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Original poster

Looking for solidarity from parents of low sleep needs children

100 replies

Mielbee · 02/02/2025 19:32

My 2.5yo DD sleeps 9.5hrs per 24 hours (10.30-7.30 + 30 min nap). This makes her low sleep needs and she has always been like this - as I was as a baby and child.

We have tried everything to move her sleep earlier and get her more sleep but if we get one earlier bedtime she will be up until 11.30pm at least for the next 3 nights. She then actually gets less sleep overall and we have extremely frustrating bedtimes and less sleep ourselves. It has been much better since we worked out what her sleep needs are and stick to them. We tried dropping the nap totally but she wasn't ready and was miserable at nursery all afternoon.

Everyone has their own challenges but sometimes I have to admit I feel quite jealous of parents of children with higher sleep needs. Some literally have 4 hours more child-free time every day than us!

I would just really like to hear from other parents of low sleep needs children to know we are not alone! For those further ahead, do you ever get an evening again? Any tips on how you make the best of the situation?

Please no advice or comments unless you genuinely have a low sleep needs child yourself. Pic attached for reference (anything lower than the bright orange range).

Looking for solidarity from parents of low sleep needs children
OP posts:
Monvelo · 02/02/2025 22:00

Yeah my dd has always been a sleep challenge. She's 10 now. I'm trying to get her to realise that she doesn't have to wake anyone else (me) up just because she's awake. It's not going that well. She's going through a sleep walking stage I think and up 2-5 times before 1am then sleeps through. I don't cope with it well unfortunately as I prefer a 9hr block in pitch black and pure silence 😵

unmemorableusername · 02/02/2025 22:05

Yes I have a now adult who slept 10-8 for most of their childhood. Not that sleep was always at 10! Still up at midnight esp on holidays was not uncommon.

I had a rule of 'mum off duty at 9pm'. So no battles about sleep but had to be in bed sorted by then.

Younger dc not much better. Story c 9pm, tucked in by 10. Up at 7.15.

But this one will sleep in longer after a late night so can have 10am lie ins at the weekend.

Tbh I'd rather kids like this than ones wanting attention at 6am. I'd crack up at that!

Anon501178 · 02/02/2025 22:05

I can probably count on my hands how many nights my oldest DD has been asleep before 9.30/10 since reception age (now year 3) I am often borderline late to school as I have to get her up as late as possible to ensure she has enough sleep to get through the day.
It's bloody hard when she is up and downstairs pestering, needing constant reminders to turn the light off or not play.
We have had to pull all toys out of her room other than soft toys and books or she will be up playing for ages.
Since she has got older, having an evening has been easier though, as she will tend to be able to occupy herself upstairs even if not asleep.

Mamabear300 · 02/02/2025 22:11

Mielbee · 02/02/2025 21:47

Oh wow that sounds so tough! Super super low sleep needs. I do suspect ADHD in myself and DD - I know sleep issues are common with ND and there's lots in our families.

Show quote history

Super low indeed I'm in my 30s and feel about 90 🤣. I'm actually on the list to be assessed for autism AND ADHD myself and my husband is on the list for ADHD. Its really hard work at times but as I say it sort of became 'normal' even though its not for everyone else if that makes sense.. its our normal. X

Original poster
Mielbee · 02/02/2025 22:31

Porridgewithoats · 02/02/2025 20:42

I read that and thought, "wow! That's a lot of sleep!"
My DS slept from about 11-midnight to 6-7 am at that age.
Now aged 12, about 10 pm to 5.30 am.

Apparently, I was worse and my mum had hallucinations from sleep deprivation by the time I was 3! Now I need lots of sleep, though.

I don't know what might help, but hopefully there are ways!

Wow! I'm glad it hasn't got even less than it was. I feel for you!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mielbee · 02/02/2025 22:32

orangetriangle · 02/02/2025 20:43

my niece is exactly like this and it's relentless but can stay up until all hours when there is something special on always the last one standing!!!
at 6 and a half she will colour draw etc in a room for a while in the mornings.
She has never right from a baby needed much sleep she can easily stay up until 10 and beyond wake up at half five six sometimes wakes in the night as well do a full school day including pe running club gymnastics after school and still not show signs of tiredness!!
She is however very bright not sure if this is to do with it. When she isn't at school and herbrain is not as active hetsleeping is even worse than above!!!

Some people do seem to think it's related to intelligence!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mielbee · 02/02/2025 22:35

NewmummyJ · 02/02/2025 20:47

Yes it's tough, and he also is very intense when awake. Having a 2nd child with more normal/average sleep needs had been a revelation! I wouldn't change my first for the world but goodness it was tough! Such a different experience now with a baby that sleeps!

I'm pregnant with our 2nd now and I was hoping for one with higher sleep needs but then wondered if that's actually worse than two of the same?? How do you manage two with different needs?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/02/2025 22:38

It sounds so tough, OP. I don’t have any recommendations except, eventually they will be old enough that you don’t have to get up as early in the morning as they do!

