Looking for solidarity from parents of low sleep needs children

[Mielbee]

My 2.5yo DD sleeps 9.5hrs per 24 hours (10.30-7.30 + 30 min nap). This makes her low sleep needs and she has always been like this - as I was as a baby and child.

We have tried everything to move her sleep earlier and get her more sleep but if we get one earlier bedtime she will be up until 11.30pm at least for the next 3 nights. She then actually gets less sleep overall and we have extremely frustrating bedtimes and less sleep ourselves. It has been much better since we worked out what her sleep needs are and stick to them. We tried dropping the nap totally but she wasn't ready and was miserable at nursery all afternoon.

Everyone has their own challenges but sometimes I have to admit I feel quite jealous of parents of children with higher sleep needs. Some literally have 4 hours more child-free time every day than us!

I would just really like to hear from other parents of low sleep needs children to know we are not alone! For those further ahead, do you ever get an evening again? Any tips on how you make the best of the situation?

Please no advice or comments unless you genuinely have a low sleep needs child yourself. Pic attached for reference (anything lower than the bright orange range).

My lo dropped the nap at 10 months 😭 and slept on/off throughout the night from about 10-6
With teen years starting the sleep is at 10/11 -6/7 with melatonin to drift off most nights.
It does get easier, but I sadly never found a way to get more sleep 😴

It's relentless isn't it.

Unfortunately, my DS only got worse! from 3 until about 8/9 he would wake at 5am, no matter how late he went to bed.

Wow that is early to drop the nap and a super low sleep needs baby! And not enough time for you to get a proper sleep, let alone an evening...

Interesting that the number of hours didn't continue to drop as they got to teen years as 8 hours is the low end of normal for teens. Or do you think the melatonin makes big difference here and they would be on much less without? When did they start taking it?

My ds needed hardly any sleep up till about 6 months ago and he will now sleep about 10 hours . There was one stage he was only getting about 5 hours a day of broken sleep. Something just clicked and he started sleeping a bit more . We were like two zombies for years

So relentless! It feels even harder at the moment because I'm 10 weeks pregnant and feeling exhausted and nauseated all the time.

Did your DS need less and and less sleep as time went on? What happened after age 8/9?

5 hours! You poor things 😭

How old was he when it changed? I'm guessing you have no idea what it was that made it click?

My son dropped his naps at about 13 months and even a 20 minute nap would ruin him and hed be awake till 2am but on some days when we would do a lot he would be very aggy. When he was little (3-5) bed at 7:30 (would take till 8:30 before he was asleep) but would get a solid few hours of down time. For us, having that wind down time no screens for anyone etc helped and still does.

It used to make me feel so guilty seeing all the things about “kids need x amount of sleep the ideal time for them to sleep is y” “ kids still need naps at 4 years old” and id feel like the worst parent in the world seeing those charts.

my son is now 10 and goes to bed at 8:30, reads for 30mins and lights out at 9. He still wakes up occasionally and has never been a good sleeper but hes a kind kid whos doing well at school. He doesnt go right to sleep and i can hear him singing to himself at like 10pm still😅

it does get easier, the guilt hurts a lot but i think thats mostly due to all the info we have at our finger tips these days and all kids are different and youre doing great 💖

Without melatonin it's reading/colouring/Legos till midnight 🥴
But since about she 8/9 the rule is be quiet in your room so we can all sleep - the rest of us have a good night with up to 12 hours!

My son was low sleep needs from newborn. He was sleeping 7.30pm to 5am at age 2 with no nap and waking 2-3 times a night. He would be up for the day at 5am no matter what time I put him down, so later bedtimes were a disaster. I was like the walking dead. We were tied to that bedtime for a very long time, I would never make plans in the evening. He is 3.5 now and actually he has gotten better. He falls asleep between 8 and 8.30pm and gets up for the day from 5.30 to 6.00am with one wake up most nights at around 4am. My oldest fights sleep until 9.30pm most nights so I have it from both sides 🙈
Massive sympathy from me and please know you aren't alone. I don't know anyone in real life with sleepers as poor as my 2.

🎶 You are not alooooone 🎶
(Sorry)

So OP, my DD is 11 and at about aged 2.5 after battles after battle with sleep, tears most nights (from me!) and every book available in the English language about getting her to sleep longer, I realised something fundamental: some people just don’t need as much sleep, and DD is one of them.

It’s so hard, it really is. I resigned myself to just put her to bed at 9.30pm.

If it helps, my second child was entirely different.

If it also helps, she’s now 11 and there’s some advantages to her needing less wep. I don’t have to worry about her being too tired at school. She can stay up late on holidays and to watch films with me. I can take her for a meal at night without worrying about her getting too tired. When we have to set off at the crack of dawn for a sports competition for her or DS it’s not a problem.

We are here! We feel your pain.

What I advise is ensuring you balance a good nights sleep yourself with enjoying adult time. This was a constant battle when DD was little. Wanting to watch a film vs sleeping. I always went for the former when actually sometimes I should have just caught an early night

both mine are - gets easier as they get older, we put on audio stories for our oldest in the morning and they lie beside us quietly listening to it so we still get to snooze until half seven ish. This worked from about age four. Both mine are also bright, which is often linked so I console myself that every parenting journey is unique and while sleep is tough, I don’t have to worry about lots of other things that maybe others struggle with.

