of channels. I have seen far too many 2/3 year old having a tablet or phone shoved infront of their face with youtube on. Or parents too busy on their phone to parent.

You said you didn't want to babysit and sounds like you don't which is totally cool but to not help with a little wrangling at family events is a bit mean spirited. I think you could try relax on this a bit more. Even just help a bit but then tell the kids they need to go find their Mum/Dad or tell kids/Mum/Dad you're going to relax now, talk to so and so or whatever.

I’m the opposite- I love small children even more now that mine are grown up.

But yanbu to feel as you do. Only caveat is that if the people asking for babysitting did babysitting for you when your children were small, you should return the favour. If not, just say you can’t do it.

Mines a teen now too and my siblings are in the under 2 age group with their sons.

I adore them but for short periods and time. I’ll happily spend a few hours with them but then I need to switch off and go home to do my own thing but I keep getting roped into babysitting for sometimes up to 3-4 days.

Well I like other people's young children as long as they're well behaved 😊. But yes, my teens are much more fun now

I imagine that is why so many grandparents don't jump at the chance to mind grandchildren regularly. Minding small kids is mentally and physically draining.

I don't mind that. I've actually done some fostering caring of babies at one point. I never mind babies. I've just done my time (loved it) and now is my time to sit down and relax at family events, rather than chase young kids around. I spent so many years doing that. Now it's their turn. I might feel differently about grandchildren though.

I‘m fine with them - unless they’re the badly behaved children of wet-lettuce parents who never say no. Or whiners. I never could stand whining - my own dds knew very well that whining instantly made me go stone deaf.

My youngest is still only five and my eldest is in secondary school and I will honestly say I don't find other people's children interesting. I'm fine with my own but that's as far as it goes.