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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teaching Assistant said...

35 replies

Cheeseandcrackers40 · 01/02/2025 18:08

Dd6 asked me today why she didn't go to preschool at her school. I explained that she went to a child minder where she was very happy and we didn't want to move her until proper school started in F2.

She told me that they had been talking about it in her phonics group and the TA said that she must have gone to a childminders because her mummy and daddy didn't have time to look after her.

AIBU to think this is off? My daughter was upset about it but doesn't want us to raise it with the school. DH was really annoyed.

OP posts:
MinnieBalloon · 01/02/2025 18:09

Yeah, there’s no way the TA actually said that 😆

Original poster
Cheeseandcrackers40 · 01/02/2025 18:11

MinnieBalloon · 01/02/2025 18:09

Yeah, there’s no way the TA actually said that 😆

Well it's a very specific thing to say and not something my daughter would have thought of herself, she isn't inclined to lie and seemed genuinely upset.

OP posts:
PizzaPunk · 01/02/2025 18:14

Cheeseandcrackers40 · 01/02/2025 18:11

Well it's a very specific thing to say and not something my daughter would have thought of herself, she isn't inclined to lie and seemed genuinely upset.

Show quote history

It's even less likely to be something a TA actually said.

Just have a quiet word and get the TA to clarify.

TheLymeTrew · 01/02/2025 18:15

MinnieBalloon · 01/02/2025 18:09

Yeah, there’s no way the TA actually said that 😆

All of this!

Lmnop22 · 01/02/2025 18:16

It’s not a sensitive way to put it, but it is essentially true - you (presumably) worked so required childcare. It may have been an innocent (albeit slightly tone deaf) way to explain to a group of 6 year olds why grown ups use childminders - I would just leave it and give the benefit of the doubt

Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead · 01/02/2025 18:17

Lmnop22 · 01/02/2025 18:16

It’s not a sensitive way to put it, but it is essentially true - you (presumably) worked so required childcare. It may have been an innocent (albeit slightly tone deaf) way to explain to a group of 6 year olds why grown ups use childminders - I would just leave it and give the benefit of the doubt

Exactly!!

FumingTRex · 01/02/2025 18:18

I expect another child asked whats a childminder. And the TA said its someone who looks after children when their parents dont have time. Im sure it wasnt meant maliciously.

TishHope · 01/02/2025 18:18

I think it is perfectly possible that the TA did say that - why would some posters doubt it?

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 01/02/2025 18:19

My guess is the TA said it but differently. So they were discussing where they went before school preschool/nursery etc. And someone asked what a childminder is and the TA said a childminder is where children go when their mummys and daddys don't have time to look after them.

We've had this before where DD 4 has said someone said something and they had. But they'd said it in a totally different context.

TwentyTwentyFive · 01/02/2025 18:19

Cheeseandcrackers40 · 01/02/2025 18:11

Well it's a very specific thing to say and not something my daughter would have thought of herself, she isn't inclined to lie and seemed genuinely upset.

Show quote history

It's much more likely that your child concluded all by herself the idea that you didn't have time for her from the TAs response which was probably along the lines of mummy and daddy probably had to work longer hours than 9-3 so you went to a childminder or nursery.

I'll eat my hat if the TA said word for word what your daughter quoted.

Moonnstars · 01/02/2025 18:21

Very unlikely. I imagine there was a conversation about whether they went to nursery or not, some children may not have had any childcare at all, and the TA may have made a comment to try and reassure the children who did go to daycare that it's because mummy and daddy were busy at work

Spurber · 01/02/2025 18:21

PizzaPunk · 01/02/2025 18:14

It's even less likely to be something a TA actually said.

Just have a quiet word and get the TA to clarify.

Show quote history

And if they did say it watch them squirm as they explain themselves to you

Shelby2010 · 01/02/2025 18:23

Is it the type of preschool that is only open term time or does short hours? So anyone who needs regular childcare would use a childminder or nursery?

It would then make sense for the TA to say to DD that she probably went to childminder because Mummy & Daddy needed someone to take care of her. At least she suggested Daddy had a role in this! Just explain to DD, that yes, she went to the childminder because you were at work.

onwardsup4 · 01/02/2025 18:34

Kids interpret things differently, she may have been upset but you just need to explain to her. I doubt very much it was meant maliciously or any need for your husband to be annoyed

NiftyKoala · 01/02/2025 18:38

I really don't think the TA said this.

