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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that even though a SAHM DH should do more around the house

49 replies

lazybum · 07/05/2008 19:18

O.k I am at home all day the dc are at school full time.
I do everything from getting up first to see to the kids as we are leaving for school he gets up..
His meal is prepared when he comes in at night just needs warming up.He leaves his plate the cassorale dish +cups by the sink

He never washes up,cleans up after himself ,makes the bed ,picks his clothes of the floor.Any ironing or even using the washing machine
Its like having a third child
(in fact even the dc don`t do that)

He comes in from work and just sits on the sofa.

I do the car things the putting together of furniture even the lightbulbs changing.
The only thing he does is the food shopping on a Saturday (because I buy junk food and go the wrong supermarket.So hes has taken over that)
It would`nt bother him living in a pig sty

Am I out of order because thats what I should do as I am the one at home????????

OP posts:

Chequers · 07/05/2008 19:29

Message withdrawn

lucyellensmum · 07/05/2008 19:31

I am a SAHM, but i have a two year old at home - i do most of the housework most of the time. DP can be a bit lazy about it, i dont think he has EVER used the washing machine. He does cook occasionally and does the washing up (loads the dishwasher) sometimes. I don't mind though, he is pretty good in other ways and certainly not lazy.

I would probably like my husband to help with the washing up from time to time, but certainly wouldnt expect it if i were home all day with the kids at school. So sorry to say this, you are being a tinsy bit unreasonable.

You EVEN have to change lightbulbs!!! you poor mite , he he. My DP is a carpenter, but ive taken over the flat pack because he is too much to watch faffing around refusing to read the instructions and taking ten years to get around to it.

nkf · 07/05/2008 19:33

Why can't he clean up after himself? I guess it's inevitable that you will do all the children's stuff but there is no reason why a grown man can't pick up his clothes or wash his coffee cup.

MsSparkle · 07/05/2008 19:33

YANBU. When my dp comes home after dd and i have eaten and after i have washed the dinner things, he leaves his plate etc by the sink and it really pisses me off

He also doesn't pick his dirty clothes off the floor. I have to everything and even though he works full time, he could still so basic things around the house like clean up after himself! So i definatly know where your coming from.

nickytwotimes · 07/05/2008 19:34

I agree with the other posters. As the kids are at school, it is reasonble that yo udo the housework. However, as you say, he could make a bit of an effort re personal things, like putting washing in the correct place (my personal bug-bear,lol!) or do the washing up on weekends.

Original poster

lazybum · 07/05/2008 19:36

Im just saying that if I didnt change the bulbs he would sit in the dark .

I dont mind washing up but when I have washed up after breakfast and gone to school I dont expect to come home to his dishes same with his dinner

OP posts:

Chequers · 07/05/2008 19:37

Message withdrawn

nickytwotimes · 07/05/2008 19:38

There's a joke in there about lightbulbs.

posieflump · 07/05/2008 19:38

you have to stp doing everything
you have to stop picking up his clothes
teach him how to use the washing machine
do you ever go away for a girlie weekend on your own?
that will make him do his bit and understand what you do everyday
Or get a job in school hous so he can't have the excuse that you are home all day to 'do for him'

Chequers · 07/05/2008 19:39

Message withdrawn

Countingthegreyhairs · 07/05/2008 19:40

YANBU - definitely not - you all share the house and therefore all have the responsibility (to varying degrees) of looking after it.

What sort of example is he setting for his children??????

Original poster

lazybum · 07/05/2008 19:40

It wouldnt bother him if I didnt pick up his clothes or even clean the house.

But I live here to

OP posts:

Quattrocento · 07/05/2008 19:41

okay

Q: how many sahms does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Three. One to make the tea, one to comfort the one who tried and failed, and a third to summon the husband home INSTANTLY to attend to this very important matter

nickytwotimes · 07/05/2008 19:42

Rofl, Quatro
(disclaimer: I'm a SAHM)

notnowbernard · 07/05/2008 19:42

Stop doing things for him

You are his lover not his Mother

I would probably expect to do most housework if I was a SAHM. But housework, IMO, does NOT include picking up dirty clothes from the floor or washing up plates that have been simply abandoned by the sink

luckylady74 · 07/05/2008 19:42

There's reasonable politeness/ respect which is picking your clothes up/ putting dishes in washer and being tidy. If he doesn't do that then he is setting an apalling example of bad manners for your children.
If you are at home all day then I would expect that it was down to you to the housework, but I think childcare should be equally split when ever the working parent is at home.
I am a sahm with one at school and 3yr old twins with me, but I do have 2 mornings when they're at preschool.I do everything house wise,but my dh is respectful and will cook a meal at the weekend and pick up after himself. I see the children all day/ from 3.30 so I do try to do all the clearing up and so on so he can spend time with them when after tea and bath time.

lucyellensmum · 07/05/2008 19:42

re the lightbulbs - you should do that, next time the lightbulb goes, dont change it - see how long it takes him to realise . Of course you should now have energy saving lightbulbs that dont need changing so often so thats another problem solved

spicemonster · 07/05/2008 19:44

I think if you're at home all day and your kids are at school, I'd leave my dirty plates for you to wash up with theirs. I would pick my clothes up though.

I think if you go for a 'traditional' marriage like you have (ie he works, you don't, even though your kids are at school) you have to accept that part of that deal is that you get stuck with all the crap around the house.

lucyellensmum · 07/05/2008 19:45

Quatro : I hate to be pedantic but i think you will find your joke involves four SAHMs......I may be a sahm but i haven't lost my powers of observation

Countingthegreyhairs · 07/05/2008 19:47

PS I find men respond well to lists ...

Btw .... dh and I negotiated household tasks when we both worked full-time, re-negotiated it again when I stopped worked to look after dd, and have re-negotiated again now I'm back at work 3 days a week.

Written it all down on big notice-board in kitchen. If it's written down it's non-negotiable.

roisin · 07/05/2008 19:47

Sorry, but I think if you are at home all day and your children are at school, then you have plenty of time during the day to clean the house, prepare the meals, and have a rest and put your feet up for a bit.

I don't think it unreasonable for him to leave his plates by the sink - at least he tidies them away. And he should certainly be putting his own clothes in the w/m.

Personally, in this situation, I would be encouraging him to spend what time/energy he has with the children, as that's most important. You've oodles of time during the day to deal with the household chores.

How old are your children btw?

Original poster

lazybum · 07/05/2008 19:49

Went away for a long weekend with the dc when I came back the kitchen light did`nt work.He said "I think its broke"

After two weeks I thought sod this he had`nt sorted it out himself or phoned electrican .When I had look the bulb had blown that was it.

OP posts:

Original poster

lazybum · 07/05/2008 19:50

DC are 7 and 5

OP posts:

skidoodle · 07/05/2008 19:50

Leaving clothes on the floor or cups by the sink is not an order. It's either a hint or someone assuming you'll clean up after them because they're so used to you doing it.

If it pisses you off then stop. Leave his clothes on the floor unwashed. Leave his dirty dishes by the sink.

Just because your wife stays at home doesn't give you license to act like a lazy teenager and take her for granted.

soopermum1 · 07/05/2008 23:12

from the title i was going to say YABU, but really he should do the smal thingsto tidy up after himself, picking up his clothes to start with

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