Teaching Assistant said...

[Cheeseandcrackers40]

Dd6 asked me today why she didn't go to preschool at her school. I explained that she went to a child minder where she was very happy and we didn't want to move her until proper school started in F2.

She told me that they had been talking about it in her phonics group and the TA said that she must have gone to a childminders because her mummy and daddy didn't have time to look after her.

AIBU to think this is off? My daughter was upset about it but doesn't want us to raise it with the school. DH was really annoyed.

Because they think everyone who works in education is a perfect saint

Ok to clarify a couple of points.

I was upset because my daughter was upset when she told me and I realised she had been mulling it over all day.

My daughter loved her childcare setting and still tells me she misses being there 2 years later.

She only went 2 days a week so, no I don't have a trigger about her feeling she didn't have time with us.

This is verbatim what she said the TA said. I haven't reworded it, but appreciate DDs report may not be accurate.

We have had experience in this school with another TA who said/did some questionable stuff regarding DS. Which probably effected my immediate reaction hence asking a question on here.

That is essentially why people use childminders.

You’re attaching a judgement value to her comment instead of taking it literally. She was most likely explaining how you and your partner had to work so hired a childminder as you didn’t have time to look after her (because you obviously had to work). Your child has inferred this as the TA saying you don't have time to look after her for some sort of neglectful/don’t like her reason instead of the absolute normal reason why people have childminders - because they have to work to put food on the table.

She’s a child, she’s young and interprets it like this. Just explain to her what the TA meant. Think about how you would explain to a child about why they have a childminder. It’s literally impossible to do without saying something along the lines of your parents work to earn for the family so don’t have the time to be at home with you.

I would be very surprised if the TA literally said this. Your daughter may not be lying, but children don't always understand, mishear, aren't listening and then fill in the blanks themselves.

A child once told their parent that I'd told them I'd smack them in the face, what I'd actually said was "oh, be careful with that, you don't want to smack yourself in the face" (They were whizzing wooden beads round on a string.)

Yes. Favourite pastime of mine, watching minimum wage workers squirm because they might have said something clumsily to inadvertently offend you.

Just make sure you don't wear your best tiara while you lord it over the plebs - they might steal it!

Is there a language issue here? I can imagine someone who has learnt English saying something like this, meaning no offence, but just not understanding the nuance of what they are saying.

I don’t think even if she said this, it’s a big negative. Most children who don’t go to school nursery class it’s because their parents are working and need longer hours. She didn’t say oh your mummy and daddy didn’t care about you enough to look after you, she said you didn’t have time, which presumably is the truth.

This is not true. Some children just take to phonics and others cannot get on with them. It doesn’t matter if they went to pre school.

Some people never learn phonics -yet can still read and write - others lap up phonics but never comprehend what they have read!

OP - why did you use a childminder? Did you have time to work and look after your child?

What a strange thing to get on your high horse about. I would talk to your child about 'why' she went to the childminder - so you could work - to have a house to live in? Buy food to eat? Have money for treats and holidays - I don't know.. why do you work..