Thank you, that's really kind of you to say. Yes I see so much about 7-7 being the ideal and it's just absolute nonsense! Luckily I found information about low sleep needs early enough that I knew it was totally impossible for us. It probably also helped that my mum remembered me only sleeping 12 hours per 24 as a newborn so there was a fairly clear genetic link.

Your son sounds like he's doing really well - well done to you!

OK that sounds like it gives her a good hour or two more sleep than it otherwise would! I'll bear that in mind for the future.

Getting to the age where you can expect quiet activity in their room looks like light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully mine will be sensible enough that I will be able to sleep and trust that she's not doing anything dangerous!

Thank you for the sympathy and I am sending lots back to you. So hard with two that aren't in sync! I'm pregnant now and worried that will be the case here too.

My eldest is nearly 4 and dropped her naps at 12 months. She’d then sleep 8-9 broken hours (best if she went to bed later and woke later). She does seem to be getting slightly better as she gets older though….

I started strong with DD2 who genuinely slept about 18 hours a day until she was 3-4 months, she’s now 15 months and she also sleeps 8-9 broken hours a night (sadly she prefers going to bed early and waking early, so there’s no respite 😂) although she will still have a 30 min - 1 hour nap.

Aww best of luck with baby number 2. And honestly it does get easier. Even though mine are still poor sleepers, it feels a lot less relentless. They can entertain themselves for a short while in the morning so I can sneak a last 10 mins in bed for example 😂 . There's no nappy changes and they can dress themselves so I don't have that physical effort of dressing and undressing them, or lifting them in and out of a cot when they wake. It felt like those really hard nights would never end but of course they did and now I sit here wondering where the time went and I have a 6.5 and 3.5 year old. It's very tough, but you will get through it x

Haha that made me laugh! Also I remember your party bag thread so I feel a little like a celebrity has just posted on my thread 😅

Thank you for the solidarity and also the positives - I like the idea of being able to go to a film or a meal out without stressing about bedtime.

Absolutely yes to just realising that some people just need less sleep! Such a powerful realisation which has definitely helped me at least not feel like it's my fault (well, apart from the genetics...). The advice is spot on - you can't have both sleep and adult time so you have to pick which you need most at the time. And it probably nearly always should be sleep...

Oh I have found my people! I didn't realise this was such a thing.

My nearly 10 year old goes to sleep at around 10pm ish and is up by 6. This is not that bad tbh but I'm a single parent and it's only when he's at his dad's I get any sort of evening at all. It's hard tbh. I just want one evening where I can watch half an hour of tv!

No one else I know gets it - everyone else's kids seem to be asleep at 8/9pm at the latest!

Nothing to add but my toddler is exactly the same. I'm not convinced my baby will be any different either... I just have to console myself with the old wives tale that gifted children need less sleep (even if it's not true).

12 month old sleeps for 10 hours at night and does one 40 minute nap in the day.
He’s low sleep but also not that happy about it iyswim. He’s tired and whingey in the morning and before bed.
We get an evening only because he wakes early so he goes to bed early. He wakes at 4:30-5 every day. If he went down at 10:30 he would still wake before 5 so he goes down about 6;30/7.
All the other babies his age seem to be doing 2/3 hour naps and longer at night!
My 3 year old sleeps longer than him at night mostly and many weekends she will have a nap longer than him too. I’m surprised he functions to be honest!

My 13 month old has dropped his nap and I'm lucky if he has 5 hours sleep. I have an 11 year old who has adhd and autism and usually sleeps less than anyone, on occasions she sleeps 45 mins for the whole night !!! Shes been like this since she was born and I truly did used to just break down and cry as my DH was working nights! although its grew to be 'normal' to me now, I feel it abit more with having a 13 month old and also a 13 year old with needs too. X

I say we get an evening but only because he technically goes down early, but the time t dinner is tidied and they are both in bed, the general mess of 2 kids is tidied and we’ve got washed we’re basically so exhausted we don’t really have any chill time since one of us will be up at 4:30 the next morning!

Yep here and in the same position, I've been exhausted for 7 years lol! Eldest (7) didn't sleep through the night until aged 5. He sleeps through 8pm -5:30am now which isn't pretty good. But whatever time he goes to sleep he's always up before 6. Little one is 2 and following in his footsteps. Sleep is not great, some times is ok, some nights he's up a lot. He always wakes up at 4:30-5am though.

We got a yoto player. Think my DD was three. It's not perfect but she'll now lie in bed and listen to it while we tidy up. Doesn't fall asleep and we normally go back about 9:30 to actually get her to sleep but at least then we've done the tidying and can just sit down. I think the trick becomes about not getting them to sleep but getting them to spend quiet time by themselves.

Being pregnant makes it even tougher! I really feel for you.

Ds still woke really early at 8/9, he just started getting better at entertaining himself. He would read or colour in bed until we got up.