To think alot of people just want to know what you're doing and what you're upto?

[GreenCrocodile]

The don't care they are just nosy ?

Completely agree OP. It’s amazing how often I hear from ‘friends’ wanting to meet up for a coffee and one of the first things I am told is ‘so my partner heard from your ex the other day and he said x,y,z…’ so I know the only reason they arranged a coffee is for the gossip.

I have another friend that will cycle through nearly every problem I have ever had every time she calls me… even if it was something that happened over a year ago. It’s draining. She immediately jumps in to “so what’s happening with so and so”
Errrr - nothing?! That was ages ago!
and regardless of what I say she then goes on to give me unsolicited advice.

I can relate. Family member gets out metaphorical lamp and clipboard to ask me a bingo card of the same questions every time we meet. She refuses my invitations, we have little in common and I have now given up trying. She uses the information as currency with similar people. I delight in being oh so nice but giving as little detail as I can.
Remember “great minds talk about ideas, average minds talk about events and small minds talk about people”.

@GreenCrocodile Do you mean real life exchanges or on social media? I don't and have never had any form of SM (no judgement on anyone else who does though) but I find it kind of uncomfortable when friends sometimes talk about looking at pages and photos of people they used to know on SM and details of their lives. Years ago my sister was talking to a former acquaintance of mine, who contact between us had long fizzled out. Said person (who could be extremely patronising and judgemental) told my sis that she thought it was outrageous that I didn't have any SM and to force me to get a Facebook account. They didn't ask her for my number or even how I was but just wanted to pick through my life and pass judgement from behind a screen.

Unfriendly, or just discerning? I don't have much patience for BS either. I have a few friends whom I value very much, and I am a polite person, but I can't be doing with mindless small talk, either people being nosy or being boring.

You sound like hard work

Oh yes!! Especially Facebook. So many lurkers on there just for nosiness. I just unfriended a load for this very reason.

You sound like my kind of person.

I have two adult DC’s and I’m certainly would ask them about these areas of their life. However I see this as a good thing; I am interested in them, love them and want to help them if they need my help.
My neighbour on the other hand wants to tell me these things and I try and avoid conversations with him.
Isnt this how most people operate?

How are people surrounded by so many nosey parkers? I can’t think of one in my life. Yes I had nosey aunts when I was younger but that was thirty years ago. I guess I must come across as too dull to be asked lol.

But it's just basic small talk... some people have a real issue with social interaction on any level.

I volunteer on a Monday afternoon and without fail the other two volunteers will ask what I have been up to the past week. I will happily tell them that I took my son out for a meal and then a show, that my DD was home from uni for the weekend, that I was at an evening class on Wednesday and we had thought about going out for the afternoon on Sunday but it rained and so we went for coffee and cake instead. Then they will share what they have been doing.

This is really just standard conversation, not being nosy.

Yes, that's exactly why social media is so popular!

You’re not paranoid OP, they’re really out to get you!!!

Seriously now. This is just passing the time of day conversation. Are you not British perhaps?

I know a lot of old people lol.

ETA. Oddly enough, really old people aren't so bad. It's the ones who are about twenty years older than I am (ie mid sixties) who seem to be the worst, don't ask me why.

Do you buy a lot of ready meals, op?

Unless you're up to something spicy I'd say nobody could give two hoots they're just being polite. I dont really care what anyone is doing I just ask cause it would be weird to bump into someone and literally say "hello valerie, goodbye valerie"

Do you have friends and family OP? You gave a long list of questions that you find instructive and offensive and I think most people would classify these questions as polite interest or bond building.

your approach seems like a rather sad and isolated way to live. It’s quite paranoid to hear a friend ask about your weeek and holiday and jump to the view they they are nosey and plan to spread the gossip to others around you without caring about you at all. I would think that this perspective would chip away at your mental health and happiness over time.

Most people do care about their friends and want to understand what’s happening in their lives. This helps us bond, share joy, offer sympathy, provide support and normalise difficult experiences. If your finding this difficult across many friendships in life then it might be that your approach is unusual and speaking with someone could hell. If your workplace is full of Petunia Dursleys then smile politely and hurry away!

Mainly it's to convey the message "I feel relatively well disposed towards you".

If it's more than a couple of questions, it's an attempt to find things in common in order to develop the relationship, because on the basis of what they've seen so far, they like you. It can take a lot of questions, a lot of dead ends, before you find something you're both passionate about, or a place you both lived in, or something you both like doing.

And if you interpret every question as having malicious intent, you never will bond.

I’m certain no one gives a shit what I’m doing

I’m early 60s and i definitely don’t nose into other people’s business other than the normal polite chit chat (how was the show you went to see type queries). Nosey parker behaviour definitely seems aging to me even if you're younger.

I think it's called conversation.

What your upto in life where are you going on holiday, how are your kids doing
perfectly normal conversation, you're not that interesting that the banal daily chats are being used to gossip or gather intel.

What don't you want them to know OP? 🤔

Exactly