to find young children irritating now mine are well past that stage?

[wirywire]

My DC are now older teens so pretty much living their own lives. When they were young, they were hard work but I had a tolerance for all the tantrums and noise.

Quite a few people in my extended family have young children and are always trying to rope me into babysitting their because mine are grown. I have done all that and don't want to anymore! I do say no but I often get stuck with the kids at family events who want me to help them out when they are wrangling their DC. This annoys me because the men never get stuck with DC only the women.

I can't deal with the noise and mess.

It depends but I like the majority of children because they remind me of my own at that age.
I don't find them annoying or irritating either.

I honestly don't know whether YABU not to want to help out. I have little children at the minute and help from family, friends, and even kind strangers who stop to chat for five minutes is so so helpful. I know I'll want to pay that kindness forward no matter how old my children are.

But the misogyny in your family would infuriate me and I can imagine being annoyed at being expected to pitch in if all the men are just relaxing.

Why are men not helping out with children? Even the men I know that are rubbish at doing 50/50 of everyday childcare play with children and keep them entertained at events (not that this excuses skipping nappy changes etc. I'm just struggling to imagine anyone being that crap).

Could you send the children to them when you're left with them ("Hey, here's a fun idea! Why don't you go ask daddy/grandad/uncle X for a piggy back ride?).

This annoys me because the men never get stuck with DC only the women.

I agree with you on this point.

However, as PP have asked, did you ever benefit from the grace of others - family, friends, complete strangers - to help you out in a bind, even on an ad hoc occasion, when YOUR children were young?

😂

My DD was born middle-aged, she's autistic, a rule follower, very quiet and has always liked to do quiet things. She has never been loud and squeally.

I don't think I'd have coped very well with a very boisterous child and I don't love them out and about. Give me a child that wants to get the play DOH out and play nicely, play cards or read together and I'm your person.

I think that is fine but it is mostly women who do this not men. I do help parents who are struggling with buggies etc but I don't particularly want to be around young children.

This country is so weird about children - I've no idea why anyone has them since everyone apparently can't stand the sight of them.

This nation's disdain and often outright hatred for children is, I am convinced, partly why it's such a lumpen potato of a country now.

But no, OP, it isn't U not to want to babysit, if you don't want to.

It's ok to be pissed off at the sexism.

The title sounded like small annoying whiney other people's kids like on an airplane or restaurant versus family asking for a couple of hours of the odd babysitting so I reckon the voting is skewed because your title is misleading. It's more that you dislike babysitting and resent being asked over DH.
Anyway I do have very little patience for other's small children being noisy and loud now mine is older however I would babysit small children if I'm needed because I will be in charge of making them behave and it's a big favour for the parents. I had very little help with mine so I would help. Oddly, I find it's the ones who had regular babysitting and help by family that don't want to babysit for others in my observation. On the last point, I think you know very well why women end up being asked to babysit more than men.

I'm certainly less tolerant of small children now my own are grown up. I think when you have them yourself you do develop a tolerance to the noise etc. If I was on a plane or in a cafe where a small child was being a bit noisy I used to be almost oblivious to it when my own were little but now I find it quite annoying. I'd never actually say anything as I can still remember what it was like, but I definitely find it more intrusive than I would have done in the past.
And no, I'm not interested in other people's small children, but then I never really was when mine were at that stage either, I just had to interact with them because they were my DC's friends. But to be honest I never really liked looking after babies and toddlers that much and now I don't have to I'm happy to give them a wide berth if I can. I generally prefer older children/ teenagers.
I know what you mean though OP. We have young children in our extended family and if we visit I'm always encouraged to crawl around on the floor or play make believe games with them but nobody ever expects my DH to do that even though they're actually his relatives. People frequently say to me that they expect I am impatient for our adult DC to have children but I have never once heard anyone say to DH "Ooh, I bet you can't wait to be a Grandad." We both have pretty much the same feelings on the subject but for some reason my lack of a Y chromosome is supposed to make me desperate to look after more children. It doesn't.