I’m really interested in these sleep table you’ve shared there, thank you. I was worried my 10 yo (almost 11) wasn’t getting enough sleep but in fact he’s well within the recommended range for his age. So feel less guilty about him now!

Original poster
Mielbee · 02/02/2025 22:39

EdithGrantham · 02/02/2025 20:49

My 3.5yo DD is on the lower side of average and I suspect we're trying for too much sleep but DH won't countenance her going to bed any later. She currently goes up to bed at 8 to be asleep by half past then wakes for the day at around 7, in theory this sounds great but she comes into our bed by 2 latest and at that point she's often awake for up to 2 hours meaning she's actually only sleeping for 9 hours. We also have a 6mo who is much better but feeding multiple times in the night so I'm broken at the moment.

We definitely had split nights like that when we were trying for too much sleep! Maybe show your DH this thread if he is just going by all the kids you know? Is he the one dealing with the split night or is that just you? I can't help but think that the person dealing with it should be able to change things if they want!

Split nights and night wakes together sounds like such a hard combo. Hopefully one or both will improve soon.

OP posts:
Morph22010 · 02/02/2025 22:44

My son never needed as much sleep as other babies although he wasn’t too bad through the night, he dropped his day time naps at 18 months. He’s now 14 years and it’s horrific at the minute, we’ve had nights where he’s not been able to get to sleep till 3 or 4 in the morning and has become very disregulated, my sense of what’s normal has gone all to pot as when he goes to sleep around 12 or 1 I was finding I was thinking that was a good night when the reality is it’s not. He was diagnosed autistic at 6, hoping to get melatonin soon apparently gps can now prescribe for autistic children

Sugargliderwombat · 02/02/2025 22:44

My LO wasn't far off this, he's just under 2.5 and suddenly upping the sleep time again. I thiught he was dropping the nap but it's crept up to over an hour then sleeps 9.30-7.30. I hope you get blessed with the same turn of events soon and am not bragging, just wanting to give a bit of hope!

Original poster
Mielbee · 02/02/2025 22:45

SP2024 · 02/02/2025 20:53

Both mine are fairly low sleep needs (probably not as low as yours). Just turned 3 year old sleeps much better overnight now he doesn’t nap (stopped around 2.5). The 15 month old slept much better after dropping to one nap around 10 months old. He now only has 1-1.5 hours. I’d say try dropping the nap, keep bedtime around the same and see what happens. They now sleep around 11 hours overnight.

We did try moving towards dropping her nap with a 15 min power nap and it was disastrous... She was miserable at nursery and bedtimes were sometimes even later! 30 mins is going well now so in a couple of months we could try 15 mins again and see, or even no nap at all. Just not quite there yet unfortunately.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mielbee · 02/02/2025 22:48

GlasgowGal82 · 02/02/2025 20:57

I've never heard the term low sleep needs child, but I have two of them! My eldest is now ten and we haven't had evenings to ourselves since he was born. Neither of them napped much after the first year, and in the first year they had to be rocked and held to nap so no child free time then. As he's gotten older we can now get him into his room for 9pm and he'll read or listen to audio books until he gets tired which lets us watch some grown up TV. Our little one goes to sleep a bit earlier than 9pm, but is up long before the crack of dawn. I think they take after my husband who gets by on quite little sleep, whereas I really need at least 8 hours a night or I become an absolute wreck after a couple of nights. Once we worked that out and starting prioritising my sleep things became much easier.

Edited

Ah well now you know it's a thing! And not just you!

I'm glad you worked out with your husband what you needed and now you get more sleep. The way we do it is I deal with night wakes as I'm a night owl and breastfeeding so it is easier for me, and he's more of an early bird so he wakes her up in the morning and gets her ready while I get a little more sleep. Play to your strengths!

OP posts:
Redcliffe1 · 02/02/2025 22:49

My youngest is 10 and still awake now at almost 11 om. I think it's a combination of autism and being a night owl. Audio books have been a god send. Really nice to see we are not alone- thanks for starting this thread

Original poster
Mielbee · 02/02/2025 22:51

WhatMothersDo22 · 02/02/2025 21:11

I really sympathise op. It’s tough when it feels like everyone else’s child goes to bed like clockwork at 7pm and you start to feel like you’re doing something wrong! I’m not sure if I’d class my dd as low sleep needs, or just a night owl, but she won’t sleep before 8.30pm if I’m lucky and often it can be 9.30/10pm -7/30am with at least one wake up. I’d take this over a super early riser though. Just means evenings are not long enough and I definitely sacrifice sleep for binging Netflix, just because I don’t get much to myself otherwise.