NiftyKoala · 01/02/2025 18:41

NiftyKoala · 01/02/2025 18:38

I really don't think the TA said this.

Sorry responded too fast. I'd think a misunderstanding but I would definitely ask the TA in person to see her reaction just in case.

RobinHeartella · 01/02/2025 18:44

I actually think that's not a bad explanation. (The wording might be off, but it's your dd's wording not the TA's.)

My dd goes to wraparound care 3dpw and doesn't particularly like it. It's very important to us that she understands that she goes because we're working, so can't look after her, not because we don't want to spend time with her. If either of us have an unexpected day off or relative visiting, we always pull her out of wraparound. So to my dd, she'd explain this the same as your dd, she's there because we can't look after her at that time. Ditto DS being at nursery.

What alternative explanation do you prefer...?

RobinHeartella · 01/02/2025 18:47

Do you want your dd to think that she was at the childminder because it was better for her education? Because it'll be obvious even to a 4yo that the ones from the preschool have a headstart on phonics.

My dd is aware she started reception with much less phonics knowledge than her classmates who went to the local prep school preschool. 4yos notice this stuff. (She's catching up amazingly, as we knew she would.)

VickyEadieofThigh · 01/02/2025 18:49

NiftyKoala · 01/02/2025 18:41

Sorry responded too fast. I'd think a misunderstanding but I would definitely ask the TA in person to see her reaction just in case.

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OR - just leave it.

mirrorglitterball · 01/02/2025 18:55

VickyEadieofThigh · 01/02/2025 18:49

OR - just leave it.

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This. Honestly why would you even bother.

purpleme12 · 01/02/2025 18:56

Oh god honestly who cares about this
People go to a childminder because their parents work ergo they don't have time to look after them
It's not worth even thinking about

Original poster
Cheeseandcrackers40 · 01/02/2025 19:02

Hi all - I am and was always going to leave it as Dd asked me to, but I was interested to hear how others would have reacted to hearing this. I hear what you are saying about my child interpreting the explanation and inferring a meaning - I can see how that might have happened, was just a bit taken a back to hear it from her.

I haven't said at all that I'm following up on it in my post so not sure why it's been interpreted that way. Just said it sounded a bit off.

My child's phonics work is very good and she is in top set for reading so I don't think it's effected her negatively from an educational perspective to be in childminders but thanks for that 😅.

OP posts:
RobinHeartella · 01/02/2025 19:18

Cheeseandcrackers40 · 01/02/2025 19:02

Hi all - I am and was always going to leave it as Dd asked me to, but I was interested to hear how others would have reacted to hearing this. I hear what you are saying about my child interpreting the explanation and inferring a meaning - I can see how that might have happened, was just a bit taken a back to hear it from her.

I haven't said at all that I'm following up on it in my post so not sure why it's been interpreted that way. Just said it sounded a bit off.

My child's phonics work is very good and she is in top set for reading so I don't think it's effected her negatively from an educational perspective to be in childminders but thanks for that 😅.

I didn't say it had an adverse effect on her education. Interesting that you jumped to that though, is that why you are feeling defensive about what the TA said?

If your genuine reason for choosing the childminder is a different reason from what the TA said, then just explain it to your child.

HousesofHolbein · 01/02/2025 19:42

That's why mine went to a childminder though?

We both worked so they had to go to a CM. My youngest used to be dropped off in PJ's barely awake and none if then had breakfast until they got there etc. it was a bit rubbish for them and we always acknowledged that. They all knew that it was because Daddy works away and Mummy had to be at work early and that both of us worked hard so that they could have nice things and trips out etc.

They knew that when we were home and bit working, we happily looked after them and had more time at home with them ourselves.

The TA wasn't implying anything negative, just explaining the situation. She might use a CM herself even!

Parlezz · 01/02/2025 19:47

It sounds like the TA said something, your daughter told her version and you've altered it to your own version here. You don't know the exact words. Maybe she did say something about not having time or being busy. How else do you explain it to young children? Apparently you tell her she was very happy in a weird way as if to convince her...