It's fine to feel that way and to dislike the assumption that you'll be happy to play babysitter. My husband is the same, only likes ours.

I prefer children to adults, their perspective on the world is fascinating. I'm uncomfortable in a room full adults trying to make small talk. Luckily children seem to sense I'm an ally (an easy target?!) and I get scooped along to play. I teach Early Years so still get plenty of children time even though my own are teenagers now.

I don't mind bits of interacting but I often get left with the kids when everyone goes off and having drinks and chats in the kitchen. I have started to wander off too and a child inevitably gets hurt or starts crying. Then the parents come rushing in.

I didn't get much help but yes I did benefit from the help of others but does this mean I am left to supervise 10 kids in a room by myself at a family gathering so all the parents can eat in peace? I never asked anyone to do this.

Men never get called mean spirited for not helping out with wrangling kids.

I used to have loads of time for my nieces and nephew, plus my friend's DC, who are all much older than mine.
Then, when I had my own, I really wasn't that bothered with other people's children. I put it down to nature ensuring I was caring for my own genetic line first.

No but there are occasions where men would be expected and called upon to help out where women wouldn't eg in carrying heavy things or giving a hand with something physically dirty or hard or fixing 'manly' things like cars or bikes. There are differences between the sexes and it's ok to acknowledge them.
So now your issue is a feminist issue that boils down to aibu male versus female babysitters 🤧

I’ve always said I’ll help in any way I can. I’ll drive you anywhere, do your shopping, housework, ironing. I’ll give or lend you money. Please don’t ask me to look after your children because that’s the one and only thing I won’t do. Once was enough.

How does this happen? What happens if you just go and sit down to eat your food and ignore the demands?

I would also be very annoyed at any presumption that all the men automatically got to relax whilst child wrangling was the women’s job though.

Good, keep walking away. My mum is the same as you. She was a great mum, she's a great grandma but can't deal with other people's toddlers. Can't blame her.

I love my own and tolerate others', but Id hate to be a a position wherein I felt obliged to help with small humans on a regular basis.
BUT, I would always try to help someone if I saw that they were struggling, as I didn't have anyone as a lone parent to twins.

My response was to @MadamMuck

It is just assumed. I wander off now and get food myself. It doesn't take long for there to be mayhem. When the kids inevitably get upset they want their parents not me. The mums moan that they can't eat in peace while the dads are eating and drinking away in peace. The women expect other women to help rather than their partners which I find strange.

I would carry on doing the wandering off!

Definitely the Dads should be taking turns with their own partners though- that would irritate me so much!

I’m very torn about whether I will give any help with my brother’s little one when she reaches toddler + age at any family dos, because my brother never gave a jot of help with my two! But then I think he was 26 when I had my eldest, but I’m 46 now he has his (he’s 42) so is it a bit mean as 26 yos often have no clue 😂

Will see if I feel like it I guess!

In my exh’s family, the youngest adults or teens were usually asked to help out with little ones which seems fairer than asking the older women - and I mean it was young ones of both sexes asked.

Agree it's annoying but unsurprising that men are never held to the same expectations. A good friend asked me to look after her 3 year old for the morning last year, which I was happy to do. I actually find small children fine on a 1-1 basis, I don't know if I could cope with them en-mass. I got up early, gave him breakfast, entertained him, took him to an activity, we went to the park, we played with toys, I needed to change his nappy at one stage.
DH spent about 15 minutes interacting with him and then remarked how hard work small children were, and he couldn't get anything done! Like a) I would need reminding of this - I did the lions share of hands-on parenting with our own teens, when they were young and b) he'd literally given up 15 min as opposed to half a day! The worst thing is he often suggests "we" babysit for various friends with younger kids.

I would just walk away if you don’t want to look after the children. If someone complains that they don’t get to eat their dinner, tell them to get their husband to do it (a little more tactfully if their husband is sitting next to them). I am a grandparent so I am usually happy to look after the grandchildren and so is my husband. Yes men should help equally. My children and their spouses always split the care.