Yes me and DD are both night owls and so I do prefer this to super early wakes and cope better with it this way round. I think her natural rhythm would be midnight til 8.30ish and then a late afternoon nap if she could but sadly work and nursery aren't set up for that!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mielbee · 02/02/2025 22:53

Alexahelp · 02/02/2025 21:26

Mine are both on the lower end, oldest dropped nap before 2 and youngest at just turned 2 is still hanging on to half an hour on nursery days (but then never in bed before 8.30). It’s tiring. My top tip is getting them into solo quiet time ASAP, oldest lies in bed listening to yoto player after we leave her now so we get a good stretch of time while she’s happy to drift off alone.

You're not the first to say that! Sounds like that will be a gamechanger for us if we can make that happen.

OP posts:
Mere1 · 02/02/2025 22:55

I had twins who gave up naps at 18 months. They woke at about 4 am. A 5 am wake up was a dream. They only slept thru the night at 3years 2 months. They woke, at different times, throughout the night from being tiny babies. It does end. The first time they slept thru, we were in Menorca and we woke, thinking they had died!
Our daughters now have two sons each. Their first born were both insomniacs. One wouldn’t settle day or night til he was a year. They even paid for a sleep trainer to stay overnight. The other daughter had a son who would not settle til about 11pm, no matter the routine they tried. He settles now-age 6- but wakes anything after 5 am.
I don’t think I have needed much sleep since the twins broke my sleep habit. My husband, who always helped, now manages a solid 8 or 9 hours a night.

ladygindiva · 02/02/2025 22:57

Hi, one of my 3dds is autistic and has low sleep needs. Generally sleeps from 1030/11 until 630/7, she's 8yo. I feel your pain. Audio books are your friend . I get child free time in the evenings while she listens to audio books tucked up in bed x

Theresidents · 02/02/2025 23:00

I remember my 6 month old sleeping 11pm-6am and waking during the night. Mil didn’t believe me until she had him and complained that boy don’t sleep. He is now 15 and still wakes up early but stays in bed. It does get better. In a way at least you get to spend the evening together.

Original poster
Mielbee · 02/02/2025 23:02

Psychologymam · 02/02/2025 21:32

I look at photos of myself from when they were little and I look so exhausted! Do you have a partner that you can tag team with?

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I have a wonderful DH who is a true partner in all this, thank goodness! I know many don't.

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Motomum23 · 02/02/2025 23:06

I have 4 low sleep needs kids... 4! I didn't sleep a full night from the age the first one was born almost 18 years ago to about 2 years ago. I used to keep them downstairs with me with a quiet activity and a very firm no it's quiet time now. When they got older around 5 I made them stay in their rooms with a dim light. The 7 and 9 year old go to sleep around 11pm and wake at 7am and the 13 year old currently goes to sleep about 1am and wakes about 8ish. Not sure what my biggest one does anymore tbh... he likes to lay in in the mornings but I know he's awake.
It gets easier - ok you have no time to yourself and your sex life goes to pot because who wants that when you can hear the kids chattering etc but all 4 of mine are incredible kids, bright, funny, highly gifted (like the youngest was reading fluently at 3... he liked to read Wikipedia about the invention of tv)

Snorlaxo · 02/02/2025 23:07

My dd dropped her nap at 15 months and slept 11-7 on a typical night. Once she started school, she started to sleep 9-7 which was much more manageable. As a teen she slept 12-7 and surprisingly had no trouble getting up in the morning.

Original poster
Mielbee · 03/02/2025 08:53

LondonLawyer · 02/02/2025 21:52

Partly, I think, they have more time to do / learn things! DS1 is in his first year at university, reading history. He's also doing extra conversation French at uni, and learning an entirely new language (Mandarin) for the lolz in his "spare" time. And doing martial arts, debating and archery. He still only sleeps about 6 hours a day, quite happily, so he packs his waking hours.

Show quote history

That is such a good point! My DD has 4 hours more a day in which to play or have us talk to her or read to her than some children.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mielbee · 03/02/2025 08:56

ShamblesRock · 02/02/2025 21:50

I never realised it was a thing that had a name attached. It will occasionally catch up with him and he will fall asleep wherever he is. (Like now)

At some point they reach an age that the bouncing around till 11pm becomes more socially acceptable, and I viewed it that he may fall asleep late but at least he then sleeps all night. It was the younger one that finished me off as she was a poor sleeper all round.

He is 17 now and was diagnosed with autism at age 5.

Yes I found the same - if DD goes to bed when she's actually tired she is much more likely to sleep through. Sorry that your younger one finished you off... I'm a bit worried the same might happen to us as I'm pregnant with number 2 now.

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Original poster
Mielbee · 03/02/2025 09:01

Monvelo · 02/02/2025 22:00

Yeah my dd has always been a sleep challenge. She's 10 now. I'm trying to get her to realise that she doesn't have to wake anyone else (me) up just because she's awake. It's not going that well. She's going through a sleep walking stage I think and up 2-5 times before 1am then sleeps through. I don't cope with it well unfortunately as I prefer a 9hr block in pitch black and pure silence 😵

That sounds hard! Especially when you need a lot more. I'm guessing she might have her sleep needs from her other parent.

OP posts: