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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He hit my DD’s car

58 replies

Staggeredatthisadmission · 01/02/2025 14:19

Long post alert but the details are important to avoid a drip feed.

Around 5 years ago, I found my neighbour swaying drunkenly on his doorstep with his car keys in his hand, preparing to drive to his office to pick up some stuff. I took his keys off him and drove him myself.

He was then 53 and the father of a two year old. His partner had involved social services and denied him access. She was mentally unstable. He was absolutely devastated, began to drink heavily and considered suicide. I supported him massively for months and would sit with him many nights whilst he cried and drank. This was despite serious financial issues of my own after losing our business.

Fast forward a few months, case was dropped and he was seeing his DC. I was still in the midst of our own troubles.

One morning I accidentally reversed into his Land cruiser. He’d only had it a few months. It made a very slight small dent. I knocked his door and he came out, took a look and said it would cost me around £500 and he’d have to report to his boss as it’s a company vehicle. He said that he could say it happened in a car park but was going to say I’d done it as best to be honest. I was really upset as we could not afford this but obviously it was my fault.

He never came back to me and it was never mentioned again, so I assumed he’d decided to leave it as it was only noticeable if pointed out. Obviously I was relieved.

Fast forward to last week, when my DD messaged me at work to say someone had hit her car in the street. Not new but she’d only had it one month. No one came forward from the FB post and we had no witnesses. The damage to the paintwork is quite bad, will need a new bumper and door handle. The only possible hope was ring doorbell footage from my neighbour, so DD called round several times but no answer.

Last night, just as I was going out I bumped into him, very drunk and slurring his words. I mentioned DD’s car and he told me he did it (hence not answering the door) and went on to say it was parked badly (it absolutely wasn’t) and that he couldn’t swing out of the drive. I asked why he didn’t knock the door and he said he was late for work and in a hurry. I’m sure he’d have been over the limit from drink and also smokes cannabis. He then said that his last new car was damaged by me and now this new car is us again. He was quite annoyed and just walked off.

What do we do?

OP posts:
RIPVPROG · 01/02/2025 14:20

You report it to your daughter's insurance

Redglitter · 01/02/2025 14:21

Contact your daughters insurance with all the info and let them sort it out

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 01/02/2025 14:21

The mother of this 50odd alcoholic man's child was mentally unstable?

If it's only a small dent just repair and paint it, would be the cheapest option

He's a dick but he's right, just leave it

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 01/02/2025 14:23

Your dad reports it to her insurance company and they will sort it out. That's what insurance is for.

AubernFable · 01/02/2025 14:46

I’m on the mother’s side honestly, mentally unstable or not, I would deny access to the irresponsible, drunk man child too.

heyhopotato · 01/02/2025 14:50

Seems like you're both equals now.

SergeantDawkins · 01/02/2025 14:52

Report his drunk driving to 101 and give them his license plate

OldTinHat · 01/02/2025 14:54

This is why you have to have car insurance.

pikkumyy77 · 01/02/2025 14:58

Your stupid over investment in your drunk neighbor has no bearing on your dd’s situation. She should notify her insurance. Take pictures if his car showing that he did the damage. Get whatever evidence together that you can. Snd ket the insurance company handle it. He is a lying piece of shit of an addict and you never should have “helped” him at all.

biscuitsandbooks · 01/02/2025 15:00

Your DD needs to report it to her insurance company and let them deal with it. That's what it's there for.

Though personally for cosmetic damage I wouldn't bother to claim, just notify them as an incident.

Staggeredatthisadmission · 01/02/2025 15:02

pikkumyy77 · 01/02/2025 14:58

Your stupid over investment in your drunk neighbor has no bearing on your dd’s situation. She should notify her insurance. Take pictures if his car showing that he did the damage. Get whatever evidence together that you can. Snd ket the insurance company handle it. He is a lying piece of shit of an addict and you never should have “helped” him at all.

The ‘stupid over investment’ was actually me just trying to be a good person and help someone who was on the verge of suicide.

OP posts:
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 01/02/2025 15:03

All the gubbins that has gone before is irrelevant. He has admitted to hitting your DD's car. She needs to report it to her insurance, they'll do the rest.

Staggeredatthisadmission · 01/02/2025 15:04

OldTinHat · 01/02/2025 14:54

This is why you have to have car insurance.

She does have car insurance though. Surely it’s him that needs to claim on his car insurance. We’ve checked his car and there is no damage but it’s like a tank so presumably it caused all the fame whilst remaining unscathed.

OP posts:
Bristolinfeb · 01/02/2025 15:06

Alcoholic is not allowed to see his child due to ss involvement. I’m not sure I would believe it was down to his mentally unstable ex.

Staggeredatthisadmission · 01/02/2025 15:06

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 01/02/2025 15:03

All the gubbins that has gone before is irrelevant. He has admitted to hitting your DD's car. She needs to report it to her insurance, they'll do the rest.

The reason I mentioned everything beforehand, is because I think he’s going to say I never paid for the dent I caused so now he won’t pay for DD’s

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 01/02/2025 15:08

Staggeredatthisadmission · 01/02/2025 15:02

The ‘stupid over investment’ was actually me just trying to be a good person and help someone who was on the verge of suicide.

You should have called for medical help. And the police to stop him drunk driving. All you have done is encourage someone to avoid solving his problems and he has shown you nothing but hostility and contempt.

Staggeredatthisadmission · 01/02/2025 15:09

AubernFable · 01/02/2025 14:46

I’m on the mother’s side honestly, mentally unstable or not, I would deny access to the irresponsible, drunk man child too.

My post isn’t about that. I only mentioned that because I think he’s going will use my hitting his car as an excuse not to pay. Difference is I told him and I also said I’d pay.

OP posts:
Staggeredatthisadmission · 01/02/2025 15:11

pikkumyy77 · 01/02/2025 15:08

You should have called for medical help. And the police to stop him drunk driving. All you have done is encourage someone to avoid solving his problems and he has shown you nothing but hostility and contempt.

Well as he was about to drive I had to take the keys myself. He did get medical help in the end.

OP posts:
biscuitsandbooks · 01/02/2025 15:14

Staggeredatthisadmission · 01/02/2025 15:04

She does have car insurance though. Surely it’s him that needs to claim on his car insurance. We’ve checked his car and there is no damage but it’s like a tank so presumably it caused all the fame whilst remaining unscathed.

No, your daughter needs to claim off her own insurance. If they deem him at fault (ie. if they have evidence it was him), then they'll claim their costs back from his own insurance.

Or, if your DD doesn't want to claim, she can say so and the insurance company will just note it down as an "incident".

Rantypanties · 01/02/2025 15:14

Use the £500 you’ve saved not paying for your mistake and put it towards DDs repair. Regardless of fault her insurance will go up as a result of a no fault claim. Then contact the relevant authorities about his drink driving.

pikkumyy77 · 01/02/2025 15:19

Your quarrel with him has nothing to do with your dd’s situation. He is not entitled to take out your debt on her.

The reality us he is a drunk who uses people. Detach. Stop taking responsibility for his actions or his stupid, selfish, thought process. And report him every time you think he is drunk driving.

Mamabear300 · 01/02/2025 15:24

Sorry Op I'd be reporting his drink driving to 101 he could kill someone by doing this and it could be a young child. I know you've tried to help him and your worried about him draggin up that you hit his car but you were honest and open about this. Good luck x

EternalSunshine19 · 01/02/2025 15:28

No thats not how it works. She calls her insurance and they pay to fix the car and if your DD has an excess she will have to pay that and the insurance will pay the rest.
the insurance will then claim the money back from your neighbours' car insurance if there is enough evidence that he caused it.

Staggeredatthisadmission · 01/02/2025 15:37

Mamabear300 · 01/02/2025 15:24

Sorry Op I'd be reporting his drink driving to 101 he could kill someone by doing this and it could be a young child. I know you've tried to help him and your worried about him draggin up that you hit his car but you were honest and open about this. Good luck x

Tbh I really had not seen him drunk for years but I know he smokes cannabis. Last night was the first time and it obviously occurred to me that was maybe why he hadn’t knocked our door that morning, because he was over the limit.

If I report him won’t they have to catch him doing it though? He drives all over Europe and has a very well paid job.

OP posts:
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 01/02/2025 15:39

Anything in the past about you hitting his car, the £500 can't be proven. It's hearsay, water under the bridge now.

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